


-What do you need of me, Inquisitor?-

by LilKjay (orphan_account)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: (yes I did it again), Anger, Angst, Bite marks, Biting, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Cheating, Choices, Clan Lavellan - Freeform, Confident Cullen, Desire, Dirty Talk, Dom!Cullen, Dom/sub, F/M, Feelings in Turmoil, Fights, First Time, Frottage, Hurt, Jealousy, Kinky Cullen, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, Loss of Virginty, Lust, NSFW, Orgasm Denial, Porn With Plot, Rejection, Rough Sex, Safewords, Semi-Public Sex, So much angst, Temptation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Fingering, Voyeurism, and he has a lot more kinks, and of course I am throwing feels in the mix, chapter 19 is twenty-one pages pure smut, how to tag this smut bomb?!, imagination sex, lol, precious Sera, submissive Inquisitor, vengeance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-29 18:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 61,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6387739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LilKjay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellana and Solas fight. Again. She wants to take the next step in their relationship, but he rejects her, just like in the last six months.<br/>Angry and hurt, she seeks comfort in the arms of Commander Cullen... who is more than pleased of this outcome.</p><p> </p><p>Or:<br/>Everyone writes how Lavellan and Solas cheat on Cullen. What if it is the other way around?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Break Up

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone views Solas differently. In my opinion, his Romance is exactly like this. All chaste, just kissing and holding hands. And... I wished there was a option in Inquisition to harden Cullen (thehe... harden *coughs*). Also, in case you haven´t read my other fics... this version of Cullen is... slightly different than the canon version.

  
  


’Ma vhenan… stop’ he says softly as he breaks our kiss with insistence.  My lips curl in annoyance at the rejection. Again. Like every other time, every damn evening. Just when I hoped we would take the final step, he would pull away. I want to feel his skin slide against mine, his fingers holding onto me tightly as he finds pleasure with me. But no. It is the fade that keeps his mind occupied. 

 

‘Solas…’ I say in warning but he just smiles, that secret soft smile of his. Once, I fell in love with that smile, but now it makes rage bubble inside me. The way he looks at me. As if I am too precious, too delicate to be soiled with mortal pleasure. My stomach clenches as I lick my lips.

‘What do you think we are doing here?!’ My voice wavers with annoyance. Had he noticed my impatience? I can't´tell. His face is like a mask sometimes, and I am unable to read what he is thinking. Closed off from his thoughts which he only shares with his friends. The spirits of the fade. 

 

I press my lips in a thin line as Solas looks at me with a soft expression. His eyes gleam with love, but it only feeds my annoyance. Since six months we spend more time together. I became first Herald, then Inquisitor, Through all this time he was with me, my rock in the sea of uncertainty. Six months. But all we did was kissing in secret, and holding hands. In the fade, in an abandoned corner, on my balcony. Never in public, never with others to witness. My body hungers for more, the dampness between my legs a clear sign that I am ready. 

‘We spend time together, my Vhenan’ Solas says in this soft tone of his, caressing my cheek with a loving hand. I notice how he only touches the unmarked parts of my face, as if avoiding my vallaslin like a plaque. 

‘We talk about the fade, read in old books. Our spiritual connection grows with each passing day, so unique and powerful’ he continues to whisper sugary sweet. My nose crinkles and I grab his hand, pressing it flat against my cheek. The moment his fingers touch the outer lines of my Vallaslin that worships Mythal, I see the change in his handsome face. As if it pains him to touch them. I feel the muscles in his hand flex as he tries subtly to pull away, and I drop my hand again. For a moment something like relief flickers over his face, but then the mask of love slips back in place. 

 

‘My beautiful Ellana’ he says softly, then slides his hand down my arm, curling his long fingers around mine. Like a gentleman he lifts our hands up to his lips, kissing my knuckles with tenderness. This action has always calmed me down in the past, but I can feel that it isnt working no longer. I want more. His lips not on my knuckles, my lips, cheeks and forehead. I want them on my breasts, sucking and biting. Between my legs, enclosing my clit and letting my body sing with pleasure. 

And so I pull my hand free, and ball it into a fist. He notices my bad mood, of course he does. Always attentive, always enveloping me with his love. It makes me sick. 

‘Ma vhenan…’ he says softly, and places both hands on my waist, thumbs drawing circles along my clothed skin. It is close to what I want, but not enough. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, and fix him with my eyes in place. Daring him to hold eye-contact, as I enclose his wrists with my hands, then slide them higher. For one blissful moment his palms touch my clothed breasts, and a spark of heat shoots through me as he squeezes lightly. My heart starts to beat faster as images invade my mind. Me, riding him on his desk, hard and fast. His hands squeezing and kneading my breasts just like now, while he moans my name in desire and lust. 

 

A sigh escapes my lips as I imagine it. His cock deep inside me, filling me and claiming me as his. I never had lain with another man, and maybe this is why I am so desperate now. 24, still a virgin. And my boyfriend too courtly to do anything about it. To my annoyance Solas starts to pull his hands away, but I won't let him. My hands tighten around his wrists and I lean forward, stepping into his personal space once more. The next sigh I make is audible so he hears it, and I see his adam's apple bob as he swallows. 

‘Solas… Ma vhenan…’ I purr, doing my best to sound seductively. 

‘I want you. Here. And now. Show the world that I am-’ I don´t get any farther because he pushes me away roughly. My fingernails scratch along the soft skin of his arms as I try and fail to find purchase, and land ungracefully on the cold stone floor at his feet. Stunned I stare up at him.

 

He is breathing hard and one hand covers his face, the other holding him upright as he grips the desk. It takes me a few seconds to realize what had happened. He had pushed me away. The man who told me that he loved me… he pushed me away. Not only with words like in the past. No. He did it physically. And this rejection stings. Like a hot needle, pushed deep into my flesh. I start to shake, and tears gather in my eyes.

'How dare you...' I growl, my voice a dangerous whisper.

‘Vhenan…’ Solas croaks in a breathy voice and pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. 

‘We can´t. This connection of ours. It is too pure. To unique. We would only soil it, if we give into primal urges and desires.’

 

His words hit me like punches in my stomach, and my eyes widen in disbelief. 

‘What?!’ I am able to hiss, then slowly raise again, fiery gaze singled on him alone. He evades my gaze and turns away, leaning over the desk of his and tries to control his breathing. The silence is ear-deafening, not even the crows at the top of the tower making any sound. 

‘I am offering myself to you, and you push me away!?' My enraged voice echoes through the room, but Solas just stands there, hands curled to fists on the desk. 

 

‘Me! I am the Inquisitor! The Chosen of Andraste!” I continue and tears of hurt and rejection spill down my cheeks.

‘Do you even know how many men dream of one night spent between my legs?!’ My words are aimed to hurt, to provoke some kind of reaction from him. I want him to push me against the wall and take me, wild and feral. Punishing me for my words, dominating me and putting me back in my place. Anything. 

 

But all he does is just standing there, head bowed and silent. My lips curl in disgust.

‘Or are you into men?! Frigid?! Incapable of getting a hard-on? Is this why you never did more with me then kissing and holding hands?! We are adults, by the creators!’ By now I am sure that all of Skyhold is hearing my outburst, but I don´t care. Not anymore. 

My whole body is trembling as I tip my head back, seeing the eyes of Dorian and Lelian locking with mine for a heartbeat. Their pity and sympathy makes me sick, so I squeeze my eyes shut and whirl around. 

‘When you kissed me in the fade version of Haven…’ I spit with venom and brush past him and to the door that will lead me outside. 

‘I thought you would desire me. That you would be the man who ends my days as a virgin. With passion, lust and love!’

 

My hands tremble as I rip the door open, and throw a last glance over my shoulder. Sad blue eyes look back at me, and my heart pinches painfully. For a moment my resolve is wavering. Maybe… we can sort this out. Maybe he just needs more time. Maybe… maybe… I realize too late that his lips are moving, so I only get the last few words which seal our fate.

‘And because of this… I can´t… my Vhenan.’

Fire burns in my eyes and I turn away, taking a deep breath to steady myself. 

‘Your loss. I will find someone else who Is not that reluctant to fuck me. To fuck me, Solas. Did you hear?!’ His eyes widen in shock and hurt, but I am done talking. Without another word I slam the door shut behind me and walk briskly along the battlements.

 

My body is rigid and I am fuming with anger, big eyes darting to the left and right as I try to find a way to get control over myself. If I were a Mage, I am sure that Solas would be burning like straw now, but all I have is my skills as a rogue. My fingers itch for something to hold on, something to hit and destroy. I continue my way over the bridge, till a door stops my walk of anger. Annoyance washes over my face, followed by a curiosity as I hear the voices inside. 

The deep smooth voice issuing orders like a king belongs to my trusted adviser. Cullen. Commander Cullen. Before the kiss with Solas in the fade I had something of a crush on this tall and handsome shem. The way he seemed to own everything when he entered the room. The sheer power and dominance that he seemed to radiate. But my own heritage and pride, as well as his aloofness had hindered me to pursue in this direction further. But oh, I had heard of the stories and rumors that circulated through Skyhold. About his skills and talents, not only on the battlefield. 

 

Leaning against the old wooden door I listen how he instructs his subordinates, and shivers run down my spine. The way he speaks, as if wanting to prove to me that the rumors are true. But this is nonsense. He does not know that I am here. Bottom lip pulled between my teeth I continue to listen, my heart jumping at the eager saluts and ‘yes sir’ calls of his men inside. Cullen is a man of action, of that I am sure. Reserved and a gentleman too, yes. But I have seen his lingering glances, whenever he thought I wasn´t paying attention. He would never push me away, if I would offer myself to him. No, he would take me, again and again, till I forgot how my parents named me. My hand clenches and unclenches at my side several times, but then I make a decision. Banishing lingering doubts and the look of sad blue eyes out of my mind, I push open the door with might. It bangs against the stone wall at the inside, and the council falls silent at once. 

 

My teeth bared I stride inside, ignoring the other men in the room. My target stands behind the desk, tall and proud. Eyes fixed on the imposing figure of my advisor, I exclaim loudly.

‘Everyone out! And don´t disturb us for the rest of the evening!’ These words are bold and the Commander raises one eyebrow, but nods his assent to the lieutenants and captains gathered in his office. 

‘You´ve heard the Inquisitor. We will discuss the details in the morning. Dismissed.’ He says in a commanding tone that makes heat pool in my belly. I have to control myself so I won´t start to fidget as we keep our eyes locked, the calculating look he gives me almost frightening. As if he would read my very soul, knowing already what happened between me and Solas. Oh creators.

 

The captains and lieutenants brush past me one by one, throwing curious glances at us both. It is as if they could feel the rising tension in the room, building to dwindling heights as the last one closes the door behind himself. Several seconds pass in which the Commander only looks at me, golden eyes flickering over my form. I am trembling and he notices it, the corner of his mouth curling into a predatory smile. His posture is relaxed in contrary to mine, as he slowly, slowly, saunters around his desk. He tucks his gloves off while he walks, placing them with a soft thud on the wooden surface. Afterwards he leans against the desk casually, never breaking his intense stare. 

 

I swallow hard and my eyes dart away from him for a moment, taking in my surroundings. I haven't been here very often, just once to be completely honest. Everything smells of him, his heady perfume and masculine scent. A hint of fresh sweat lingers in the air as well, intensifying the heat I feel build in me. 

His smooth deep voice draws my attention back to him, as the Commander addresses me. His words sound filthy and ambiguous, sending a new rush of arousal down my core.

‘What do you need of me, Inquisitor?’

 

 

 


	2. Offer

 

 

My tongue darts out as I lick my lips nervously. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and I feel hot all over. The Commander however seems not to be annoyed that I take so long to answer, instead pours wine in the goblet next to him and drinks. Every movement of his is careful, measured. Golden eyes glance at me over the rim of the goblet, and the look makes my skin burn. But I have made my decision. And so I take a deep breath and then saunter over, making sure that my hips sway with each step. For a heartbeat his gaze drops and I smile in satisfaction, but as I come to a stop in front of him… it falters.

Commander Cullen is tall. Taller than most men in Skyhold, broad and an breathing enigma. My cheeks heat up as I try to imagine how he looks under all that armor. There had been a situation, three months ago. When he had trained with his soldiers down in the new training ring. Only wearing a white shirt and his black leather pants, I had understood why he was such an coveted man. Bulging muscles, narrow hips, wide shoulders. My mouth goes dry as I let my eyes travel over his form, gnawing on my lip all the while. It hurts but I can´t stop, my heart beating faster with each shuddering breath I take.

The silverite chestplate shields his skin from my curious eyes, a fact that makes me annoyed and bold in equal. I want it to be gone. Want to experience what the barmaids whispered to each other. What the kitchen girls gossiped, about the ‘Lion of Skyhold’. The stamina. The power. The passion. I want it all. I am the Inquisitor - so I will get it. No one denies me. No one rejects me anymore. I swallow again and close the distance, settling my right hand on his upper arm, feeling the muscles bulge and twitch under my fingers. Golden eyes flicker down to where our bodies touch. Lazily and with a growing smirk his eyes return to my face. Releasing a breath I didn´t knew I was holding, my hand curls in the dark cotton of his tunic.The material rustles under my touch and looking at him from under my dark eyelashes, I purr.

 

‘They say… A Commander in the streets...’ Full lips twitch at the waver in my voice, but he listens patiently as I continue.  
‘... and a Lion in the sheets.’ Hoping that my seducing words have taken root, I place my other hand on his chestplate, grounding myself at the cold metal under my fingers. His eyes darken just the tiniest bit, otherwise he gives no indication that my words have affected him. I let silence spread while I look smoldering up at him, making sure that he has a good view on my breasts, pressed up and tantalizing in the tight silken blouse. He takes a last sip from the wine and then places it without looking back on the desk. Movements slow, deliberate. So close to him, I inhale his luring scent with every breath and it makes me feel lightheaded. Yes. I want this. Want him. The images my mind conjure are powerful, just as the strength he had proven time and time again in past battles. Creators, I hope he is just as powerful in bed. I pray he is.

The smirk on tempting lips grows as if the Commander is reading my thoughts, and my eyes linger longingly on them. So different than the ones of my vhenan. No. Solas. Just Solas now. He does not deserve that endearment any longer.  
‘I wonder if these rumors are true…’ I murmur, feet planted on either side of his and our bodies close. The Commander breathes evenly and simply continues to watch, but I see that his lips have parted the tiniest bit, his smirk turning smug. My eyes flicker up to his eyes but I can't read his expression, so I let them wander down again to these sinful lips. Chapped slightly from the cold, full and with the large scar that splits the upper lip. I want to run my tongue over his lips, trace the softness and the scar.

 

Steal from him the lingering taste of red wine, that tints them darker. Without realizing it I have risen on my tiptoes and leaned closer, trying to close the distance of my own. My clothed breasts brush against his folded arms, and I shudder at the contact. Just faintly it dawns on me that the Commander hadn´t commented my words at all, but I ignore this failure of his as both my hands curl in the surcoat of his attire.  
Just a few more inches. He isn't standing straight, partially sitting on the desk which lessens the distance I have to close. Closer. Closer still. His warm breath tickles my face, a mix of red wine and something minty. My eyelashes flutter and I sigh, gaze becoming unfocused. Just a little more… I…

‘I didn´t gave you permission’ Voice like silken steel the only warning as he moves with lightning speed, hand around my throat and looking down at me. He had flipped our positions and now the edge of the desk digs in my back as he forces me to lean back. Straightened to his full height I barely reach his shoulder, blinking first in surprise, then in confusion - then in annoyance. Rejected. Again.  
Lips curling in a sneer I narrow my eyes to slits.  
‘I don´t need your permission! I am the Inquisitor and you will do as I say!’ I snarl in righteous fury, my hands curling tightly into his surcoat.  
The Commander does not even blink at my words, instead he uses his hold on my throat to tilt my head backwards and up. Looming over me like a predator my eyes widened almost comically as he speaks again, the pressure on my windpipe not threatening but warning that he is the one with the upper hand.

 

‘I am not your toy.’ he emphasizes the last word with a growl that reminds me of the envy demon at Therinfal. I shudder as memory and reality start to blur. Oh creators, yes.  
‘And the way you behave, isn't worthy of an Inquisitor either.’ I suck in a breath at his words, spoken in a deep a sinister tone. He never had talked to me like this. No one had ever talked to me like this. Questioned my position, my role. I deserve respect, him to kneel and worship me like all the others.  
‘How dare-’ I start to protest but the Commander moves again and I whimper as my back connects with the bookshelf to our right. It isn't a hard impact but his other hand had slid to the back of my head still, protecting it from colliding against the wood. I register this fact and it adds to my confusion, inner turmoil of battling emotions.

Eyes wide and staring up at him I am unable to think clear at this utter display of dominance. He had pushed me around twice at his whim, but not in the childlike way like Solas did. This wasn´t rejection out of fear, out of insecurity. No. This was more primal. What the Commander did was dominant and sinister, and I want to stand in the darkness with him. Lust pours down on me, making me crave for more. It is insane, this is not how my first time should be. But the way he looks at me, I feel an almost embarrassing amount of wetness gather between my legs.

‘I will ask you a last time, and you will answer me.’ He drawls in his dark sinister tone, his muscled body inches away from mine but drowning me in heat and longing. One hand around my throat the other is curled around my waist, inching lower as he speaks.  
‘Ellana...’ he growls and I shudder at the way my name rolls of his tongue. He never had said my name before, always referring to my titles or surname.  
‘...Why are you really here?’  
Golden eyes bore into mine and I blink rapidly, unable to escape his presence and grip. Not that I tried that hard. Bottom lip raw from all the gnawing, protests with a pinch as I draw it between my teeth again, considering my answer.

 

The Commanders hold on me never lessens, his wandering hand stopped on my hip. Just a few inches separate me from him, but the way i feel now it could also be an whole ocean. It was not like Solas did it, but the outcome is just the same. He rejected me. The ugly feel of being not enough rises in me, claws at my heart and makes me burn with shame. What was I thinking. I close my eyes in defeat and hang my head, studying the metal buttons on his boots.  
‘Solas and I had a fight’ my voice is laced with hurt as I finally speak, recall what had lead me to this foolish action. Cullen says nothing, and I hear his even breaths, feel how he looks at me. I wish he would do more than just look. The hands on my throat and waist remain, letting his heat seep into my skin. It is strange, but somehow his touch offers me comfort. Still, the next words are difficult for me. Admitting the truth. Being rejected by my own boyfriend.

‘I asked him for… more than kisses and holding hands. I… asked him to be my… first.’ the hand on my waist twitches at my last word, and the Commander inhales sharply. Before he is able to mock me, I continue in a bitter tone.  
‘He rejected me. Pushed me away as if I had the blight.’ squaring my shoulders I lift my head, locking eyes again. Folding my arms in front of my chest I lift my chin, knowing that it will give me an arrogant look.  
‘So I told him to fuck off - and sought out another man who would do the ‘job’. But guess what?’ my words turn sharp, cutting like knives as I hold his burning gaze with angry despair.

'Instead of fucking me like the animal everyone whispers he could be… we talk’ I sneer, and for several seconds the Commander remains silent. Eyes flickering over my face he seems to search for something. And he must have found it, because the smirk reappeared on his full lips. My knees tremble but I remain upright, not willing to let him humiliate me further.

 

‘Let me get this straight...’ The Commander murmurs and his hand slides in the small of my back, grazing the waistband of my leggings. I suck in a breath as his calloused fingers graze my skin.

‘...The hobo elf didn't had the balls to fuck you…’ Two fingertips slide under the waistband, a touch like passionate fire.  
‘...So you sought out another man who would deflower you, show you what pleasures two people can give each other.’ he raises one eyebrow as I blush at his direct words, then adds.  
‘I am curious. Why did you thought I wanted to do… ‘this job’?’  
I grimace at the way he emphasizes the last words, throwing my own description back at me. But I can also feel his large hand sliding over the bare curve of my ass. He squeezes once and growls, his eyes darkening further. A devious grin grows on my face, and I hope that I don’t misinterpret the look in his eyes, the tented front of his trousers. Opting for a seductive smile, my fingers drum softly on his chestplate and I purr.  
‘You aren't as subtly as you think, Commander’

 

He returns my smile and boldly my hands curl around the buckles of his chestplate. As I pull experimentally he offers no resistance, and it makes me feel powerful.  
‘I have seen the way you look at me.’ Our breaths mingle as I guide his face down towards mine, the scar on his upper lip stretching as he smiles.  
‘Is that so, Ellana?’ he purrs right back, eyes gleaming as I shudder at the sound of my name. Tiny creases form around his eyes and I feel warmth bloom in my chest, able for the first time to study the Commander this close. Dark stubble adorns his jaw and compliments his sun kissed skin, lighter honey flecks shimmering in his golden eyes. Handsome isn't enough to describe him and I lick my lips, delighted as his gaze follows the movement.

‘I heard of your talents. Your skills. Your stamina.’ I continue to caress his ego with words, luring him further. His hands tighten and he exhales audibly.  
‘Don’t you want to know how your name sounds from my lips, when I moan it in ecstasy?’  
Now or never.  
‘And be the one who sets the scale for future lovers… Cullen?’ His name leaves my lips like a sigh, this play with fire like a drug. My seductive smile gets wiped away and I gasp, as the Commander snaps. He pulls me flush against him, a low growl rumbling through his chest. One leg wedged between mine, his muscled thigh presses against my pelvis and sends a jolt of pleasure through my body. My eyelids flutter and close, full lips ghosting over my cheek and grazing my sensitive ear as he speaks.

 

‘No.’

For a moment I think I have misheard. Eyes snapping open I pull back, staring in a mix of disbelief and hurt up at him.  
‘What?!’ I snarl and the Commander chuckles darkly. Tangling one hand in my hair he yanks abruptly, forcing my head backwards and exposing my throat to him. Frozen in place I accept the open mouthed kiss he bestows on my throat, followed by small sharp nips as he trails up to my ear. His touch is addictive and with every caress, every brush of lips on skin I crave more.  
Full lips enclose my earlobe and I moan strangled, the only thing keeping me upright his hands and thigh.

The Commander chuckles with dark delight at the effect he has on me. With a soft nip he releases my ear, trailing kisses along my cheek and jaw. I can't suppress a whimper of frustration as he stops at the corner of my mouth. Denying me the kiss that is rightfully mine, he pulls back a little. Our eyes lock again, the desire and possessiveness making me swallow.

 

‘Do you really think I would let you walk away after I have taken your purity? Let another enjoy what I claimed as mine?’ he growls, the jealousy in his words cutting and painful.  
‘No. You would be mine. Give me your attention whenever I want it, warm my sheets whenever you are here, and moan my name like a prayer while I make you come countless times.’  
My mouth goes dry and the Commander isn't done with his seduction.  
‘In turn I offer you my devotion, my heart and soul. And of course… this’ calloused hand taking mine, he presses it against his crotch, letting me feel what he has to offer. Eyes wide I stare up at him while he guides my trembling hand along the length of his cock, thick and hard. Now his eyelids flutter and he groans low in approval as my fingers start to explore on their own.

My chest heaves and sinks with the panting breaths I take, but as I start to unlace his trousers he pulls away abruptly. The heat and support of his body leaves me, and I scramble for purchase on the bookshelf behind me to remain upright. My legs are shaking. Badly. Creators, I want him. His hands on my skin, his cock buried between my legs. His lips on mine, devouring me whole. Biting my bottom lip I look up at him, gaze filled with longing and desire.  
He returns my gaze with calculation as he takes a few steps back, increasing the distance between us. Without looking he picks up the goblet of wine and brings it to his lips, drinking deeply. I watch him wide eyed, the intense throb between my legs driving me mad with want.

 

‘I will not guide you in my bed tonight’ he says after placing the goblet on the desk and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. My mouth opens to protest but he lifts one finger up to silence me, then prowls closer once more.  
‘Seven days. For you to decide where your heart lies, what your future shall be. Use this time.’ the Commander speaks insistent and I nod overwhelmed.  
‘If you chose me, come to my bed in seven days at midnight. If you don't show up, I will not question or mention anything that happened between us. Our relationship will be professional as it had been. But know this:’

His golden eyes turn serious as does his voice.  
‘There will be no turning back from the decision you made. And no tempting and pleading will make me sway, should you have chosen another before. Whatever you decide, it will be final.’  
My eyes widen at his words and then he pulls me close against him, cupping my cheek with one hand. His gaze falls on my lips and he smiles that dazzling smile.  
‘Decide wisely, Ellana…’ He murmurs and I sigh as he bends down, melting his lips with mine in a passionate but chaste kiss. It is like a fire that spreads through me, consuming and stoking my hunger. But it is over before I can return the kiss and deepen it. Eyes looked with mine, I see for a heartbeat the longing expression that flickers across his face.

 

Then he releases me and steps back. The mask of my advisor slips back into place as the door opens by his hand, and I receive a polite bow that conceals any hint that we kissed just seconds before. He guides me outside with a hand in the small of my back, nodding at a guard who patrols past us.  
‘Good day, Inquisitor’ Commander Cullen says firmly and with finality, then the door to his office clicks shut, and I am left on the battlements alone.

 

 


	3. Imagination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some insight in Ellana´s feels.
> 
> A huge **THANK YOU** to everyone who commented, kudoed, bookmarked, subscribed and read this story! You make me SO happy!

 

 

Eyes open I lay on my back, chest heaving and muscl es quivering. Sweat trails down my temple, my heart just slowly returns to its normal pace. A dreamy smile adorns my face, my gaze unfocused as I stare at the ceiling. Too overwhelmed to move. Creators, it was divine. Why hadn’t I done this sooner. I wait a few seconds longer to savor the throb against my fingertips, before pulling away. Everything is like wrapped in a fog, which just slowly clears. The muscles in my arm protest as I lift my hand in front of my face. 

Trembling, quivering, a slight ache from the overuse. I smile, my cheeks colored a bright pink. Fingers curl and my tongue darts out, licking experimentally. Ugh. Okay. That’s not pleasant. My face scrunches and I shake my head. The transparent slippery texture of  arousal tastes sweet but a little tangy, the scent strong but not as unpleasant as the taste. As I turn my hand, fingers gleam in the light of candles all around my bed. I have never done this before, giving into these primal desires, as Solas had called them. Okay, to be fair - I had thought about it. In the dead of the night, I fantasized. Tried to imagine how it would be. Only natural, after that passionate first kiss of Solas in the fade. Back when I was with my clan, I used to listen to the gossip of the other girls. Their stories were similar to the barmaids and kitchen girls in Skyhold now. 

 

It had made me curious, but when my keeper had caught me in the middle of - it - ... Not that it was forbidden. We Lavellan’s are proud of our bodies and open minds. But to be caught as a sixteen year old while masturbating, because everyone in the camp thought you were suffering pain… because they heard the moans and whimpers… 

With a groan I bury my face in the pillow. I can still picture the faces and hear the giggles of the others, clear as day. It had cured me from any sexual experimentation, for a long time. Yes, the longing lingered. But I distracted myself, more or less successfully.  Till I became the Herald, Inquisitor, and let Solas in my life and heart. Like embers these feelings glowed inside me. And then I recruited first Iron Bull, then Dorian. From that day on, rides on my trusted horse became an ordeal. Not even one day passed without their bickering about relationships and sex. I am not close friends with both, but the way they talked so casually about sex was distracting, to put it mildly. Like a steady itch, that needed to be scratched. I want that too. Talk freely about my sex life. Impress them with my knowledge. Want to know how it feels to ride a cock, to get taken against a wall. Or that ‘backdoor’ option, that Iron Bull mentioned once.

It's worse since Sera joined us. I love her dearly, she is my best friend. But since the trip to the emerald graves and thanks to her colorful descriptions, I now proudly have the knowledge of how to please a woman. And thanks to Dorian, how to please a man as well. These four weeks had been a torture and a blessing.

 

Another frustrated whimper escapes me, as I recall the expression on Solas face as I had sunk down on my knees in front of him the night we returned to Skyhold. Not in the slightest giving me the ‘heated’ and ‘smoldering look of lust’ that Dorian had spoken of. No, a deep embarrassed red had colored his cheeks, spreading down his neck. With trembling twitching hands he had tried to get me away from his crotch, and our little fight for the upper hand had left a sting of humiliation in my heart. I didn't even felt this ´glorious hardness of his desire` that Dorian had mentioned with a dreamy sigh, commented by a gag of Sera. With a sneer I had pulled away finally, flopping down on my bedroll. Face turned away from him I had denied him a talk of the fade, breaking for the first time the nightly ritual that had been a pillar of our relationship from the beginning. And like the many other nights, fights and disagreements afterwards... Flowers. He brought me Flowers. Fucking flowers, to apologize.

Oh Solas. I sigh as I think of him, and glance to my right. The scent of sex and sweat mixes in the air with the scent of the flowers, standing in a vase on my desk. A bouquet of red roses in his hands earlier, blue eyes watery and begging for a second, another chance. ‘Six red roses, one for each month of our relationship.’ Solas had said, hope and love swinging in his voice. ‘Please, please Ellana ma Vhenan. Don't throw it all away now. We can work this out’.  With a sigh I recalled what happened after that.

My resolve had wavered then, and just a few seconds later we had been sitting on the couch. Just like the old times. Sitting across from him, knees pulled up to my chest I had watched and listened. Our relationship just a brief topic in the beginning, but I had endured. I couldn´t deny. It felt like home, hearing him talk passionately about the fade. Of course it would be the fade. I used to admire the way his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, similar to the way they did when he smiled at me. In the past it had filled me with happiness and affection. But now my heart was tainted, a dominant presence enveloping it, shielding my heart from Solas love. And so my thoughts had started to drift away, the longer and more bored I became. His voice drowned out, muffled by another, deeper and masculine voice.

 

Golden eyes had flashed in my mind, the feel of a large calloused hand, kneading my ass and pulling me close. Full lips moving tenderly against mine, stoking the fire of desire that swelled in my belly. The scent of heady perfume and fresh sweat, layered with the virility that clung to Commander Cullen. Bulging muscles and raw primal glances, promising me hours and hours of passion. So different from the man who sat in front of me. Solas had been unaware of my thoughts, gesticulating with his hands as he described some forgotten ruin he had found in the fade. 

My lips twitched as I recalled how the Commander had named him. Hobo Elf. In some way, it was fitting. Guilt flickered over my face at this thought, but I pushed it away with a snort. Solas deserved it. All alone in my quarters, and all he did was bringing my flowers, sweet words - and then switched over to another endless monologue about the fade. Our bodies separated by two pillows and a blanket that he had piled up, to demonstrate the rough outline of that blasted ruin. As if I would care of some stupid ruin now. I used to be fascinated of his stories. But no longer. Lips pressed in a thin line, I had stared at the pillows, wishing he would push them away and just take me. Show me not with blasted words, but with lips, hands and tongue that he deserved that chance. The Commander wouldn´t squander our time alone, of that I am sure. He would push that barrier of softness away between us, pull me against him with a low growl and devour me. Creators, I love the way he growls.

Blue eyes had returned to me and I stiffened at the expectant gaze of Solas. Guilt washed over me, and I had smiled sheepishly and said, what I always had used to say. 

‘This is amazing, ma vhenan’. The endearment tasted like ash on my tongue, a lie that slipped so easily from my lips.  As soon as he had turned away I picked up the goblet of wine to take a sip. The fruity flavour had hit my tongue, and I sighed dreamily as I remembered the Commander´s kiss earlier. Chaste but still passionate, with the faintest flick of his slick tongue, sweeping over my bottom lip. There had been something rough and primal, with the way he had held me pressed against him. As if he would hold back, the tremble in his right hand indication of how much willpower it cost him to do so. But I wanted him to snap. The hot softness of his lips on mine, claiming and stealing kisses while he did the same with my virginity. No. ‘Purity”, the Commander had called it. As if he was a demon, corrupting me with every touch, every kiss till I gave in. These seven days were going to be hell. I want- 

  
‘Vhenan? Are you alright? You look flushed’ Solas faced me once more and I felt dread pool in my stomach. So worried about me. And so relieved that I hadn´t threw away what made me pure. If only he knew that it was the Commander, who stopped me. If he hadn´t, I wouldn´t be sitting here. I would had been up in the Commander´s loft, whimpering and moaning while Cullen relentlessly thrusted into me. 

'Ellana, Vhenan?' Solas asked again and I flinched, the moan dying in my throat. Ripped out of passionate daydreams of my tactical advisor, devouring me whole and making me his. No. This is not right. I can´t do this. I should not think like that. I am still in love with Solas. I think. But on the other side… I am the Inquisitor. We are at war. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? The day after? In a month? I don't want to die as a virgin, and the Commander offered me a way out. And more. My heart is in turmoil. 

‘Yes, I am. Just a little tired. Your story is amazing’ I answered mechanically, had suppressed a shudder and smiled sweetly at Solas, squeezing his hand. I want to linger, intertwine our hands and pull him close. But he does not want it. Not while he talks about his discoveries. And so I had released his hand. Hands soft and with long fingers, matching the slender graze of his body. He is just a little taller than me, maybe 5, 6 feet. Lean muscles, not unusual for a mage. But the presence of him which had drew me to him months ago, now pales in comparison to the presence of Commander Cullen. Solas has a way to speak, that makes you listen. Like hahren Aneirin, so everyone gathers around him in a circle. Once, I had held my breath in awe, closed my eyes even in the wilderness on missions. And listened to his stories. About elven artifacts, the past in general and spirits.

 

But it had become difficult in the last few weeks. Every rejection of him, every time he ends a kiss when it grows passionate, and he stops my hands from wandering. It had chilled down my heart a little more. Six months, and I don't even know his body, like a lover should. Of course, I have seen him shirtless. Traveling for weeks means washing in a river, a sea, a stream. I had admired the glimpse I got of his body back then. But he could never push me up against a bookshelf, like the Commander did. He is not packed with muscles and strength like Cullen. Not imposing, seeming larger than life. They are complete opposites, and my heart skips a beat as I look down at his hands again. Almost childlike in comparison to the rough pranks of my... no. The Commander. He isn´t mine. Yet. If he is a lion… then what animal represents Solas? Again the disrespectful nickname echoes in my head. ‘Hobo Elf’. It is really matching, with the several patches and stitches on his green surcoat. Solas does not care about appearance, his attire is simple and functional.  

Not like the Commander, with his polished and well cared armor. Everything matches, trousers the same black as his gloves, boots and belt. Vest and surcoat embroidered with golden stitching's, accents in the dark red velvet. A cotton tunic underneath, always white, never dirty. And then the fur attached to the surcoat, which increases the broadness of his shoulders. I want to feel it on my bare skin, see the Commander’s eyes dilate when I am standing before him. Naked, save for his surcoat. He the lion, me his lioness. Another title in the collection I have already, but the one with the most tempting images. But do I want this title? One week, to find out. To gather my thoughts. To decide what I truly want. 

 

And so I tried to focus on Solas, no… ma Vhenan once more. After all, I said yes as he begged for another chance. I would try. He deserves to be called that. But he makes it so easy for Cullen to worm his way in my heart. Gaze lingering on the bouquet of roses, I sighed. Roses. Not touches that made me feel as if thrown in fire. Not kisses that made me melt and moan against him. Should I tell him of Commander Cullen´s offer? Would it change anything? Would he be jealous, and stake his claim? My eyes flickered back to him, again deeply engrossed in his tale and unaware of my thoughts. I had exhaled slowly, gathered courage to tell him. To warn him. But Sol- ma Vhenan had held his hand up, silencing me with a soft smile. I had sunk back in the cushions of the couch, resolve vaporized and alone with my thoughts once more. Thoughts of the Commander, caging me in between his desk and hard body. Hand around my throat, dominating me with just a few touches and words. Everybody bows in front of me. It had thrilled me, that the Commander acted differently. And it made it difficult to stay faithful. Oh so difficult. I shouldn´t even have allowed Cullen to kiss me. Should have pulled away as he pressed my small hand against his crotch. My fingernails had dug into the cushioned armrest of the couch, as I recalled this situation. No. I need to stop. Sol- ma Vhenan is here. But my mind was merciless. The flavor of wine still on my tongue, reminding me of full scared lips against mine, a hard muscled body and strong arms that kept me pinned against the bookshelf. Rough but gentle, always in control. Heat replaced the dread in my stomach and I shifted helplessly, the images tempting, oh so tempting. When the Commander had me pressed up earlier against the bookshelf, guided my hand to his large cock. Letting me feel his desire, his want. He wanted me.

 

I almost had climaxed right then and there. Solas would rather faint on the spot, then let me touch him like this. I used to imagine Solas and me in bed, kissing and laying in a passionate embrace. But pale soft skin now warped into sunkissed muscle in my mind, slender body turning to the bulk of an seasoned warrior. Instead of soft bald skin I pictured golden locks, sliding like silk through my fingers. It was no longer Solas who kissed me and undressed me with passion and desire.  And so I had felt relieved when Solas finally bid me goodnight, our kiss in parting chaste and just lukewarm from my side. His lips were the wrong ones. I wanted the full lips of my Commander, all over my body and worshiping me. He wouldn't leave before the tenth bell, just because it was proper. No. He would stay.

As soon as the door behind Solas had clicked shut I had sprinted over to my bed. On my way the blouse had hit the ground, the feel of texture against my overheated skin uncomfortable. Leggings followed suit, flung through the room including my smalls. Flopping down on the silken sheets of my bed I whimpered in build up desire. I couldn't wait any longer. Without preamble, I had pressed two fingers against my throbbing clit, barely suppressed the loud moan that threatened to spill from my lips. A thin sheen of sweat had covered my overheated body within seconds, a welcomed sensation in the chilly night air. 

One hand balled to a fist and pressed against my mouth to suppress any sound, I circled my clit frantically, mimicking the touches that the Commander made in my imagination since the whole evening. Passionate and fast, focused on bringing me to my peak as fast as possible. Whimpers and muffled moans accompanied my ministrations and I arched my back as I pictured his thick long cock. Impaling me, again and again. Hard and deep thrusts, aimed to make me shatter. And shatter I did. With a strangled version of Cullen’s name on my lips I had climaxed hard, bucking and writhing against my own hand. And Creators, it had been divine.

 

Limply falling back into the sheets, I had kept my fingers pressed against my clit. Arousal gushed past my fingers, my whole cunt contracting in the aftershocks of my orgasm. From stories I knew this was normal, as was the slight headache that started because I tried to suppress my cries. Just a few deep breaths I had given myself to recover.

And then had I started anew, like an addict who discovered the queen of drugs. Fast circling movements of my fingers, fixated on my clit alone. The Commander wouldn't give me a chance to rest either. It was a mix of oversensitivity and lingering pleasure at first. But I had gritted my teeth and continued to rub my clit, determined to reach my high once more. To feel that ecstatic high that I had denied myself for so long. The second orgasm had felt different, not as powerful but therefore longer. Like the rushing of waves, just slowly ebbing down and freeing me from its grasp.

And now I lay here, knees bend and spread apart. The chilly night air crouches inside from open windows, makes me shiver and aware of the wetness between my legs. So much wetness. And all for him. My eyes close and I sigh. One slender hand slides over the sheets, wipes away the evidence of my betrayal of Solas’ love. Except it didn't felt like betrayal alone. It was my right to think of the Commander too. Solas now had the chance to win me back, just like the Commander now had the chance to gain my heart and body for himself. With this way of thinking I quench the guilt I feel and turn on my side, surrender to my imagination once more. I want more. My clit throbs still and I decide against another immediate assault. Like a tactician, I chose a different approach.

 

My hand draws circles on my skin, as I try to imagine how the Commander would act after we found pleasure in one another. I want him to hold me in his strong arms, kiss me gentle and rough, no fabric between our love-slick bodies. We will be covered in sweat and come, marking us both as the possession of the other. His muscles will twitch under my touch, and I long to see them for real. Hear his breathy groans and grunts as I descend lower with fingers and lips. But then I hesitate, the look of shock in Solas’ eyes disturbing my imagination. 

Would the Commander look the same way at me? Maybe be even annoyed, because I technically had no clue what I am doing exactly? Dorian’s description was very detailed, and I guess I could mask my non existent experience with confidence. But there is something else that makes me falter. Human´s are hairy. Not only on their head, but also their body. Arms, legs. Chest and belly. Further down. And in their faces, at least the males. Like the Commander. I had felt the stubble scratch against my face earlier, shudder as I imagine this scratching sensation somewhere else. Yes. This image is much better. After all, I am the Inquisitor. I deserve to be worshipped like that.

My fingertips trails featherlight across my skin, the soft swell of my belly and breasts. Then I curl my fingers, let my pointed filed long nails scratch lightly along my skin in a poor attempt to simulate his scratching stubble. Goosebumps raise and I shudder again, following the lines of my vallaslin. The tattoo trails in delicate thin swirls all over my body, like rose tendrils. Only my hands, feet, belly and intimate area are free of Vallaslin, for practical reasons. I need unclouded feel of my hands and feet, otherwise I would make an miserable hunter. The part of my belly and lower stomach remains free, like for every other female member of the clan. During a pregnancy the body shape changes in this area to much, and would warp the written worship to our creators, in my case mythal, into a mockery. As for my intimate parts… well. I simply chickened out.

 

The white ink almost glows, one of the reasons why I had chosen this color. Despite my elven heritage, I am rather sturdy in built, curves where other elves would have been slender. It’s not that bad, but the food and especially sweets in Skyhold had made me go soft. Muscles are still there, and I consider myself fit - but my body had been the first thing I didn't thought perfect when Solas rejected me. Well. His loss.

My fingers continue their senusal travel over my skin. I suppress a yawn and then glance over to the windows. The moon is still up, and with a greedy smile I decide that another round of touching is surely tolerated, before I go to sleep. Exhaling audibly I shift on my back again, nimble fingers sliding on their own between my legs. It feels sticky but I don’t care, ignore the scent of my arousal as I start to circle my clit anew. Eyelids fluttering close, images appear before my inner eyes. To give myself credit, I try it at first with an image of Solas. But the puppy look is rather quenching my lust, then stocking it. 

And so I switch to another man, who looks at me with smoldering eyes while I lay before him, legs spread and knees bend, baring myself to his hungry gaze. A shudder ripples through me as I imagine how he watches me, golden eyes flickering between my face and circling fingers. My lips pressed in a thin line I try to imagine how he sounds during sex. Is he silent just as me, fearing to be heard and discovered? I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and shake my head. No. He will be loud. Grunting and growling while he strokes himself, rhythm matching my own. Telling everybody what he is doing, unashamed. Groaning my name, proud of the fact that it is me in front of him.

 

The image of Commander Cullen pleasuring himself because of my brazen display is like a rush of desire, and I can't contain myself any longer. A high pitched moan escapes my lips and I turn my head to the side, burying into the pillow. I want more than him just watching me. His movements are always so controlled. I want him to snap, pounce on me like the wild lion i imagine him to be. Slapping my fingers away and burying his face between my legs, sucking and licking on my clit. The description from Sera helps me to intensify my fantasy, and my breathing becomes labored as the pleasure rises in me. His slick tongue, lapping and licking, loving the way how I taste. Growling while he has his face buried between my legs, two rough calloused fingers thrusting inside me. I am trembling all over, picturing the Commander releasing my clit with a parting suck, before crawling over me. His cock is hard and ready, and I press four fingers against my clit. To mimic the pressure as he rubs his cock against me, gathering my wetness and then thrusting inside with a loud growl and possessive blazing eyes. Claiming me, corrupting me. 

 

In my fantasy the cry is swallowed by his full scared lips in a passionate kiss as I climax. But in reality there is nothing that muffles me, so his name echoes through the room as I scream. 

‘Fuck yes, Cullen, YES!’

 

 


	4. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dubcon in this chapter (Sexual assault). Its brief. But be aware. Also, regarding the "nice" comment of that reader on Chapter one: I already hinted in the last chapter that Ellana is a conflicted person. And not "a bitch who only cares about sex".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that my update schedule... well.. there is none. I will write and upload a chapter, when I have the time and am satisfied with it. So if you want to stick to this story, make sure to subscribe/bookmark. I can´t promise when a new chapter will be up.  
> (Also: For every kudo, comment, subscription and bookmark my tiny heart feels hugged <3 And I feel already so incredibly drowned in hugs!)

 

 

Something is wrong. The whole morning, curious lingering eyes accompanied my way. I am used to looks, full of wonder and worship. But this? Knowing glances in the eyes of the nobles, a strange inappropriate remark of Sera during breakfast. Something about ‘positions’ and ‘men under him’. I hadn't listened too closely to her. She sometimes rants and rants, without making sense. But that´s why I love her. She does not care if I listen to her tales. All that matters is us being friends, and me saying yes when she wants to beat some arrogant noble. Creators, that one time had been glorious and satisfying for us both - even though it had earned me stern disapproving glances from Lady Montilyet afterwards.

But still. Something has changed since yesterday. As I walk past the training grounds, several soldiers salute me. Not their usual stoic salute. There is a gleaming of pride and ease in their eyes. Maybe the Commander had rejected his plan of running drills today. I used to watch these drill sessions before I grew close with So- Vhenan. It was a sight to behold. The way he had ordered all these men around, booming voice, dominant presence and unforgiving diligence. Sharp golden eyes taking in every move, every mistake the recruits made, and correcting them with cutting words. They had worked hard, and did so still. Eager to earn their superiors approval. Which he rarely gave. I worry my bottom lip again as my thoughts drift away further, walking absently through the halls of Skyhold. Creators, I want him to command me around to. Earn his approval. What would I give for just one appreciative glance from these golden eyes.

No, wait. I will not think about him. Not now. Head held high I enter the main building, and my ears twitch. My eyes narrow as I stop in my movements and listen more closely. Whispers of servants, my name on their lips. Not my title. My name. They blush and turn away when I draw nearer, and it sets me on edge. I don't need anymore distractions. Not now. With a grimace I tuck at the waistband of my smalls, subtly slack the bindings on either side. The relief is instantly, and I am able to walk less odd. Less. But a little bit odd is still needed.The silken fabric of my smalls rubs mercilessly against my oversensitive clit, and to wear leggings like usual had proved to be impossible. I may have exaggerated last night. Just a little. One more time became two, then three. And maybe my metaphor yesterday is right somehow. The Commander has corrupted me.

 

The short red skirt is a good alternative though, reaching mid thigh. It also looks rather saucy in combination with my knee high boots, according to Sera. But I don't care. It's one layer less from making me shift every two minutes and want to sit in ice. To compensate the lack of clothing on my lower body, I wear a large knitted scarf over my white blouse, which covers my back, chest and part of my belly. With slow measured steps that decreased the remaining stimulation further, I turn to my right. The steady hurried scratch of quill against parchment tells me, that Master Tethras is deep in writing his story. He only lifts his hand in greeting as I pass by. Strange. I have never seen his quill fly so rapidly over the parchments. We don´t know each other well, and in any other circumstance, I would have scolded him for not greeting me properly. But I have more important things to do now. Closing the door behind me, I freeze in my movements and the smile on my lips vanishes. My senses as hunter kick in, and instinctively one hand goes to the little knife, that is attached to the belt in the small of my back. Cautious eyes flickering around, I take in the scene that greets me.

Just a few candles are lit, illuminating the room in a way that casts shadows everywhere. The desk is vacant. Books, parchments and scrolls in chaotic disarray. Senses sharpening further, I notice the mug on the floor, on the wall next to the door where I am. Or what's left of it. Shards in the middle of a puddle. I can make out the flavor of the tea. Peppermint. Licking my lips, I pull the knife soundlessly from its sheath. I will my heart down to a normal beating pace and stop at the second door frame. Silence lies settled like a blanket over the lowest floor, not even the sounds of the crows in the rockery are audible. It also looks as if a thin layer of fog conceals the sight to the upper levels. Strange. 

Sol- Vhenan is nowhere to be seen, and the shattered mug worries me. What if he had been attacked? My heart sinks at the thought as I enter the round room on silent feet. The gloomy atmosphere makes it difficult to see and I grit my teeth. So many shadows. The attacker could be everywhere. Inch by inch I draw nearer to the desk, knife hidden in my right hand. Stay cool, Ellana. You´re a hunter. You´re trained for sneaking around and remaining unseen at the same time. My eyes flicker around watchfully and I hold my breath, listening to something, anything that signals me if, and where the attacker could be. A breath, a swallow, a rustling of clothes. But its silent, save for my own heartbeat. Tongue darting out I lick my lips as I reach the desk finally. The silence worries me. I can´t hear anything. Not even the murmur of the people in the second and third floor of the rotunda. Maybe the fog has caused this. I-

My back connects with the wall to the right, so forceful that I cry out and drop the dagger. It hurts and my head is spinning, as the unforgiving stone meets the back of my head. A wave of pain radiates from the spot and I feel nauseous instantly, only kept upright by slender hands that press my shoulder blades flat against the wall.

‘Is it true what they whisper?! Don't fool me!’ A harsh voice snarls at me in anger. I squeeze my eyes shut and my reflexes finally kick in. Attack. I am under attack. How dare they! Using the weight that presses me against the wall to my own leverage I pull up my knees, then slam my feet square into the attacker's chest. He stumbles backwards with a pained gasp and I don´t lose time, picking up my dagger and lunging forward. I am not heavy, maybe 110 pounds. But I know how to use the little bit of weight I have.

 

Barrelling into my attacker we both tumble to the ground, me on top and straddling him. Blood rushes in my ears as he groans in surprise and pain, my impact on the ground thankfully cushioned by his body. My teeth bared I press the knife against his throat, other hand grabbing both his hands and lifting them over his head. No one attacks me, the proud dalish hunter and Inquisitor! Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, I am ready to kill. Eyes blazing down in fury and bloodlust, I almost miss the croaked words that drifts up to me.

‘Vhenan. Vhenan stop! It´s me!’ I blink in surprise and lower my knife a little bit, looking more closely at my attacker. The scent, his scent of elfroot and fresh earth tickles my nose. All blood drains from my face. Oh creators, fuck!

‘... So... Solas?’ My voice wavers in surprise as I look down into blue eyes, his handsome face slightly distorted in pain. By the creators, what is going on here? We are both breathing hard as we stare at each other, his hands on my thighs and digging into my flesh. The knife clatters to the ground and I lean forward, taking his face in my hands.

‘Oh Vhenan, I am so sorry! Did I hurt you?’ I ask in panic and worry, gaze flickering over his face. His eyes flash up at my words and then our positions are reserved within heartbeats, he towering over me like a predator and keeping my hands pinned above my head., I gasp in surprise but he just growls dangerously low, then smashes our lips together in a brutal kiss. My back arches and my moan is muffled as he thrusts his tongue in my mouth, and I loose every sense of reality. His hands are everywhere all of sudden, under my skirt and on my small breasts, groping and squeezing hard. It hurts  and is painful, especially as he presses the heel of his hand against my clit. I whimper and writhe under him, trying to get some distance between our bodies. He is mindless of my discomfort and just presses harder, the over sensibility of my clit like waves of fire. Tears gather in my eyes while he kisses me possessive, like a animal that has found its prey.

 

‘Is it true what they say? What they whisper? Did you let that dirty shem take what you promised to your god?!’ I don't recognize his voice as he speaks against my lips, it's so much deeper and full of malice. No love, no tenderness. Just anger and aggression. I am shaking and whimpering as he pulls my smalls aside, thrusting his finger inside me to the first digit.

My eyes snap open and I scream into his mouth, the feel of his finger stretching me painful and intrusive. No wetness had eased his entering and he must have noticed, because all of sudden he pushes away from me and releases his iron hold on my hands. I am trembling and curling into a ball, the feel of weakness and shame choking me. Creators, hadn't I dreamed of Solas being so aggressive and passionate? Then why wasn't´I aroused at all as I felt his wandering hands and fingers? What is wrong with me? A thumping sound is heard as he falls to his knees next to me, then pulls me against his chest

*Vhenan… Oh Ellana my heart’ he babbles in shock, cradling my sobbing form in his arms and holding me tight. I hate the way how he holds me, like a child in his arms. But i can´t move, my thoughts paralyzing me.

‘I… I am so sorry. I couldn´t think… ‘ he continues to babble and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to calm myself. Stroking my hair, he presses kisses all over my forehead and temple, continues to talk and keeping me locked in his arms.

 

‘The thought that someone else touches you. Take your purity… A dirty shem no less…’ I pull away at that, paralysis giving way to anger bubbling up in me.

‘Cullen is no dirty shem!’ My words are hissed and laced with hurt, and we are both taken aback by the venom and coldness that swings in my voice. Why do I feel the need to defend the Commander? I am with Solas, not him. My face must have showed my emotions because Vhenan pulls me close again, rocking me softly to the left and right.

‘It´s okay da’len’ he murmurs and I tense at the word.

‘You are confused. But it´s alright. Since ages we elves have faced the temptations of shemlen, and had difficulties to resist. But you need to remember your heritage, your blood. We elves need to stay together, and away from them’ his words are like a mantra, the words he had feed me since the very beginning. My breath comes in shallow pants as I try to block his voice out. This is the reason why I have no friends beside Sera and him. Always keeping distance to the shem. Because I am a proud dalish. But I feel so lonely sometimes. I wish I hadn't rejected Lady Montilyet´s offer for tea every time. She isn't asking anymore. I keep every non-elf away at arm's length. Because they are not worthy of my attention.

 

A strangled sob escapes my lips and my Vhenan keeps me tight against him, stroking my hair and kissing my ear. Heat sparks through me as his lips touch the sensitive shell, and I bury my face in his chest.

‘Ar lath ma, Vhenan’ he whispers and turns my face up to him, strokes my cheek tenderly. Warmth blooms in my chest at his words, beginning to melt the ice that had gathered there through all his rejections.

‘Please tell me that you stayed faithful’ I inhale sharply at his question and pull away a bit, looking away. My heart closes up, my thoughts racing. When I glance back up at Solas, he looks so vulnerable. I can't tell him the truth. It would hurt him.

‘I stayed faithful. Of course I did’ The lie leaves my lips easily, so easily that I am ashamed of myself. But my feelings are in turmoil, I can't think straight. Is it cheating when you kiss someone else? It was just lust, desire and passion. And just a fleeting kiss, nothing more. A peek on the lips. Like friends. I kiss Sera like this sometimes too. It  means friendship. But still… why do I long to feel the Commander´s lips again? I shouldn't feel this way, It´s not faithful at all. I should not dally with shems. Creators, what have I done.

 

‘I'm glad, my Vhenan’ Solas speaks softly and smiles, unaware of my dark thoughts and lie.

‘I am just so afraid to lose you. When I heard the rumors, I couldn't think straight…’ My eyelids flutter at his words and I look up at him. Eyebrows drawn together I try to make sense of his words.

‘Rumors?’ I echo puzzled, and my Vhenan swallows hard, his hold on me tightens again.

‘They said he came to your bed last night. The servants whispered this morning how you whimpered and moaned his name.’ I freeze at his words and am on my feet in a heartbeat, a strangled sound on my lips.

‘What?!’ I inquire in a high pitched voice, eyes open wide and horror twisting my face into a grimace. Oh creators, no! Fen’harel, take me!

 

Solas flinches as if slapped, but remains on his knees in front of me, hands now folded in his lap. My chest heaves and sinks while I try to fill my lungs with air, but it´s difficult. My throat constricts.They heard me. Who else heard me? Oh fuck fuck fuck! Not this again! Turning away from Solas, I cover my face with my hands, trying to quench down the hysteria. I am losing control. I can´t lose control. I am the Inquisitor. My whole body trembles as I fight myself, battling the emotions that try to consume me. No wonder Solas didn't appeared to breakfast with me and Sera like usual. Oh creators… What should I do?!

‘They are lying!’ I say before I can stop myself, another lie that cuts like a shard into the fragile construct of our relationship.

‘I didn't invite the Commander to my bed. I hate shems!’ My face twists as I say these words, they ring hollow and empty. A tiny voice inside me chides and laughs. It´s not what I am supposed to feel, and I slowly recognize this. I don't hate shems. Back with my clan, we had regularly contact to the shems of the villages near our camp. They always had been friendly, and even gave the da´lens chocolate and other sweets. So why do I hate Shemlen now? It´s not how I grew up!

Shaking my head I turn back to Solas, who had risen meanwhile. Blue eyes rest upon me calculating, but the expression vanishes as he notices me looking at him. My eyes narrow and I study him more closely, ignoring the soft smile on his lips and look of adoration for a moment. It was him, who feed me these thoughts. From the very beginning, Solas told me not to trust the shemlen. Realization washes over me and I take a step back, away from him. His hate for humans is different than the hate of Sera. Sera dislikes and is disgusted with shem who abuse their position and power. But many of the red jenny´s are shemlen as well. She had told me that. Not all shem are bad. With a grimace I lift my hand up, massaging my temple. A headache starts to form behind my eyes and I finally tear my gaze away from Solas. My Vhenan.

 

Maybe it´s more that draws me to Commander Cullen then lust and desire. Because this, I can´t deny. I want him to kiss me again. Feel his hands on my body. I-

Slender hands on my waist startle me, rip me out of my thoughts. I look up into blue eyes, and gasp.

‘My Vhenan…’ Solas says softly and smiles, my heart beating faster as he says the endearment yet again.

‘I´m sorry that I scared you. It wasn´t my intention.’ His words are like silk and I sigh as he angles my face upwards, his lips brushing over mine. The kiss is featherlight and tender, making my stomach flutter. But my heart, my treacherous heart, it forces me to compare his lips to the ones of someone else. The feeling is different. The butterflies less then I felt them when the Commander kissed me. Shocked by this enlightenment I pull away, my hands curled in the rough linen of my Vhenan´s attire. No. I should not think like that. I am with Solas. I only desire my Vhenan. Not an Shem.

 

‘No… I think I…’ my cheeks heat up as I try to translate my thoughts into words. Yes. Maybe that´s it. The only thing that draws me to Commander Cullen is his passion. And the rumors that circulate about him in Skyhold. Just an infatuation, a silly infatuation. He is not worthy of my attention. I repeat these words in my head, making myself believe them. Taking a deep breath, I say in a soft purr.

..: I liked it. To an extend. Just maybe… I don´t know… be more careful next time?’ I had intended to provoke my vhenan into action once more, but his reaction is different. He pulls away abruptly at my words as if burned, blue eyes wide and shocked. Instantly hurt and humiliation lances through me, and my lips twitch in budding annoyance.

‘No. There will be no next time!’ He says insistent and determined, and just like that, we are back at the old game of rejection and longing.

‘Solas, damn you! I said I liked it!’ I say in despair, hands dropping to my sides as he steps away, forcing more distance between us.

‘No, Vhenan. We can´t. Not now. I first need to-’ He starts to explain, but I interrupt him by holding up my hand.

‘I don´t want to hear it!’ I spat, feeling almost dizzy at the fast change of emotions. Its like being thrown in icy water, again and again. My patience is wearing thin and I hiss like a cat as he opens his mouth once more.

‘Shut up! I don´t have time for your prude nonsense! I have more important things to do!’ My voice rises with each word, the sting of rejection like a hot nail of iron in my heart. Not waiting for an answer I whirl around and march to the door where I came from, looking over my shoulder as I place my hand on the doorhandle. How very familiar…

 

‘If you decide to finally act like a lover should, you know where to find me!’ With that I rip open the door and rush through, banging it shut behind me with might. The sound echoes through the stones rooms of the keep but I ignore it. My steps are determined and focused, and just faintly I notice the whispers and glances of the people around me once again as I rush through the hall. A growl escapes my lips and on height of the door to Lady Montilyet´s office I turn around, cold gaze fixed on everyone gathered in the hall.

‘Don´t you have better things to do than gossip?! Stop that right now! Back to your duties! The Inquisitor demands it!’ I bark harshly and to my satisfaction more than one person flinches. Several gasp and one of the stupid orlesian noble woman actually drops on the floor, feigning a dizzy spell. I snort in disgust, then rip open the door to the Ambassador´s office and bolt through. Another bang and I am left in silence once more, my angry steps the only thing echoing along the corridor as I stalk to the war room. I am too late to the meeting, but I don´t care. They made me Inquisitor, so they will wait till I have the time to attend. Stupid shemlen. Stupid Andraste. Stupid Maker.

 

My hand with the mark flares up and I ball it into a fist, then open the door with an well aimed kick at the lock. Three pairs of eyes snap up at my spectacular entrance and I keep my teeth bared. Blood is pumping in my veins still and I am sure I look like a mess, but I don´t care. I didn´t signed up for this shit. What did Seeker Penthagast say once to the mages I recruited?

Deal. with. It

Ignoring the eyes of my advisors I rush past the wartable and over to the tea cart. It´s filled with bottles of water, fresh tea in a can and some pastries and cookies. But my eyes are fixated on the crystalline bottle with amber liquid. The spicy and herbal scent fills my nostrils as I pull away he stopper, then take a large swig direct from the bottle itself. I can´t tell how often I have done this, since becoming Inquisitor. But the pressure is too much, and the alcohol helps me to stay calm. To face my responsibilities every day. Eyes squeezing shut I relish in the burning feel as the whiskey runs down my throat, igniting the warmth of a different kind in my belly. The rim of the bottle leaves my lips and I take a deep breath, before placing the whiskey back down with a loud thud. Alcohol tints my breath and I lick my lips, then turn around to face and acknowledge my advisors finally. I can almost sense the disapproval that radiates from them, even though they mask it with blank faces or in the case of Lady Montilyet with shimmering eyes and a twitch of her painted lips.

She is also the first who breaks the silence. Like always.

 

‘Inquisitor. I´m glad you found the time to attend’ Her voice is soft, as if she would speak to a child. But the alcohol in my belly keeps me calm so I merely nod, then take my position at the opposite of my advisors. My arms fold over my chest on their own, and just like that I am the stern Inquisitor once again. Eyes aware of everything, mind sharp as we begin the meeting. Somewhere through the council I glance up from the map, feeling watched. I catch the golden eyes of the Commander, resting on me. Judging, calculating. Searching.  My right eye twitches in annoyance but he does not break his stare. His intense gaze is unsettling and he keeps it upright, even while he discusses some request with Lady Montilyet. It unnerves me, makes my skin crawl. Distracted I begin to bite at the sharp pointed fingernail of my thumb, unease growing in me. To my shame I am the first who looks away, losing this battle of dominance. What if he had heard the rumors as well? The thought makes my throat constrict again and I ball my other hand to a fist, fingernails digging in my flesh. No wonder the servants and nobles had whispered earlier as they saw me. Creators, what will they think of me? I had worked so hard to make them fear and respect me. The headache peeks up once again and I grunt in sudden pain, lifting the clenched hand up to my temple and press my knuckles against the throbbing vein.

‘Inquisitor, are you alright?’ Lady Montilyet´s voice drifts over to me, and I feel the urge to vomit at the sympathy in her voice. How dare she to think I need sympathy?! Lips pressed in a thin line I pull my hand away and glance up to her, eyes drifting past the Commander who still stares at me. Oh fuck off!

‘Yes. I am alright. Continue!’ I say tersely and agitated, eyes dropping down on the map again after a stern glance to the ambassador. She does not even flinch but merely nods, scribbling down something on the clipboard in her hands. The scratching of the quill irritates me further, but I can´t allow myself no longer to show weakness. And so the council continues, annoying me with stupid requests of nobles who want me to attend to their parties and banquets. Not because they care about me, Ellana. No. All they see is the authority I wield, the influence I have. No one sees that this whole power is suffocating me. Every day more, every night eating away the joyful girl I once was.

 

I miss the woods, the nature. Being on missions in the emerald graves or hinterlands isn't the same, never will be the same. Tears gather in my eyes but I blink them away, trying to focus on the council once more. Not that I need to. Most of the requests can be handled by the advisors alone. It was my idea to be present to every damn meeting. I wanted to show that I have the last say in everything. That the shems can´t decide something without my approval. Another burden I created myself. Another duty.

With a sigh I knock on the war table, snipping away the marker of our next big mission away in an childish rebellious action. I don´t want to go to Halamshiral. The thought alone of all these nobles staring at me makes me sick. None of them believes that I am the blessed herald. I don't even believe it myself. The marker sails diagonally over the wartable, falls over the edge and clatters to the ground at the opposite. My lips twitch at the sound. Take that, Celene!

 

I focus on the map once more, listening absently to a discussion between Lady Montilyet and Sister Nightingale. Something about nobles, of course its always nobles.It takes almost endlessly. Waste´s my time. Annoyed I glance up, noticing something odd. The space between the two female advisors. It´s empty. A heartbeat later a large gloved hand settles in the small of my back, and the scent of heady perfume and fresh male sweat envelops me. His touch is hot as he leans over me from behind, so incredibly hot. Searing me, making my heart beat faster.

‘End the meeting. Now.’ His voice is cutting like steel, pure dominance and tolerating no objections. I inhale sharply, my hands trembling.

A few seconds pass while I try to gather my thoughts, and as I look up once more the Commander is back on the opposite of the table. Golden eyes pinning me in place, the marker I had snipped away earlier placed in front of me on its original spot. Golden eyes drilled on me, reminding me of his order. I feel the urge to obey.

  
‘I…I want… eh… that is….’ my voice wavers as I start, and my cheeks flush in embarrassment as Lady Montilyet and Sister Nightingale turn to me in surprise. It is rare that I don´t know what to say. I swallow hard and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly and steeling myself. I am the Inquisitor. Inquisitors don´t stutter. Squaring my shoulders I stand up straight, hands folded now behind my back to conceal that they tremble.

 

‘That will be all. Dismissed’ I am proud of my stern voice, all business and arrogance once more. For a moment I have again all three advisors staring at me, and I keep my head held high, staring right back. The Commander moves first and my eyes flicker back down to the map, my posture relaxing as I hear the other´s falling into motion as well. Their footsteps echo through the room and I close my eyes. Just a little longer.

The clicking of the door falling shut marks my freedom. A sigh of exhaustion leaves my lips, and I tip my head back, posture relaxing.

‘Fucking shemlen and their stupid politics… Celene kiss my ass’ I murmur and roll my shoulders, trying to ease the tension that makes my muscles feel hard and like stone. I hate this. Its too much. Too much responsibility, decisions, questions. I am a simple hunter, not a leader. But I can´t let them know. Never. I will rather break, than admit defeat. Even if it costs my own sanity. I´m a dalish. And proud. And this is why I need to end this… whatever it is with the Commander as well. A shem can´t give me, what one of my people can. And this will be the last time that he had ordered me to do something. Still, it feels good to be alone. I can be myself, even though it only will be just for a few minutes. I will treasure them.

 

Tapping my fingers twice rhythmically on the wooden surface of the wartable, I turn. Stretching like a cat, my joints pop. It helps to ease some of the build up pain. But then I grimace as the seam of my smalls brushes against my tender clit at the movement. A spark of heat surges through me and I hiss. Creators. Next time I should stop after three times.

‘Or the damned Commander could stop to be so fucking sexy’ I mumble to myself, lips twitching as I realize what I just said. Creators, thankfully Solas isn´t here. He is on the edge as it is. And did I not even five seconds ago decided to ignore the Commander´s words? Or rather… actions. But on the other side… Hence the dominant order, he hadn´t given an indication that something had happened between us yesterday. That he knows how to affect me. Maybe he had already forgotten about his offer. Yes. Otherwise he would have acted differently during the meeting. Not only stared at me so calculating. With that thought in mind, I saunter over to the large wooden door, and place my hand on the handle.

‘I don´t even know why I obeyed to his order at all...’ I mutter to myself and open the door. Then everything happens very fast. The door has opened maybe five inches, before a large hand slams it shut again. The loud bang that resonates through the room makes me jump, and the sudden breeze tousles my hair.

 

Heart beating wildly in my chest, I fix my eyes on the large splayed out hand. Concealed by a black glove, the forearm by silver vambraces with the Templar insignia etched into it. I squeak very un-inquisitorly as I realize who just had thrust the door shut. Oh Creators. He had been here all the time?! Blood rushes in my cheeks and then I squeak anew, as a large hand comes down on my ass. Pain blooms and I stagger forwards. He follows the movement, caging me in between the door and a hard unforgiving body while the slapping sound echoes through the room. His breath is hot against my ear, goosebumps raising on my skin as he speaks in his deep baritone voice.

 

‘Finally alone, Ellana…’

 

 


	5. Salvation

 

 

The Commander pressed me against the wood with his hard armored body, careful not to crush me but dominant enough so I won’t object. As if I would. My hands are splayed out on either side of my head, flat against the door. I can hear my own heart beating. Loud, so loud. The Commander´s heady masculine scent surrounds me and I inhale it deeply, like an addict. He is my drug, I know this deep in my heart. A powerful drug that makes me weak, but powerful at the same time. A different kind of strength, only he is able to create and ignite in me. Unmoving I watch how he slides his own hand down the door, the sound of leather scratching over wood a sweet torture. Slowly, Slowly. As if we have all the time in the world. His hand drifts lower, till it reaches mine. I suck in a breath as he uses the gaps between my fingers as path, before curling his fingers under my palm, interlacing our hands. A soft thud follows as he places our hands back against the wood, showing me visually that he has the upper hand. Silence reigns and I hear the soft rustling of clothes. His breath is hot against my sensitive ear and it tells me that he is bending down slightly to be closer.

‘I like what you wear today, Ellana…’ The Commander murmurs softly and deep. The skin of my cheeks prickles as they color a bright pink at the praise. Solas hasn't commented on my different outfit. All he did was filling my heart with hatred for shem. My eyes squeeze shut at the last word and I lean my head forward, forehead touching the cool wood. The Commander´s words are like a caress and my eyes flutter shut as he speaks again.  
‘It would be so easy to fuck you now from behind... mount you and show you what I had Imagined last night while pleasuring myself...’ I suck in a choked breath at his words, my stomach clenching as I picture it. Being taken like that. Primal and feral, out in public and not in my chambers. Showing everyone that I am his. My eyelids flutter at that thought. Oh Creators… this man is a desire demon. He has to be.  
His other hand settles down on my waist, the warmth palpable through the glove he wears. I stay completely still, my heart hammering in my chest. All thoughts and good intentions to stay faithful are forgotten. All that matters is his body, touching mine. His voice, soothing me more than the strongest alcohol could ever do. The Commander radiates strength and protection, and I bask in this cocoon of salvation.

 

My lips parted I pant in anticipation, even though he hasn't done anything beside speaking and touching me the littlest bit. Gloved thumb drawing soft circles in my clothes skin he keeps us both still, movements slow and calming me. As if he knows that I need this first. Silence. Reassurance. I swallow the lump down that had formed in my throat, then glance over my shoulder up at him. His face is just inches away from mine, full lips pulled in a smirk. Not malicious. Not devilish. Simply… a heated smirk. The heat in my belly rises, just as he slides his hand further along my waist, splaying out on my stomach. Golden eyes lock with mine and his smirk stretches even further, as he tilts his head the tiniest bit.  
‘Breathe against my hand, Ellana… we don´t want you to faint before we have started’ he says in a dark tone and I bit my bottom lip, nodding ever so slightly. It is an order, but it's wrapped in softness and adoration.  
Even through the silk of my blouse I can feel the heat, the gentle pressure he applies with his hand. It´s not enough and so I try to ease down my harsh panting, drawing deep breaths just like he told me. And my reward is immediately as he increases the pressure of his hand a little and brushes with his full lips against my ear. Slowly the anxiety loosens and I feel my body relax, leaning against his armored one for support.

‘Yes, just like that. Good girl.’ He praises and kisses the pointed tip, nipping softly. I inhale sharply in response, desire washing over me. The Commander chuckles and soothes the nipped point, trailing lower again. To my neck, kissing and nipping softly. I crane my neck to give him better access, squeezing our interlaced hands as he rubs himself against me. His cock is rock hard and I shudder, pushing back against him unintentionally. When the Commander speaks again, his voice is rougher, a little more breathy than before.   
‘I´ve heard you last night…’ I tense up but he presses himself harder against him, cock throbbing and pulsing.  
‘...I wish I could have seen what you did to yourself. Your enthralling eyes dark with lust, fingers circling your clit. I would love to watch next time…‘ he sighs audibly in my ear and his hand wraps around my waist, tightening. My head is spinning, trying to process his dirty words. He likes to watch? Oh...oh…  
I shudder as the images of yesterday flashes before my eyes. Him kneeling between my legs, stroking himself and eyes glued on my soaking cunt while I touch myself. A soft moan escapes me, and I hear myself ask  
‘What would you do then?’ my voice is trembling and the Commander groans low at my words, grinding his hard cock against my backside.

 

‘It would cost all my willpower not to take you right then. My cock is aching for you, Ellana. I would order you to stop short before you crest. I want to feel your tight cunt clench around my cock. Milk me, take my seed. Maker…’ he groans the last word again, his face dropped between my shoulder blades. I can feel his cock twitch in his trousers and close my eyes, try to imagine how it would feel. The other girls have whispered that it is possible to feel when a man comes inside you. I want to feel that. I want to feel how he spills inside me. Pleasure surges through me at the thought, and the possible consequence, My belly growing with his child. A family with him. Being his alone.  
‘Oh… Oh please…’ I say in a half whispered, half moaned tone.   
‘Please touch me!’

In a flash he spins me around between the door and his body, releasing our interlaced hands and settling boths hands on my waist. I yelp as he lifts me up as if I would weigh nothing at all, up in the air and my stomach on eye-level. Frantically my hands try to find purchase on his shoulders, digging into the soft fur of his surcoat while he turns around in the direction of the war table. Fear mixes with desire. He will let me drop. It will hurt. My eyes are wide and I stare down at him, my hair like a curtain on either side of my face. A few tresses graze the vambraces that protect his arms and the Commander nuzzles his face against the softness of my belly and then lower, nudging against the fabric of my skirt and inhaling deeply.  
‘You smell so good… I wonder if you taste just as sweet’ he growls but I can´t enjoy this compliment, the words of So- my Vhenan echoing in my head.   
‘No! Let me down!’ I exclaim in budding panic and he lowers me at once in surprise, our faces now on eyelevel as he presses me back against the wall once more. His hands don´t even tremble but still I am nervous, just slowly relaxing as I feel the hard wood press against my back once more.

 

‘Why are you afraid, Ellana?’ The Commander murmurs softly, but I can trace the worry in his voice too. His voice is still gruff with arousal, eyes a dark golden color.  
‘You would have dropped me!’ I say without thinking and his eyes narrow at that. Thigh wedged between my legs and this way keeping me up and on eyelevel he cups my face with one hand, tracing the vallaslin on my cheek. I calm down slowly but still my hold on the fur is tight. Thoughts swirl in my head.   
‘Ellana. Look at me’ The Commander orders softly but insistent, and my eyes tear away from the spot on the floor, back up to his face. Golden eyes are dark with desire still, but softer and filling me with warmth. It spreads all over my skin, makes it prickle and tickle. I nuzzle into his palm like a cat, feeling idiotic for my words earlier within heartbeats.

‘Love’ he says next, and my eyes widen at the endearment. The blush intensifies and so does the warmth I feel. The way the Commander says it… as if he would mean it…  
Full lips part and he looks at me with an intense gaze, reminding me of the way he had looked earlier, during the meeting. Sadness flickers in his eyes. Just for a second, but it's there.  
‘You are not afraid that I would drop you.’ He states after a few seconds, and I am taken aback by his words. My eyes narrow as he brushes with his thumb over my bottom lip. He seems to contemplate for a few seconds and I slowly loose the hold I have on his attire, instead settling my hands on his shoulders.   
‘You are afraid I would hurt you’ his words cut in my heart like a blade, and I blanch.   
‘No! That´s not true!’ I croak in despair, longing for the easy desire and lust that had surrounded us just seconds before. Till I killed the mood with my idiotic behavior.  
The whole situation makes me feel stupid, so stupid. I need to fix this. Hands curling in the buckles of his breastplate once more I pull him closer, our lips almost touching. He offers no resistance but his gaze remains intense. Searching. Contemplating. 

‘Forget what I said’ I plead in a whisper, nuzzling his nose with mine.  
‘Kiss me, please. Just like yesterday’   
His eyes darken at my words but the Commander slowly shakes his head, humming thoughtfully as hurt flickers over my face.

 

‘This between us won´t work if you question my sincerity towards you every time’ he says softly and slow, drawing every word out and then adds  
‘I won't ever hurt you, Ellana. No one here wants to hurt you’ I press my lips in a thin line at this words, then glance to the side again. Ashamed. Why is he able to read my biggest fears so easily?  
‘You can´t guarantee that’ I mumble almost inaudibly and then a gloved forefinger touches the spot under my chin, tilting my face back to him.  
‘You're right.’ He says and my eyes widen. Solas was right all humans-  
‘I won´t guarantee it, because I will swear it with my life’ his words echo through the room, the sincerity and determination catching me by surprise. It goes against everything that my Vhenan had ever told and preached me. But as I look into these dark golden eyes… I believe him.

‘You swear it?’ I whisper softly, my eyes becoming a little watery as the Commander presses his forehead against mine and exhales. He looks at me so intently, his gaze enthralling and captivating me. His voice is rough, the deep baritone that had drawn me to him since the first day.  
‘Ellana. I will swear to the Maker and your Creators, that I would rather die, than cause you pain. I want to protect, cherish and adore you, like you deserve it, and a lot more’ My mouth goes dry as he speaks, brushing his lips against mine in a soft caress.  
‘If you let me, I want hold you every night, watch over you and guard your sleep. Will be by your side every day. Not only as your advisor but also as your lover, partner and husband’

 

My mind is reeling with his devoted words, sounding too good to be true. Lover, partner and husband… oh Creators. Yes, yes I want this. This man, who is able to capture my heart with just a few touches, whispers and promises. Damn to these six days!   
‘I… I…’ my stammering gets shushed by one gloved forefinger, placed softly on my lips.   
‘Ssh Ellana. Let my words sink in, take root in your heart and let them grow. Give them the chance to be your guidance. Now, and in six days at midnight.’ He whispers entrancingly, his breath ghosting over my lips.

‘I… okay…’ I whisper almost inaudibly. His mouth pulls in a smirk again as he tangles one hand in my hair, tucking a strand behind my pointed ear. My heart is beating like mad as I stare up into his eyes, golden like the dawning sun and the windows to his soul. The look he gives me, grants me the courage to request what my heart screams at me.  
‘C...could you show me…’ my voice trembles with emotion as I speak. He rises one eyebrow, but patiently listens to my stammering.  
‘How… how you would... kiss me, if I… If I were your… wife?’ the Commander inhales sharply, licking his lips hungrily as he closes his eyes. His hold on me tightens yet again and when he opens his eyes, burning passion and love washes over me, so intense and all consuming that it takes my breath away.

‘As you wish…’ he growls and surges forward, claiming my lips in a possessive kiss. My gasp is swallowed by his greedy mouth and I wrap my arms around his neck, not willing to let go. Yes, yes, yes! This is what I want. I don’t want him to leave me. Ever again. I return the kiss and bite down on his bottom lip, my sharp teeth nicking the tender skin. He stiffens in surprise but I don't care, as he groans low and guttural, then answers with passion and heat. Pressing back against the door, grinding himself against me. A faint pain blooms at the back of my head, but I ignore if. As I whimper in pleasure he uses my parted lips to slip his tongue inside, deepen the kiss and making me dizzy with want. His hands slide down and grab my thighs, urging my legs up. I get the hint and wrap my legs around his hips, moaning in surprise as his thick cock presses directly against my sex. He is so big…

 

My skirt has rucked up and a lance of desire shoots through me, the pressure against my clit sweet sweet pain. Not like with Solas, where it had been just uncomfortable and hurt. The Commander dominates the kiss just like he dominates my body and heart, biting sucking and licking along my lips, before delving with his tongue back in my mouth.   
Sharp pointed fingernails scratch over his scalp and he groans in pleasure, answering my move with a sharp thrust of his hips. The door rattles behind us but I both don't care, so captivated in the moment and lust. Let them hear what he does to me. What this shem- no, what Cullen does to me.

Another deep growl resonates through his chest and the Commander pushes away from the door with me in his arms, carrying me over to the war table. Markers clatter to the ground as he swipes them aside, then lowers me on the wooden surface. Hair like a small halo around my head I gasp as he crawls over me, nudging my thighs apart and settling between them. The heat I feel makes me burn like a fire, and I pull him down on me. I want to feel his weight upon me, crushing and choking me with his passion and lust.  
The Commander wears full armor and it digs uncomfortably into my hips, but I pay it no mind. He releases my lips and sucks on my earlobe, his other hand sliding between my legs, brushing over my still sensitive clit. I throw my head back in pleasure, knocking against the wood and quenching the bruise from earlier. My moans of pleasure are cut off at once.   
‘Ouch!’ I hiss and grimace in pain. The Commander pulls away in alarm at once, eyes more black then gold but focused on me.

 

Tears have gathered in the corners of my eyes and I squeeze them shut, pressing my flat palm against the spot that hurts. It feels sticky and damp, a pulsing pain that makes me nauseous once more. Like earlier, in Solas study.  
The Commander growls and slides down from the table, pulling me in a sitting position as well and leaning over me. As he does so he looks past me on the table, then hisses sharply.   
‘Hold still. Don't move’ he orders sternly and I grit my teeth and nod, the pain sharp and stinging. He pulls one glove off with his hand, then pulls my hand away from the spot where the pain is the strongest. He guides my hand down to my lap and I freeze in shock as I see the smears of red, covering my palm. The Commander shifts and pulls a clean tissue out of his pocket, pressing it against the back of my head.   
‘I am bleeding’ I say in a confused voice and the Commander growls angrily, keeping the pressure on the wound steady. My head is spinning and the now noticeable scent of copper isn't helping. Still, I try to search for an explanation. There is no marker left where I am sitting, and the Commander had been careful. I know it. He wouldn´t hurt me. He had sworn it.

Then I remember.   
‘Solas’ I croak in realization and the Commander stops his muttering curses, instead looks down at me with a worried gaze.   
‘What of him?’ He asks, and I can hear the jealousy now clear as day, warping his voice in a feral growl.

‘I… he pushed me against the wall…' Reality crashed down on my while I speak. No. I can´t. I need to stay faithful.  

'My vhenan. We can´t-’ The Commander interrupts me with an angry snarl. Teeth bared he pulls me flush against him once. The heat and scent of him envelopes me, and my eyelids flutter, Oh creators. I am bleeding and still turned on.   
‘Don´t speak of that hobo elf like this while we are alone, Ellana.’ he growls and I gasp, my eyes widen. I only wanted to-  
‘He does not deserve your attention, nor your affection’ The Commander growls next while he adjusts my position so I am sitting sideways on the table. Slipping one arm under my knees he uses his other arm to balance my upper body, then lifts me up in his arms. I squeak again in surprise but the Commander shushes me, shifting a little and keeping the tissue on the wound with his bicep. My heart is beating wildly in my chest as he looks down at me.

 

‘The only name that will fall from your lips when we are alone is mine, Ellana. Say it’ Heat sparks in my belly at his possessive words and I hold his burning gaze, pink lips parted and trembling. Despite the fact that I am bleeding, the tension rises anew and my stomach clenches in anticipation.  
‘Cullen…’ I whisper breathlessly and the Commander closes his eyes, then groans low and deep. The sound sets a rush of desire down between my legs and I whimper almost inaudibly, my eyes squeezed shut as well. His hot breath fawns over my lips and I blink rapidly, one hand taking hold on the buckle of his breastplate. I don't fear any longer that he would drop me. He will keep me safe.   
‘Cullen…’ I try again and he exhales audibly, his hold on me tightening.

‘Be glad that I have to carry you to the healers now, Ellana’ he says in a low growl and strides through the war room, then opens the door with his elbow. He walks through the door frame and along the corridor, carrying me with ease and in a style that reminds me of the one shem wedding I had to attend a few weeks ago. The groom had carried his bride just like that and my cheeks turn a bright pink as I realize what picture we will give the people gathered in the hall. The Commander´s… no. Cullen´s deep voice pulls me out of my thoughts, words spoken dark and promising in my ear.   
‘The next time you will say my name like this, Ellana… It will be with you naked in your bed. Or any other surface I can place your sweet ass upon. And I will be very busy with my tongue and fingers.’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
>  Fun fact: I actually have tested the position (Cullen lifting Elana up in the air) with my boyfriend. For science. I wanted to write this right. And while our dear Commander stayed all sexy... My boyfriend blew a raspberry on my belly. Oh my. *rolls eyes and looks jealous to Ellana*


	6. Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I didn't felt well for some time and needed a break.  
> Also my muse was quite bitchy and we fought hard to 'give birth' to this chapter. Saucy bits will return soon!  
> *  
> Newsletter was an idea of medea! Credit goes to her! :)

 

 

I groan and fall backwards, the mattress feathering my weight.

‘Oh Sera! Shut up!’ I whimper, my voice muffled. Hands pressed against my pink cheeks I tilt my head back, the breadroll with sliced tomatoes forgotten in my lap.

‘Never! You haven’t heard the best part!’ my best friend cackles and flips a piece of cheese in my direction. It lands on my bare belly and I drop one hand to get the cube before popping it in my mouth. Paper rustles as Sera picks up the parchment again. Oh Creators, this is so embarrassing!

 

‘... None other than the Commander of our forces carried the beloved but bleeding Inquisitor, under the vigilant glances of her inner circle to the infirmary. The Ambassador flittered beside him as always scribbling notes of greatest importance on her board.’ She read aloud in a storyteller voice, not even in the slightest disturbed as I groan again in humiliation.

‘Seraaaaa!’ I stress the last letter but only am met with more cackling.

‘Shush! Now comes the best part!’ she interrupts me and shrieks with laughter as I pitch forward. My reflexes are still dulled by the concussion so Sera escapes my grip of wrath and bounces over into the middle of the room, holding the offending newsletter up.

‘Dear Skyholders!’ She exclaims in a dramatic voice and flourish while I grumble and take a bite from my tomato-breadroll, watching her with a sullen expression. Parchment lifted up over her head she reads, face split into a wide shit eating grin. Her voices becomes louder.

‘What has happened to our dear leader? An attack? A accident during passionate love making?!’ I choke on my bite and drop the breadroll. What?! Oh for the love of Mythal!

 

‘Could the rumors be true that haunt the walls of Skyhold these days? A passionate love triangle, where the winner is already known from the very beginning?!’ Again I choke and ball one hand into a fist, slapping against my own chest to prevent suffocating on my favorite breakfast. Fuck. Whoever wrote this seems to know me very good. Am I that easy to read? Or is the author only very good at guessing? Fuck!

Sera glances at me for about half a second then decides that I will most likely survive and continues:

‘The lion made his move by ravishing the wildflower on the wartable.’ Wildflower? Ravishing? Okay… there had been ravishing but-

‘How will the old wolf react? What will be his next move to secure his hold on the wildflower?’ I swallow hard at that part and glance to the empty space where normally Solas sits during our breakfasts. What If he heard the new rumors too? Or creators forbid, read that newsletter? Is that the reason why he didn’t showed up? I feel nauseous at the thought and grimace. My shaking hand picks up the mug of cinnamon tea and I drink greedily, staring daggers over the rim at Sera. Drinking with determination from my tea to quench the uneasiness and dread I feel, my thoughts skitter away while Sera continues to read.

 

‘Checking back with the Ambassador our correspondent hit a wall of secrecy. What are the Advisors hiding from us?! And more important… Who do you think will win this competition with the Inquisitor herself as prize? Don’t forget to make your wager! The deadline is in five days, at sun-dawn! Sincerely VILSC!’ My ears perch up at that. For one, because someone had the gall to make bets on my love life with an very accurate timeline. But also… Who the hell is VILSC? One person? Or more? Is it a codename?

I sigh in frustration and rub my forehead, fingertips grazing the bandage there. Wrapped several times around my head, keeping the tiny stitched wound clean and cushioned. I wonder what could have happened if the bruise hadn’t interfered. How far would have Cullen gone? Heat blooms in my belly as I recall his promise… tongue and finger next time. Oh creators…

Suddenly strong but slender fingers curl around my wrists and pull my hands away from the bandage.

 

‘Hey! You heard the healer! No plucking, probing or “testing if it still hurts!”’ Sera said sternly, but I see the worry glint in her eyes. With a sigh, I nod and close my eyes, laying back down on the mattress. She follows the movement gingerly and straddles me, keeping my hands pinned together still. I haven’t noticed her walking back over to the bed. My reflexes truly are for the trash bin right now. What a pitiful display. The Inquisitor, bound to her own bed by a bursted bruise.

Again I sigh and press my lips in a thin line, the weight of my best friend above me comforting and grounding. Well, the damage is done. And with the stupid newsletter pinned up everywhere, my reputation as the stern and cold Inquisitor is crushed anyway. Maybe I should stay in bed and wait till Corypheus comes to Skyhold and kills me.

 

The scent of cocoa becomes stronger and warm breath tickles my face as Sera leans down. Her hold on my wrists leaves and instead I sense two soft thuds and the mattress on either side of my head dips.

‘Elly.’ She says softly and I peek one eye open, looking up into glinting grey-green ones. Her pouty lips pull in a smile which I mirror weakly, and then she bumps her nose affectionate against mine. Blonde strands of hair in different length graze my cheeks and I sigh audible. My hands come to rest on her bare thighs.

‘Penny for your thoughts’ Sera states and her voice is tinged with humor. My smile grows as I close my eyes again and breathe deeply.

‘I hate being the Inquisitor’ My confession is meet with silence but I know that it means that my best friend is really listening. No quips, no jokes, no snarky remarks. Instead, her weight shifts as she leans up further and kisses my forehead. As she leans back I take it as my clue to continue.

‘The chaos in my heart is a further burden. I don’t know what to feel.’ the muscles in my face twist as I pull it in a grimace.

 

‘I know I should love Solas. It is my duty to protect the elven blood. But I cannot help it. Cullen makes me feel safe. Protected. Loved. Desired. In a way that I never have experienced. It is like…’ I hesitate but all that Sera does is humming softly, and lifting one hand up to brush a strand of hair out of my face. Her patience is something that people rarely see if ever. Outside she is the crazy and loud rogue, full of laughter and pranks. But she is a caring soul too. In situations like these, our roles switch. No longer am I the adult in our friendship. She takes this responsibility without to complain, knowing that I sometimes need this. I breathe deeply and count to ten before exhaling and speaking again.

‘Like comparing two sets of bow, quiver and arrow’ This metaphor works for us both and Sera shifts, taking one of my hands in hers, caressing the calloused skin there.

‘Solas is the set I already know. I know how to use it. How to make deadly and most effective shots. A bow that reminds me of my home and heritage. Familiar and comforting.’ My tongue darts out and I lick my lips, smiling a little as Sera absently, soothingly, massages my hand.

‘Cullen is a brand new set. I see it. Want it. Want to know how it feels in my hands. I can only guess how good my shots and aim will be. It is fascinating. Luring. Tempting. Promises me so much. But I won’t know for sure if the promises are true. The material is different, the texture. Nothing is familiar. Nevertheless, I feel the urge to test it. To give it a try. And the voice inside me murmurs… murmurs…’ I falter again. My face scrunches as I draw my eyebrows together, trying to warp my feelings into words.

 

But I can´t. Several minutes pass as I struggle with my inner turmoil. Guilt for cheating on Solas. On wanting Cullen. Shame for still wanting Solas, even though Cullen promises me so much. Everything. A tear escapes my eye and is brushed away immediately by a soft touch of fingertips.

‘Elly’ Sera says again and I open my eyes, vision blurred a little. She smiles softly at me, her head tilted to the side slightly. Her hand releases mine, and she cups my cheek then leans down. A feather-light kiss on my lips makes me smile. As I glance up again, there is determination in her gaze. I raise one eyebrow curiously as she starts to smirk, and tabs one forefinger against her lips, thinking.

‘Let us play a game’ she says after a moment, mischief twinkling in her eyes. But there is also something else that I can’t quite place. Knowledge?

 

‘Okay’ I hear myself answer and Sera shifts again above me, placing one hand on my right breast. Now my other eyebrow raises as well, but I don´t reject her.

‘I will ask questions. And you are only allowed to answer with one word. If you take too long…’ Her smirk widens and I snort suddenly, getting the hint as she circles my hardened nipple through the loose top.

‘You are impossible’ My voice is quivering with suppressed laughter but I nod finally, indicating my consent.

 

Grey-green eyes sparkle with delight and Sera makes a cat-like purr, then lifts her other hand up, showing fore-and middle-finger.

‘Two seconds to answer each question. Ready?’ She inquiries and I nod again, doing my best not to grin.

‘Yes’

‘Okay. First question: What is your name?’ I roll my eyes at that.

‘You know my- OUH!’ I yell in surprise and pain as she pinches my nipple, and not to gentle. Tears prick in my eyes while Sera looks extremely pleased with herself.

‘One word answers, Elly. Keep your speeches for times when you sit in judgement’ I grumble something to myself and rub my abused nipple, then sigh in defeat. I can’t stay angry at her. And I also slowly get the impression that she has a reason to play this kind of game.

Sera straightens again above me and her hand loosely is placed on my breast.

 

‘What is your name?’

‘Ellana!’

An approving nod from Sera follows my answer and I can’t suppress a proud smile. Oh my. How childish we are!

‘Your class?’

‘Rogue!’

‘Weapon of Choice?’

‘Bow!’

‘Favorite sweets?’

‘Peppermint-chocolate!’ Technically these are two words, but Sera somehow seems too excited about her next question to notice. And within seconds I painfully know why.

 

‘Where are we right now?’

‘Skyhol- OUH Sera!’ I whimper but my best friend only tuts.

‘Wrong. The correct answer would have been “bed”’

I squint at her, lips twitching in a mix of annoyance and humor then murmur.

‘Assbisquit’

‘My pleasure’ Sera retorts dryly with a bow, then again her hand finds its place on my breast.

‘What day is it today?’

‘Tuesday!’

‘Color of your hair?’

‘Red!’

 

‘Name of your horse?’

‘Cinnamon!’

‘Who is the Ambassador of the Inquisition?’ I hesitate for a moment on the answer. Lady Montilyet is too long and two words. She also offered me the “you” and and her first name while we waited for the healer and his diagnosis. Sera raises one eyebrow and one finger curls. In hectic I answer:

‘Josephine!’ A approving nod makes me relax.

‘Do you think she has nice tits?’ Oh creators…

‘Yes!’

‘Your favorite tea flavor?’

‘Cinnamon!’

 

‘Do you think Scout Harding is interested in me?’ I raise my eyebrow at that but grin. Well, this explains all the flirting at-

‘OUH! Sera God dammit!’

‘You took too long. I only abide to the rules’ Sera said with a smug grin and I roll my eyes.

‘Yes!’

‘Yes what?’

‘Yes, Lace is interested in you’

‘Lace? Her name is Lace?’

‘Yes!’

‘Ohh… this is good! The name says it all. Sweet dwarven lady in lacy underwear…’ A dreamy smile appears on Sera`s face and I smirk knowingly, then tuck a strand of hair behind my pointed ear.

 

Her eyes clear at my movement and she blushes. Clearing her throat she continues.

‘Who is the best Mage in our team?’

‘Ma- Vivienne!’ I correct myself hastily and Sera shows mercy, nodding graciously.

‘First name of the scary Tevinter mage?’

‘...Dorian?’ My answer is a little unsure. Creators, I really should know my inner circle better. But Solas has prevented that… My face twists in annoyance. I need to change that. After all, Cullen insisted that they aren’t interested in betraying me. Josephine confirmed this. And I am pretty sure that the peppermint chocolate on my nightstand as I returned is her doing.

‘Your eye color?

‘Turquoise!’

‘Family name?’  
‘Lavellan!’

‘Favorite animal?

‘Ladybug!’

 

‘Favorite scent?’

‘Cinnamon!’

‘Weapon of Iron Bull?’

‘Great axe!’ The answers are coming fluidly now and I relax further, content with this little pinpoint of question-answer-game. Sera seems pleased too.

‘Cassandra´s specialization?’  
‘Seeker!’

‘My favorite sweets?’

‘Cookies!’

 

‘Who do you love?’

‘Cullen!’ As soon as the name leaves my lips I clamp both hands over my mouth in shock, while Sera thrusts one balled hand in the air. Triumph glints in her eyes as she shouts:

‘Ha! I knew it!’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
>  VILSC? Very interesting indeed....


	7. Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sera and Ellana talking.  
>  **Faint** mention of homophobia.

 

 

 

Wide eyed I stare up at the ceiling. My heart beats rapidly, the thoughts in my head a chaotic uproar. I feel tricked into confession. I love Cullen. How is that even possible? I love Solas! Love can’t grow within hours or days.

‘S... Sera...’ I croak weakly and instantly one arm slides under my shoulder blades, the other curls around my waist. With ease she pulls me close, her head nuzzling against my shoulder.

‘Shh... Breathe...’ Sera instructs and my lips twitch as I remember how Cullen said something similar yesterday. As I started to hyperventilate.

 

My breathing is streaked by whimpers and hiccups. I blink rapidly and then turn on my side, face buried in the crook of my best friend’s neck. Her hand slides up and down my back in soothing circles and she hums again. A soft dalish lullaby I taught her after the events of Adamant when she was too afraid to sleep. Just like it worked on her back then I calm down slowly. Heart no longer thundering in my chest I feel the pressure in my head lessen, panting turning into deeper in- and exhales. My eyes flutter close and I relish in the feel of salvation she provides. It is similar to the way how Cullen made me feel. Of course, Sera is not in the slightest as broad and muscled as the Commander.

 

‘I’m sorry for tricking you like this.’ her voice is soft and a whisper. Pouty lips brush against my pointed ear and she sighs too, squeezing me affectionately.

All I can do is nod preoccupied with the thoughts that still skitter around in my head. Yes, she tricked me. But I am not angry. it certainly was the quickest way to get the answer I searched for desperately.

I love Cullen. The Commander. My tactical advisor. Although... love is such a strong word. I used it rarely in the past. With Solas... I can count on one hand the times I said these words to him. Ar lath ma. I love you.

 

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Sera interrupts me after a few minutes of silent contemplating and I open my eyes again.

‘But I love Solas...’ My voice sounds so weak and defeated. In this moment I am not the Inquisitor. I am Ellana, the twenty-four year old girl who loved to run through the forest. Not caring for tomorrow or next week. All that mattered was today. I went hunting when the keeper told me to, defended our clan when it was needed. Love was a foreign concept for me, but I slowly begin to see the difference. Sera remains silent next to me, her eyes resting on my contemplating form.

 

My gaze flickers to the left and right absently as I sort through my thoughts. Love in the tales of hahren Aneirin was described as powerful. A force that can drive but also destroy you. Loving someone means to feel at home. This is what I feel when I am with Solas. Familiarity. Because we are both elves? He always told me that this is our strongest connection. Me, a member of an old dalish clan... And him. The lonesome wanderer of the fade. Not for the first time I realize how much he knows about me… and how little I know in turn about him. When we met for the first time, Solas reminded me of hahren Aneirin. Just another elf who came to Haven. To assist the Inquisition. I didn’t spared him a second glance, my mind and fantasy enthralled by Commander Cullen.

Yes. The Commander had fascinated me since the very beginning. An enigma, radiating strength, confidence and leadership. This is what drew me to him. I was floundering, afraid and overwhelmed of my new role. His patience had grounded me. Opinions and advice's he gave, always straight and valued highly by me. It never mattered to him what my background was. Something I admired in all the whispered “knife ear” insults around me. And then that one time when I returned from a mission in the Hinterlands. One of the scouts openly called me a rabbit, obviously not recognizing me as the Herald.

 

I still can feel the breeze that tousled my hair as the Commander appeared out of nowhere. Golden eyes dark and hard, he pinned the poor scout against the wooden wall to my right. I was speechless and so distracted by the Commander´s powerful presence. I never knew what he said to the scout that day. So enthralled by the sheer fact that he had defended me. Even though I could have handled this situation on my own. But that is how he is. A Protector.  

‘Commander Dad’, Mr. Tethras called him once during a banter with Lady Penthagast.

 

My lips twitch in a smile as I remember his words and I sigh softly.

‘Oh Sera... What should I do?’ My words are whispered as I glance up at my best friend, who tucked absently on the bindings of my breastband.

‘Well. How about we go to the tavern and place our bet?’ was the immediate answer of Sera and she leaned over me. Calloused knuckles brush my cheek while I make an exasperated sound.

Before I can reprimand her properly, she speaks up further. Gone is the momentary gleam of amusement and mischief in her eyes.

 

‘Okay, let’s be serious, Ellana.’ Without my notice I bite my bottom lip as she says my given name, treacherous body reminding me with a spark of heat how Cullen started to say it with a low growl. With desire and lust. Sera raises one eyebrow at my behavior and smirks knowingly, then continues.

‘You want the truth? Well - you know I don’t like the egg. I never did. He is too elfy, and keeps you away from people who could be your friends - If you only let them!’ Her last sentence is spoken with a vehemence that surprises me. But then I break our eye contact, look away in growing shame.

 

She is right, even though it is difficult to admit my own failure. If it would have been someone else - I had reprimanded him or her. But not Sera. As if to cement her statement, she adds:

‘Everyone was worried about you. And not out of fear alone. You should have seen their faces as the Commander carried you through the hall. And the announcement wasn’t exaggerating one bit. I never have seen Josephine fussing so much over someone. This wasn’t concern out of duty. They like you!’

 

She says insistent, taking one of my hands in hers. Holding tightly, squeezing and pulling it up to her heart. The back of my hand touches her chest, warmth that radiates from her palpable through the tattered linen tunic she insisted to wear at all times. Even though I offered to get her something better. Her words resonate in my head, my heart. She is right, again. The way Josephine swished around us, tucking and plucking on the sheets and pillows as Cullen settled me down on the healer’s cot. And the peppermint chocolate, placed on the nightstand on my bed now.

I sigh deeply and place one arm over my eyes, try to hide in a childish way.

‘Maybe... But only Solas and you are always there for me... He helped me whenever I felt alone. I love him and he loves me...’ She scoffs at my attempt to defend him.

‘You don’t, Ellana. Stop lying to yourself!’ Her words are filled with annoyance and I am taken aback by the vehemence with which she exclaimed these words.

 

The sheets rustle as Sera slides along the mattress in a furious haze. Curiously I watch how she hops down from the large bed. For a moment she leaves my field of vision and I sit up slowly. Her eyes are fixed on the red roses Solas had brought two days ago. Still standing in the crystalline vase on my nightstand. The petals start to wield already, my chosen place for them not ideal. I recall dimly how he advised me to place them on the table close to the balcony. Because flowers needed sunlight.

The fact that I acted against his advice let’s mixed feelings bubble up in me. Guilt for letting them wield. But also rebellion for acting on my own. Not how he would be pleased. Sera seems to have similar thoughts because she pulls the roses out of the vase without care. Keeping them together at the wet and dripping stems she walks over to the large fireplace. My eyes widen as I finally realize what she is going to do.

 

‘Sera, Wait! I-’

Before I can climb out of bed and stop her, the first two roses are thrown into the fire. Flames hiss and flicker as they envelop the flowers, destroying them within seconds. Open mouthed I stop in my motions, staring.

‘You were alone because he cut you off from the rest of us! Because of him you were alone! This is not love, this is making you dependent on him. Physically and mentally!’ Sera said in an angry tone, the stems in her hand squeezed together tightly.

‘Come on! Tell me what other things he did that make you believe that he deserves your love!”’ her words are challenging me and I swallow hard. Partially off the bed I sway a little, before dropping back on the mattress. Her words have hit me like a blast, summarizing perfectly what I thought already so often in the past. In defeat I fold my hands, placing them in my lap.

 

‘He... he knows me like no one else...’ I try unsure and almost flinch at the gleam in green-grey eyes.

‘Oh? Does he now? Then why does he send you red roses? Your favorite ones are daisies!’ Another rose gets thrown into the fire. I blink rapidly while the flames engulf the flower, turning it into ash within seconds.

‘Go on! I’m waiting!’ she taunts as I stay silent, staring mesmerized into the hungry flames. My bottom lips pinches as I gnaw on it nervously, overwhelmed of the whole situation. Sera’s gaze is unwavering as she leans against the stone, the remaining three flowers dangling from her hand.

 

‘He is like a mentor to me... teaches me the knowledge of old...’ My voice is unsteady and she narrows her eyes.

‘Oh I see. Having a role-play kink? The naughty pupil and her prude teacher? Come on Ellana, Do better!’ Another rose falls victim to the flames.

I lick my lips nervously and my gaze flickers around in a desperate attempt to find an argument that would convince her.

 

‘Solas... We... He...‘ I start slowly, kneading my hands in an attempt to ground myself. Heart pounding I lift a pleading glance up at my best friend, but she just pursues her lips.  

‘... He is an elf like me. We need to preserve our blood...’

Sera snorts at that and throws the fore-last rose into the fire.

‘Oh yes. The precious elven blood. Does that count for elves like me as well?! Shall I spread my legs for an elven man too, just because my blood demands it? Even though I wouldn’t feel good? Is this what our precious elven blood dictates? Rape for the sake of purity?!’

Her eyes blaze while she speaks and I recoil as if slapped at her words.

‘N... no! Of course not, Sera!’ I stammer and her eyes soften a little, turning sad.

‘Then why do you demand it for yourself? Because you are the Inquisitor? You are the holy figure of another religion than the one you belong too already. Do you really think your gods would care if you go one better and love a human?!’

 

I am left speechless once more. The way she twists Solas’ words, warping them, changing their sense. His opinion, although critical on my beliefs, always made sense. But Sera’s version, completely different… makes sense too. Could I dare to hope? The gods haven’t struck me down yet for playing the Herald of Andraste. And to be honest... I am interested in learning more about the Chant of Light. But I kept this interest hidden, knowing how much Solas would disapprove.

 

‘Do you... really think they would allow this...?’ I whisper uncertain and look down at my hands. Fingers are reddened, puckering from all the kneading. Footsteps draw nearer and then bare feet with bright pink toe nails appear in my field of vision. With a sigh Sera drops to her knees, letting the last rose fall to the ground carelessly.

‘Look... Ellana...’ she begins and stops me from irritating my skin further by placing her hand over mine.

‘I don’t believe in your gods. And I never will. No matter how much the egg tries to convert me...’ My lips twitch at the quip. I remember clearly how agitated Solas got every time when she mocked him and his attempts to speak elven with her.

‘... But I believe in a god that wants his people to be happy. No matter who they chose to love or desire. Love is a wonderful thing, and passion is the cream topping. You may have found someone who can give you both. Don’t let it escape your grasp, only because you think you don’t deserve it and he is not elven.’

 

I close my eyes at her words and nod slowly, sigh as she interlaces our hands. My head is bowed as I progress her words. For a while neither of us speaks and her thumb brushes over my knuckles tenderly.

‘If only the people could hear how much sense you make when you only try too, Sera... I could hire you as my fourth advisor’ My words are meant as a joke, but we both know the truth that swings into them.

For a while neither of us speaks and her thumb brushes over my knuckles tenderly.

‘I can’t tell you how to decide in the end...’ her voice becomes softer as she finally speaks and I nod slowly.

‘The only thing I know is that you throw away the possibility of great friendships and maybe true love if you continue to push everyone away. Precious elven blood isn’t everything’ At this she pokes me in the side, and I snicker unbidden. Just with this simple gesture, the tension starts to break. A small smile appears on my lips and I lift my head, looking into grey-green eyes.

They twinkle again with mischief and a second later I know why.

 

‘Also, Imagine the children you could have! Golden curls with your eye color is muuuuuuuch better than bald and looking like a mini egg!’

  


 

* * *

 

 

Gingerly I brush my hair, looking into the mirror in front of me. Sitting on my vanity, the used bandages in a pile next to me. The healer came in the afternoon and confirmed after unwrapping the bandages that the wound has healed rather nicely and quick. I did my best to stay friendly, noticing in an instant how tense he was. It was strange to see this behavior after he had been so at ease yesterday in the presence of Josephine and Cullen.

I smiled and thanked him warmly as he handed me a salve of elfroot, before gathering his equipment to leave. It was clear as day how surprised he was of my changed behavior and the small but grateful smile he gave me warmed my heart.

 

Using a leather band to secure the ponytail, I afterwards tugged on a few strands of hair till they framed my face in their usual manner. Leaning forward I picked up a small pot and brush, then started to paint my lips in a ruby red. It contrasted with the complexion of my skin and the white vallaslin, also accented the color of my eyes. When I was done I checked my appearance a last time in the mirror, then rose.

It was still light outside, maybe five o’clock in the evening. Dinner would be served in two hours, giving me enough time to fulfill my plan. On my way to the door I pulled on my black leather boots and tuck the hem of my leggings into them. Skintight leather, accenting every curve of my lower body. The tunic I chose to wear is made of a more loose material, silk. It frames my figure, allows me to move without constriction. With a swinging gait I cross the room, then stop all of sudden. My eyes fall to the remaining rose, laying on the dark green carpet on the floor. Tongue darting out I pick the flower up, regarding it closely. A rose. Not a daisy.

Sera is right. Solas didn’t knew me at all. He does not deserve me. And I am free to choose whoever I want as my partner. The room is crossed in three long strides and I throw the rose into the fire. I watch the flower turn to ash and feel as if a weight is lifted from my chest. A devious smirk grows on my painted lips as I turn away from the fireplace.

 

It’s time to thank the Commander for his aid yesterday. And to find out how far I can drive him into madness till he snaps. I don’t want to wait five days.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
>  Yes. I am a sucker for these egg-puns.


	8. Shock (Interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little interlude. Because I am a Devil in disguise. And want to hear you scream.

 

 

To my great frustration, Cullen was not in the training yard as I suspected. He also wasn’t in the armory or the cells of the dungeon to question the prisoners. Barris, his second in command also wasn’t sure where he could be, but then pointed me after a few seconds of contemplating to his office. He thought he recalled Cullen being requested there for a report.

And so I trudged through Skyhold, following the paths and stairs that lead to his tower. I was annoyed and ready to give him a piece of mind. How dare he to let me walk around the whole fortress? My careful styled hair was ruffled through the strong breeze that blew through the dungeons. The silk of my blouse clung to my back, fine pearls of sweat starting to transpire there. And from all the gnawing on my bottom lip I was sure that the seductive effect of my red painted lips was ruined as well.

 

With force I banged open his door, inhaling deeply to give him the preach of his life. But the words die in my throat. His office is empty save for one of the messengers who runs errands between me and my advisors. I can't recall her name and she seems just as surprised to see me. Her eyes dart to me and away, while she tugs at the buttons of her tunic, mumbling something about an urgent request which needed to be reviewed by the Commander. I am just about to pity her out of sympathy, but then I notice her still apparent state of undress.

The linen tunic is partially unbuttoned, showing the curve of her breasts and a rather impressive cleavage. Her trousers are loose at the front, but otherwise clinging to every curve of her womanly body. She is tall like all female humans, the length of her legs underlined by boots with heels. Her hair is slightly tousled and her face painted similar to mine - although it is clear as day that she doesn't has any skill in this matter. Stupid girl. You either accent your eyes OR your lips. Never both. It makes her look like a strange version of a doll, and not in the slightest bit appealing.

My smile shatters as I realize why exactly she is dressed up like that. And what the tousled state of her hair implies.

  
All air leaves my lungs. No. NO!

 

 

 


	9. Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well. That escalated quickly. It gets smutty in here.

 

No.

I can’t breathe. My legs feel like jelly as the ground underneath me starts to swim.

 

The female takes a step in my direction, kohl rimmed eyes wide and worried, her lips moving. But I can’t hear a single word that leaves these lips, red lipstick smeared from passionate kisses. Tears gather in my eyes, blurring my vision and her form. My legs are shaking as I step backwards, one hand clutched to my chest, the spot where my heart has stopped to beat.

He betrayed me. He kissed another woman. I haven been so foolish to trust a shem. The right heel of my boot gets snagged in the gap between two stones, making me stumble. My hand flies outward, trying to steady myself somewhere, preventing me from falling. In the same moment the door gets ripped open. Chilly air brushes my nape. Shaking fingers touch something soft. A velvety fabric, sliding against the faint callouses of my fingers. Chest heaving and sinking rapidly I turn my head to the side. A gleaming thing of silver color, wrapped in deep red with golden outlines. I gag and recoil as a large black gloved hand reaches out for me, fingertips just grazing my forearm as I pull back and stumble. It is him.

 

No. Don’t touch me with your evil shem hands. You betrayed me. I should never have trusted you! These thoughts swirl in my head as I blindly dodge another attempted touch of gloved hands. His voice is just faint, full of an emotion I translate as Worry. Concern. Bile rises in my throat. How dare he to worry about me, when he was the one who caused me pain?! I bare my teeth and hiss, high pitched and with a wild look in my glinting eyes.

‘Stay away treacherous shem!’ I don’t wait to see the effect of my venomous words, instead turn around and bolt past him. Out of his office, leaving him and his lady love behind.  
So stupid. I was so stupid. Solas had warned me all the time. How treacherous shemlen are. That they would do everything to corrupt us. Shame rises in me, threatens to drown me as I run blindly along the battlements. My destination is unknown to me. I only know one thing for sure. I need to run. Away from him Find salvation the Commander no longer is worthy to provide me. Twice I stumble and fall hard, gash my right knee and rip open the leather of my trousers there. Pain blooms and blood starts to ooze, but I ignore it. The calls of my title by the people around me are just whispers in the haze. Around a corner, into the shadows. My vision blurs more and more. Along the wall, hiding like a thief, a rat. And right now I deserve this title.

 

I betrayed my kin, my blood, my heritage. Thinking foolishly that a shem would truly love me. Would be serious about his feelings towards me. But of course he wouldn’t. He used my feelings, my weakness. Shemlen are treacherous. One moment not paying attention, and they plunge their dagger deep into your heart. Yes, this is how it feels. The pain in my chest is like a knife. Twisting steadily, reminding me of my foolishness.  
Around another corner, my feet carry me at high speed. Down a wall, the free fall out of 8 feet making me wince as the muscles and sinews in my legs protest. I fall forwards on my knees but keep going, crawling hurriedly. No sound leaves my lips, although it costs all my willpower not to sob openly. I can’t be seen this weak. They aren’t allowed to see me cry. I am the Inquisitor. I am not weak. Dim atmosphere greets me as I reach my destination, the smell of horse and straw soothing me the tiniest bit. The shemlen horsemaster isn’t there and I crawl unseen by the stableboys to the last box at the end of the stables. Just there I rise to my feet again, using the gate as support. My fingers tremble as I open the box and slip inside, locking it behind myself again.

 

The soft nickering of Cinnamon greets me, and I feel the horse’s hot breath graze my tear stained cheek. I start to sniffle and crawl further into the box and through the unlocked gate into the adjacent one where two bales of straw are piled up. Hiding behind them I sigh, then shuffle into a comfortable position. My back connects with the wooden wall. Exhausted and shaking I sink down to the ground, pull my knees close to my chest. Arms wrapped around them I bury my head in the sleeves of my blouse, crying silently. Tears of anger. Of pain. Of betrayal. My heart thumbs painfully in my chest, almost drowning the soft thud of hooves as Cinnamon steps closer. His warm muzzle brushes over my head, tousling the strands of hair.  
  
I take deep shuddering breaths while collecting myself, wiping away tears and snot from my face with one sleeve. Lips pressed in a thin line I tip my head back and continue to breathe deeply. The right side of my upper body hurts, a sign of how wrong I breathed as I ran away. Like a child. My nose crinkles at the thought, at the display of utter embarrassment I showed just a few minutes ago. The sadness and despair fades away, replaced by simmering anger. At myself. And my reckless behavior. Why hadn’t I let him explain? I am an adult, creators! Adults don’t run away. And even if it is like it appeared to be. It’is Cullen’s right to see others too. He never promised to be faithful. One week to decide what I want. These were his words. No promise to stay away from other women. My brows furrow as I start to think more clearly.

 

Maybe there was a hidden message? Like… One week to decide what I want… and to prove that I am worthy of being his alone? After all the Commander is an desired bachelor in Skyhold. In whole of Thedas. I can still recall how the nobles in Halamshiral basically clung to him. Men and women alike. Offered him gold, treasures and their hand in marriage.

And if these rumors about his talents in the bedroom are true… why would he commit himself to a virgin?

A dalish with an alcohol problem?

Me?

 

I bare my teeth at the thought, then snort as Cinnamon mirrors this look.  
‘Yes, yes. I get it.’ my words are mumbled but it feels lighter to breathe now. One hand stretches out and I slide it over the horse’s forehead, tracing the white blaze there. My thoughts drift away while Cinnamon pushes against my hand, eager for more caresses.

Yes. Cullen never promised me to be faithful. And he certainly knows that I still see Solas too. After all he saw the roses as he escorted me back to my quarters yesterday. I know he noticed them, even though he kissed me passionate and thoroughly.  
Sera’s advice rings in my ears.  
‘Don’t let love and passion escape your grasp, only because you think you are not worthy…’ I murmur softly and stretch my legs out in the straw.

 

These women who draw his attention. They are a challenge. Nothing more. They may have long legs, but therefore I am more capable of fighting. My skills in applying makeup and dressing are better than theirs. I am the Herald of Andraste. The Inquisitor. Everyone bows before me. And no one turns me away. Replaces me.

A slow deep breath leaves my chest and I lick my lips, then glance up at my trusted horse.  
‘I will get him, Cinnamon. And make him moan my name. Scream and groan it through the walls of this stronghold. And if I must, till he is hoarse and begs for mercy!’  
My eyes gleam and to my delight Cinnamon nickers, as if approving of my plan. I smile and caress the soft muzzle, then lean my head against the wall again.

 

Inhaling deeply I fill my lungs with air, then hold my breath for ten seconds. An exercise taught by my keeper to ground myself. When I released the breath slowly through parted lips my heart slowed down and I focused on what I needed to do.  
In a fluid movement I rose from the ground and brushed away straw and dirt from my clothes. Redoing my ponytail afterwards and checking my reflection in the water bucket to my left.  
Cinnamon nickered next to me, then pushed me gently towards the gate. I smirked at her and patted her neck, before opening the gate once more. My head held high I walked confidently through the stables, seeing but ignoring the lingering glances of the stable boys.

My eyes were still red, I felt their itch and dryness. But for me, it now was a testament how I had risen once again from the ground. No one stops me. And my goal is clear. The Commander of the Inquisition forces… is mine.

 

This thought boosts my confidence even more and I put a little sway in my hips as I left the stables and walk out in the afternoon once more. Glances greet me and a strange feeling settles around my heart at the worry displayed in several faces. They care about me… not just because of loyalty. Just like Cullen said. A small smile grows on my lips and my steps become lighter. The sun had disappeared behind the mountains, telling me that dinner would be served soon. But my hunger was not for food. 

As I climb up the stairs to the Tower of Commander Cullen, I straighten my clothing and make sure that the bindings of my tunic are loose enough to show the upper side of my breasts. I feel beautiful, like a desire demon. And my target, prey, is behind these doors. Unaware of what is about to happen.

I take another deep breath to steady myself. Should he be still there with that scout bitch, then I- No. I don’t want to end this thought. Shaking my head I decide against a formal knock on the door. Instead I kick the door open in best dalish-savage manner, and stride inside.

 

  
Commander Cullen sat at his desk, deep in thought and writing on a report. But his head snaps up in alarm as the door bangs against the stone wall. Wrinkles have formed on his forehead, and his golden hair is slightly disheveled. And he is alone. All these things i notice just absently as our eyes lock and he slowly pushes himself up from the chair.  
‘Inquisitor’ he says formally and my eyes twitch, otherwise I remain silent. Heavy footsteps echo through the room as he rounds the desk, a movement which reminds me of the day he gave the ultimatum. The door falls shut behind me and I stop in the middle of the room.

‘Ellana…’ he now says, voice heavy and dipped lower in timbre. Damn him and his magical voice. Heat blooms in my lower belly and I bit my bottom lip. His stare is intense and enthralling, the golden color of his eyes like liquid fire. The Commander drew closer. My heart pumps at a fast pace, sharp eyes observing every movement he makes. His movements are careful, measured. Prowling. Right now, we are both predators. Sizing us up. Looking for a weak spot.  
One step closer, the sound echoing in the otherwise silent room. I hold my breath, the muscles in my legs flexing as I brace myself.  
Another step and he raises one hand, gloved fingertips barely touching my skin. The breeze from one of the open windows carries his scent towards me. Heavy patchouli perfume, masculinity. Passion. Dominance. But there gleams something in his eyes. Sadness? Hope? It does not matter. Tonight, I will conquer him. He is mine.

As he breaks the silence once again, it is my signal to attack.  
‘What you witnessed earlier…’ Commander Cullen starts in his deep baritone voice and I sneer, then surge forward and up in one fluid motion. Crashing our lips together, silencing him. I don’t want to hear what he did to that scout. Or to the other women he bedded. Jealousy surfaces once again and my arms wind around his neck, while I use my weight to pull him down, towards me. He staggers backwards with a surprised gasp and I use this to my advantage. Sliding my tongue in his mouth, feeling him go completely still. Utter shock. My kiss is full of hunger and need, and for two heartbeats he stays completely frozen.

But then a low and feral growl resonates through his chest and in the next moment his strong muscled arms have wrapped around me. Crushing me to him, lifting me up while he returns the kiss with fervor. He gains the upper hand, but as my pointed fingernails scratch the sensitive skin at his nape, he shudders and loses focus. As his calves collide with the wood of his desk, I break the kiss for an hissed command.  
‘Get on the desk!’

 

To my delight he complies, sitting with me in his arms on the desk so I can straddle him, although the growl that answers me is dangerous and sinister. I take delight in the knowledge that he did what I ordered him. It makes me feel powerful. The victory of my conquer however, is short lived.

Large hands slide in my hair and then yank forcefully, baring my throat to his hungry eyes. I gasp in a mix of pleasure and pain as our brutal kiss ends, then it turns into a wail as he buries his teeth deep into the juncture of my neck. I choke at the intense pain while the Commander grabs with his other hand my ass and presses me down on his hardening cock. My body is frozen, like a kitten held at the nape of its neck. I can feel his whole length through the leather of his trousers and whimper, my back arched while his teeth abuse my skin. He growls deeply and finally pulls away for a heartbeat, to study the bite wound he made. I howl and writhe in his lap, but he refuses to let me go. Another sharp yank on my ponytail, and then his voice is close to my pointed ear. Hot breath makes me shudder, his voice a throaty growl when he whispers.

  
‘Rule One: The only one who gives orders when we are alone is me. Your Master’ The words resonate in my heart, triggering a passion so intense that I lose any ability to speak.   
The bite wound throbs when I nod frantically instead, shuddering as he leans forward with a satisfied hum and flicks with his tongue over the abused skin. Sparks of pleasure pour down my spine and I crane my neck, to give him better access.

Lips parted I am panting hard, the energy I need to move my hands down between our bodies immense. My whole body sings with lust and I want more. I want him. As my fingers graze his clothed hard cock he curls his hand on my scalp, thrusting upward involuntarily. Power surges through me anew and I tear impatiently at the laces of his trousers, trying to free his cock. The hand on my ass leaves and he tries to push my hands away, but I don’t obey. I want to feel his cock. Want to know if it is velvet steel like one of the kitchen maids whispered in awe. Pressing me harder against him he cages my hands, then pulls away from my neck. Full lips glisten with saliva and his pupils are dilated, a moan escaping me at the lust in his dark golden eyes.

 

‘You drive me crazy, Ellana...’ he growls and then the world tilts all at once. With an oof I land on my back on his desk, blinking rapidly and breathing hard. My eyesight is fogged by desire and I move willingly as he turns me around on his desk, till my head faces the door to the rotunda. Before I am able to recover and question his actions, I feel his large hands, hooking in the waistband of my leggings.

'I want to see!' Commander Cullen growls feral and yanks them down all the way, along with my boots. I shiver at the chilly breeze that hits my overheated naked lower body, but then the hands return. Bare this time and calloused from years wielding a sword. Leather brushes against my knees as the Commander positions himself, then pushes my legs apart. He hisses as he sees me bared for the first time, the thin fuzz of hair that covers my mound.

'Fucking beautiful' he growls and trails his fingers along my slit, mesmerized by the way my sex twitches at his touch. the calloused tip of his thumb finds my clit and he groans as I buck up at once, whimpering wantonly.

'And so responsive... Maker Ellana...' he husks while my name falls from his lips lips like a prayer and our eyes lock again. Hunger, desire and longing is mirrored in them.

'Cullen... please' I say in a croaked voice and try to sit up. He meets me halfway, crashing our lips together in another passionate kiss where he gains the upper hand quickly. His tongue explores my mouth and just barely I am aware how his hands slide under my thighs, then yank me closer to the edge of the desk. His chestplate digs into my hip bones but I don’t care, hooking my legs around his hips.

 

‘Eager aren’t we?’ The Commander comments with a throaty laugh as he releases my lips and rolls his hips in a hard and powerful thrust. The clothed thickness of his cock presses against my clit and I arch my back in surprise as another flame of heat shoots through me. My cry gets swallowed by his lips and he slides one hand down my belly, calloused fingers leaving a trail of fire.  
As the pad of his middle finger finds my clit now I arch upwards with a loud moan and he hisses in lust at the state of arousal that coats my most intimate place.

’You’re so wet… damn you… I could fuck you so easily now… You would be so ready’ He growls and then his trembling hand leaves my clit, instead undoing the laces of his trousers. Hands curling at the edges of his desk I squeeze my eyes shut, every brush of his knuckles against my folds like passionate fire.  
‘Yes! yes take me, Oh creators, please!’ I beg mindlessly in a breathy tone and Cullen groans low at that, bending over me again. As I finally feel the steely length of his cock, sliding between my folds up and down I nearly cry with anticipation.

He buries his face in the crook of neck again, sucking and laving at the tender wound he created earlier. I jolt upwards, my clit bumping hard against the crown of his cock. His right hand holds the crown of his cock in a tight fist, obviously to prevent himself and me to simply give into what we both crave. To penetrate me and be inside me as deep as I can take him. Nonetheless he tenses at the movement I make and shudders. His full lips move along the skin of my neck, and through the rushing in my ears I realize that he is saying something. I concentrate, and then am able to understand the words. The chant of light. He tries to distract himself.

 

My eyes snap open, staring unseeing at the ceiling. This knowledge that he is about to break… I drives me crazy with want. Now that I know it, I can see the telltale signs in his face and body. His jaw clenches, muscled body taut and trembling. He swallows hard and audibly between whispered words. My eyelids flutter close again and then I curl one hand in his golden soft hair, having an idea of how I can make him snap..  
’Take me, Cullen… Make me yours. I am better than that scout-bitch you kissed and fucked today in your office.’

 

 

 


	10. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I activated the moderation option on comments, because certain Users forgot how to behave in the world wide web. I won't accept insults against my readers, especially not hurting gross ones. If you have a problem with this story - you know how to contact me. But leave my readers out of this!  
> This fandom is big enough for everyone. And I think it became clear that this is not a "sweet Solavellan" fanfic. I haven't decided yet how this story will end - but please note that I am not a fan of Solas. And every threat against me and my story from a Solas-fan is a bad reflection on this character. I won't change my mind just because you throw a tantrum.
> 
> Thank you for your attention.
> 
> ***
> 
> I wonder if people are interested in seeing the changes of Ellana' behavior, regarding her relationship to the members of the inner circle?  
> I have a few Ideas for that. Well.
> 
> Here have the next chapter. NSFW!

 

 

The Commander inhales sharply, his golden gaze changing from unbridled lust to first disbelief, then something far more sinister. Frustration. Annoyance. Anger. These emotions flicker over his handsome face, before it becomes an unreadable mask. Muscles in his face move as he clenches his jaw, full lips with that tantalizing scar pressed in a thin line. That seductive smile of mine falters and becomes strained. An eternity passes between us, my eyes going wide in fear and angst. Uncertainty sparks in me, thoughts tumbling through my head. Did I misread the situation earlier? Am I doing Cullen injustice? Exposed to his sinister and emotionless gaze, I scramble to remember the details.

The scout had been alone when I barked into the Commander’s office. Her blouse opened the first three buttons and wrinkled, but her trousers laced and neat. Hair tousled as if someone gripped it passionately during a kiss… or took hold on the tresses to force her away. The cheap lipstick was smeared to the right in a stripe, like a thumb who had found purchase here to push an unwanted face to the side. Words leaving her lips, inaudible through the blood rushing in my ears. No hint for me to determine what she had said. But I remember her eyes. The look she gave me. Filled with guilt, shock and panic. Going wide as the door swung open behind me. In fear she backed away then, because someone entered the scene. Commander Cullen. His perfume and unique scent which enveloped me from behind. The heat he radiated, mixed with first worry as his eyes landed on me, then fury as he noticed the scout standing there. ‘How dare you to be here still?! Haven’t I made myself clear enough!?’ My eyelids flutter as I recall his venomous words directed at the scout. Back then I wasn’t able to progress them Their meaning. But now I slowly do. He had called my name afterwards. Voice softer and full of sorrow. But I had been too far gone in what I thought was the truth. For a heartbeat our eyes connected and then I brushed past him, an insult and sneer on my lips. Because I didn’t trust him. Shame rises in me.

 

‘You still don’t understand it!’ Sinister hissed with fury, this statement snaps me out of my trance. I blink baffled, focusing on this enigma of a man in front of me once more. My fingers slide weakly along the collar of his chestplate as Commander Cullen straightens, gaze focused solemnly on me. Trembling hands dropping on my chest I stare up at him, breath held and eyes watering. Former golden eyes now black, the Commander bares his teeth. Like a lion, ready to kill. My throat constricts at this thought, while my flicker nervously over his face. White teeth against swollen dark red lips from our kissing earlier. Feral. Angered.

Unable to move I more hear then see him pulling his trousers up and lacing them. Shame mixes with embarrassment at the realization of the state we were in. What almost had happened, if not for me and my uncalled… jealousy? Is this jealousy I was feeling? Like a beast that claws at my heart from the inside whenever I imagine another woman in Cullen’s arms? Blood rushes in my ears, so loud. One large hand settles back down on my bare thigh, radiating warmth and comfort. Or at least, it would have been a few minutes ago. Right now I wish I could recoil from the Commander’s touch.

My eyes break free from his captivating stare, darting away and to the right side of his office. Grey stone wall, with moss growing between a few bricks. Three large bookshelves, made of dark pine wood. This is a safe view. It helps me to control my breathing. My heartrate. Despite the sheer amount of books, scrolls and letters, the Commander managed to let the shelves appear neat and tidy. Every book had its place, not even a single grain of dust detectable. Controlled and organized. Like everything he did and said. Something I admired him for from the very beginning. So unlike me, my personal quarters a chaotic mess. Like fire and water.

 

The sickly sweet perfume and sweat of the female scout lingers in the air, a reminder of what had happened. My thoughts shift again. How many others appreciated, admired the Commander the way I do? How many others had he bend over his desk as he took what he wanted from them? It is a sturdy one, I know it from a prank with Sera. Back then I found the image which she painted of the Commander rutting into a serving girl like an animal on his desk hilarious. But now… the thought that other women so easily got what was denied to me… the idea makes me sick. Always being denied. Always a ‘No, Inquisitor’. ‘No, ma Vhenan. We can’t’. All because of a role I never wanted.

The silences between us stretches, our breathing the only sound in the room. His breaths are deep and controlled, my less so. And slowly mortification, shame, gives way to righteous anger. Why was Cullen holding back at all? Am I not pretty enough? Or because I am the holy figure of his shem religion?!  
Lies. I am sure of it. Only playing along, toying with my desires and hopes till I am of no longer use. Soon we will go to the winter palace. Josephine already voiced her concerns about my behavior when she thought I wasn’t near. They needed someone who kept me in line. And who was better suited than the man I had a crush on since the very beginning? Just a doll for their religion. To be presented around, stuck in pretty frilly dresses and trained to wear a pleasant smile all day. Anger boils in me.

 

It feels wrong, but again Solas’ words invade my mind. Never trust a shem. They will use us and destroy our world. Tear everything to shreds what we elves hold dear. Like my blossoming love of Commander Cullen. Build on lies to lure me in. Of course he wouldn’t be faithful. Cullen was never mine, he made that clear by devouring that scout bitch earlier. I squeeze my eyes shut, the inner turmoil in me choking me. The wish to be loved for myself, and not for the role and power I presented. A childish wish. No one loves me like this. Not Solas. And not the Commander.

Of course he would pull back yet again, before doing the final step. Maybe a tiny part of his Templar prevented him from taking my purity through lies. But this wasn’t what I was concerned about. Not what I longed, begged – no – ordered him to do three days ago. And he denied me. The Commander denied me, a man of whom I may have called a friend or lover if the circumstances were different. He distracted me with sweet nothings, words of love he surely knew would captivate me. Always flittering around me, trying to gain at least a glimpse of the power I wield. Solas had warned me that this would happen someday. But he wasn’t any better. Dragging me on missions regarding the fade, using my name and title to reach his goals.

 

‘Filthy shem.’ I voice this thought between clenched teeth and my eyes shift back to the Commander’s broad form, looming in front of me. He narrows his gaze and a deep threatening growl resonates through the office.  
My stomach flips at the sound but I steel myself, then push his hand, still damp with my arousal, away from my thigh. Offering no resistance, he leaves me enough room so I can close my legs and smoothen my blouse. The fact that he lets himself insult by me, it’s another proof of what a coward he is. Of how right I am. If Cullen would be only a little like in the stories which cursed through Skyhold… he would never let me get away with it. Tilting my head up arrogantly, I slide from the desk in a fluid motion. The move is less dignified than I want it to, with my leggings and panties still bunched around my ankles. But I make up for it with a sardonic glare over my shoulder.

His features are impassive, drained from every emotion. Just as his eyes, simply pools of utter darkness in his handsome face. He watches me like a predator, but I don’t care any longer. My anger is righteous. I won’t be toyed with. Won’t be used.

 

‘I figured you out, Dog Lord.’ Another insult, which is registered by him. Or not. I can’t tell, because his face remains impassive and calculating. This is dangerous territory, but the lack of acknowledgment provokes me further.  
‘Stop pretending you love me, when all you want is a glimpse of my power. I thought better of you, but clearly I was mistaken’ I scoff and turn away to pull up my leggings.

The moment my eyes left his, the Commander pounces. No time for me to register, to react. In a matter of heartbeats I am flipped and pressed down on the desk’s surface once more. Face pressed against the dark wood of his desk I am stunned for a few seconds, frozen in place. One large hand splayed out between my shoulder blades, short fingernails grazing the tender skin of my nape he pins me down. The pressure increases as the Commander folds himself over me, hard body kept away from mine. Eyelids fluttering I moan in surprise and shock. A few seconds pass, the chilly wood against my temple strangely grounding.  
After a soft press to the nape of my neck and sure that I understood his message, Cullen releases his hold on my shoulder blades and guides my hands to the small of my back. Securing both my wrists in his large hand, squeezing and showing me who is in control. The other hand wanders down my waist and then Cullen squeezes my right bare ass cheek, slowly and on the border of too much. His hot breath tickles my right ear as he exhales and when he speaks, his voice is just a dangerous whisper.

 

‘You infatuating, distrusting, reckless girl.’ I shudder unintentionally at the deep timbre of his baritone voice. Arousal washes over me like a wave as he finally gives me what I want. His utter dominance. Oh Creators!  
But then the meaning of his words sinks in and I glance up at him from the corner of my eyes, glittering with annoyance. My will of fight returns like a lightning bolt and I buck up, but am hindered after not even two inches as he presses me harder down against the wood. So much stronger than me, I know I have no chance. But despite better judgement, I don’t order him to release me. Faintly I register his hand leaving my ass and I tense up, using my voice to rebel and test.

 

‘How dare you call me that?! I am not a- OUH!’  
A loud stinging slap echoes through the large room, silencing me effectively. Pain blooms on my ass cheek, intensifying as the Commander pulls his flat hand away from the abused skin. Arousal coils in my belly. The attempt of escaping is just for show but I do it anyway.  
‘Shut up.’ He orders and my nostrils flare in a mix of lust and anger. Cullen’s hold is still secure, tightening in warning whenever I move too much. Panting rapidly, I stare up at him, meeting his black gaze that burns into my very soul.  
‘How deep has this hobo elf delved into your thoughts and twisted them? To make you question sincerest declarations of love, offerings of friendship and trust?’ The Commander murmurs close to my ear and again his flat hand connects with my ass, jolting me upwards as I try to speak.

 

‘Be lucky that this doglord here is a patient man with many ways to make you understand.’ he continues and I shudder as he uses my insult, twists it into something lustful and sinister.  
‘I see now that my words obviously just reach your heart, but not your mind’ this sentence is less audible, more spoken to himself then to me. Trembling I shift just the tiniest bit, but remain silent otherwise. My thoughts meanwhile are restless. It is frightening how good Cullen is able to read my mind. Knowing my issues, my desires, my-

With a grunt I bare the next stinging slap, which cuts of my train of thought. Eyelids fluttering, I blink the tears away, but raise my hips slightly. Preparing for another slap. But instead the Commander squeezes my abused ass cheek again, calloused thumb drawing circles in my skin.

‘So let me show you with actions what my words fail to make you realize.’ Cullen continues and I whimper as a short fingernail scrapes over tender reddish skin. It is a delicious burn and I can’t help myself. I want more. Full lips brush over the pointed tip of my ear.  
‘You are familiar with dominance and submission. At least to an extent I wager’ this statement makes my cheeks heat up in embarrassment and I try to shake my head.  
‘Don’t deny it, sweet Ellana. I have seen the books on your desk. Quite the list of kinks you have, if these titles are anything to go by.’ The Commander muses with a chuckle and his hand leaves my ass cheek, sliding between my legs once more. A whimper escapes me as his calloused fingers dance over my soaking folds feather light, tantalizing but never touching properly.

 

‘What was your intention by displaying these books so openly, I wonder? Do you imagined the hobo elf, doing these things to you?’ I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head again, receiving a thoughtful dark hum in response.  
‘No? Don’t you want him to shackle and dominate you, put you into place and use you to his own leisure? Make you forget your responsibilities? Because this is exactly what he is doing. Filling your pretty head with his lies and making you blind for friendship and love.’ The Commander details now in a dark voice and I buck up as finally two fingers press over my clit, circling and gathering the wetness. I am so close already, only by his filthy words and act of dominance and I can’t restrain myself.  
‘Please…’ I whisper brokenly but am ignored as the tip of his middle finger dips into me to the first digit. My muscles clamp down immediately, not used to such thickness and size. My fingers are so much smaller and Oh Creators, this feels so good! I barely catch the meaning of his words, as Cullen speaks further.

‘So soaking wet and snug around my finger…’ words murmured against my ear, then he raises his voice to a normal, firm tone.  
‘Tell me, was it him you imagined, fucking and wrecking your sweet tight cunt?’ His words are emphasized by a dark shuddering sigh as my muscles clench around his intruding finger.  
‘In and out… In and out…’ he says in a husky sing sang, mimics the motion with his finger. My head starts to spin. The Commander stops for a moment to nibble at the shell of my ear, before continuing in a dark tone.  
‘His little cock inside you, claiming you before devouring your…’ I squeak as his finger abruptly leaves my cunt and trail further, circling my tighter hole. He shushes me till I relax.  
‘...virgin ass? Taking your purity in both ways, filling you up with his soiled seed?’ Hips raising even more I try to push against his finger but again the Commander denies me, pulling away with a dark chuckle. Trembling, too embarrassed and aroused to answer I only whimper and then shake my head again, whimpering as his full lips brush against my ear

 

‘Was it him you envisioned, calling you his dirty little whore while he conquers you? Fucking you hard and deep, taking away your control?’ a tinge of jealousy swings in his words and cuts through the haze of lust, makes me feel guilty all at once. It gives me the energy to speak.

‘No! Not him!’ I croak pitifully and Cullen makes a shushing sound, before kissing the tip of my ear again. Lovingly, such a great contrast to his filthy words.  
‘Not him, hm? Then who do you crave? Whose finger and teeth imprints do you want to wear on your soft skin? Marking and claiming you for everyone to see?’ He does not wait for my answer and his full lips wander down to my neck. Hot breath ghosts over the love bite he had created the other day and I feel him smile against my skin as I crane my neck eagerly to give him better access.

‘You… I want you to- ohhh!’ My knees buckle as calloused fingers slide forward again, circling and massaging my clit. The Commander hums thoughtfully and adorns the love bite with a soft kiss.  
‘Who is ‘You’, sweet Ellana? Say it.’ His words are an order and I arch my back as he brings me on the edge with his fingers and voice alone. Mindlessly I start to writhe under him, several attempts of speaking needed before I can answer.  
‘You, Cullen! My Commander! My tactical Advisor! My-‘ He growls feral and surges forward, burying his teeth deep in the juncture of my neck. Pain and lust flares up in me and my eyes roll back in my head as I buck helplessly. His name tumbles over my lips in a wail, the calloused pad of his finger pressed hard against my clit and his low muffled groan of lust resonating in my ears. 

 

 


	11. "White"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unbetaed. If you find an error, take care of it. It smells like Cullen. ;)

 

 

Lewd sucking noises let my ear twitch as the Commander laves at the renewed lovebite, intensifying the purplish color. Writhing under his ministrations, gasping and clutching at the collar of his surcoat. Rough calloused hand oh so gentle, circling my clit with expertise. The fire in me burns me from the inside, pleasure I have never known.  
‘Oh Creators… Oh yes…’ I whimper and arch my back as the searing desire becomes too much. Pain and pleasure becomes one as the Commander suddenly bites down hard, before releasing my abused skin and growls.

‘Don’t you dare to come!’ It is like a slap in the face. The pain paralyzes me and I go rigid, a moan choked in my throat. No! I want to come! Please I want! The voice inside me screams as his hand presses hard against my sex, cupping it fully. Hindering me from searching the pleasure on my own.  
He sensed my rebellion, of course he does. Heartbeats later his other hand is clamped around my throat, cutting off the air I need to breath.  
‘No! Cullen please!’ My plea is wailed, echoing through the high build office. All of Skyhold surely heard me but I don’t care, so enthralled by the pleasure and satisfaction the Commander denied me so cruelly. Helplessly I try to chase what he took away, pressing my pelvis down against his hand with the little movement he permits me. But it is not enough. Never enough.

 

‘No… No… please…’ I whimper pathetically, one hand grabbing blindly for his. Tears gather in my eyes, the intense throbbing between my legs driving me mad. Like a cat I’m writhing now, moaning and voicing my pleas with despair. Commander Cullen shudders at my twitching movements, keeping me pressed down on the desk.  
‘Shh… All in good time my sweet Ellana…’ he murmurs in my ear, but I feel the rock hard length of his desire press against the curve of my ass. Twitching just as me, the Commander can’t stop the shallow thrusts fully. He wants it too. But he holds back. Why?

Cheeks damp with tears, my body slumps down on the desk`s surface at last. Defeat. My heart thunders in my chest and just slowly I come down from my high. Then, after a few seconds of peace, he starts anew. Little flicks of his calloused fingertip against my folds, tracing their way up to my throbbing clit. Strands of hair obscure my face as I wheeze, torn between longing to come and the knowledge that he would not let me.

 

‘Ir abelas! Cullen emma lath! Please!’ I whimper pathetically, having slipped to my native language without realizing it. My advisor’s answer to the strings of elven is deep groan, close to my ear and vibrating through my body. Pressing his hips against mine, rubbing himself against my writhing for his own pleasure.  
‘Maker give me strength…’ he husks and cups my sex again, relishing in the squelching sound the wet skin and his movement in tandem makes.  
‘Would be so easy to fuck you now… to thrust inside you to the hilt… force you to take my thick cock. Stretching you, making you mine…’ His voice becomes breathier with each word he speaks and I nod furiously at his words. The first digit of his middle finger dances downward again, and then the Commander presses me flat down on his desk, filling my tight cunt with his finger. Slowly but steady, shuddering and groaning throatily at the contraction around it.

Hands scrambling at the edges of the desk I lift my hips eagerly as far as I am able, head tilted back at this unknown feeling of pure pleasure. There is no comparison to his finger and just in this moment I know that I am addicted to it. Crave it.  
‘More!’ I croak greedily and again Commander Cullen shudders, keeping his finger deep inside me. No movement, only stretching. Enjoying, relishing in the way my inner walls clamp around the intruder.  
‘So eager… you truly want me, don’t you?’ The Commander murmurs against my ear. As I nod once again he chuckles breathily, his tongue darting out to trace the shell of my ear.  
‘I want you to say it.’ He orders cruelly, but my tongue is to dry to function. When I take a few seconds to long to answer, he starts to pull his finger out, slowly dragging it crooked against my inner walls. With a choked whimper I press my legs together. His large hand trapped between them, caging him. Another chuckle grazes my ear as he ignores my feeble attempt, and uses the thoroughly coated finger to assault my clit alone. The pleasure starts to crest once more, every nerve of my body singing with pleasure.

 

‘Remember, you’re not allowed to come’ He exclaims once again with a sinister tone, sadistic satisfaction tainting every syllable. A deep groan rips from my throat at that. Eyes squeezing shut I dig my fingers into the wooden desk. Trying to endure the circling motions on my clit as he kept me for a few seconds longer oh so cruelly on the brink of orgasm, but not letting me tip over. Then he stills finally, his other hand sliding over my heaving belly. Splaying out there, guiding my breathings. And I need this guidance. Everything throbs and I am panting harshly, a thin layer of sweat coating my skin. Tears slide down my cheeks and in defeat my forehead connects with the dark wood of the desk.

For a few minutes, the only sound in the room is our heavy breathing. With soft murmurs he coaxes me to release his hand, then lets it slide sticky and damp over the bare curve of my ass.  
‘Soon, my sweet Ellana…’ Cullen whispers as I whimper pathetically, his hold on me never lessened.  
‘All in good time. You would not learn from this if I give you so easily what you want…’ A kiss is brushed against the tender lovebite and I tense up as a spark of pleasure shots straight to my oversensible clit. Throbbing in tandem with my heartbeat, torturing and mocking me. His words echo in my heart, the dominance he wields drowning me. I want this, but right now it is so hard to endure. Sensing my predicament he brushes strands of hair out of my face, looking down at me.  
‘Relax. Breathe with me’ Cullen says in a soft tone, but the demand in his words is allowing no protest. With his chest against my back, sweat soaked fabric clinging to our skin its easy to follow this order. He keeps his breaths deep and long, administering me to fill my lungs with air. It does not take long till I fully relax, the scent of him surrounding me like home. A approving hum is given as my grip on the desk relaxes and I pull them up. Tenderly he takes over, bending my arms behind my back. Not painfull but insistent, one of his large hands wrapped around my wrists. Trapped.

 

‘Good girl. So far, you pleased me well. But if we want to continue this, we need a watchword. You know the use of a watchword, my sweet Ellana?’ he murmurs softly, lovingly and I shudder as full lips ghost again over the shell of my ear. I crane my neck to give him better access, almost forgetting to answer him.

‘Yes. If I say it, the dom-' his golden eyes flash at the name

'I mean, you will know it is too much and stop.’ I whisper dutifully and my eyelids flutter close again as a slick tongue darts out, toying with my earlobe. Heat burns in my belly and I sniffle in despair. Commander Cullen hums softly, then straightens. The pressure on my wrists in the small of my back lessens, but not enough so I can free myself. It just takes away the edge of pain in strained muscles. But I don’t dare to free myself anyway. I want this… I want to stop thinking…

‘Very good. We will use a simple watchword for the beginning’ Cullen continues in a soft but stern tone, making me aware of the seriousness of this topic. It cuts through my haze of desire and the joy that builds inside me. For the beginning… so he won’t stop. I smile at that and nod eagerly.  
‘Good girl. Your Watchword is white. White like your Vallaslin. Repeat it.’ The Commander announces after a moment of thoughtfulness, his hand tracing one of the tendrils with admiration. I can’t suppress a smile. For one, his pronunciation is perfect. And two… Solas never mentioned my full body markings. It was unusual, even for dalish elves. Not to mention that he always took care not to touch me. The featherlight caress of Cullen’s fingertips now feels like heaven.

 

‘My watchword is ‘white’’ I repeat dutifully and shift a little on my feet impatiently.  
Golden eyes rove over my bare lower body, taking in with an approving growl the wetness which dribbles down my inner thighs. He seems to contemplate for a moment and then he squeezes my wrists softly, before releasing them.  
‘Good. Turn around.’ Cullen orders darkly and I blink in surprise, before shuffling eagerly to comply his command. Large hands on my waist guide me to his liking, helping me to sit on his desk comfortably. With quick fingers he pulls off my boots, followed by my leggings and smalls. In a haze I watch him, my attempts to help rewarded by naughty fingertips caressing the inside of my thighs. The touches make me aware of the sensitive state between my legs, and the amount of arousal gathered there. Creators, I wasn’t even that wet when playing with myself the other day.

I blush at the memory, and how I had called out Cullen’s name as I came. But all these thoughts are brushed away when the Commander cups my cheek. Enthralling me with his gaze, golden eyes looking into my very soul. Full lips pull in a smirk, the scar on his upper lip tantalizing. A soft sigh escapes my lips and my eyelids flutter, but I can’t stop looking up into these pools of molten gold. His voice far away, echoing in my heart as Cullen gives his next command, in a sinister tone and lustful tone.

 

‘When we are alone, you will address me with “Master” alone. Any other name will earn you punishment.’ My heart pounds so loud I am sure Cull…Master is hearing it. Wide eyed I hold his gaze, his hands settling on my waist on either side. Caging me. Pinning me.  
‘You will… timidly…’ -he emphasizes the last word-  
‘… Answer each question of mine with either “Yes, Master.” Or “No, Master”.’ His eyes darken and so do mine, vision turning blurry around the edges. All I see is him. My Commander – no. My Master. This enigmatic, imposing man who captivated me so completely. Body, mind, heart and soul.

‘Unless I permit it, the only other word you will use is your safeword. I for one will call you however I see fit, and you will carry each name with pride.’ Blood rushes in my ears, and I am sure my cheeks are bright pink. Netvousness mixes with excitement in my belly. This game is dark. Sinister. Dangerous. And I am thrilled by it. To experience this dark side of sex with him.

 

‘Understood?’ My Master growls darkly and narrows his eyes, gaze calculating and taking in every movement I make. At first I nod only, before remembering the rules of this lustful game.  
‘Yes, Master…’ I breathe with a trembling voice, and the large hands at my waist twitch possessively. Squeezing, pulling me closer to the edge of the desk. Never tearing his gaze away from me, my Master steps between my parted legs, my head tilted upwards and waiting with a wild beating heart. Oh Creators. Faces inches apart, the warmth of his breath ghosts over my lips as he chuckles. Then Master slides one hand to the nape of my neck, squeezing lightly. The smirk which plays on his full lips speaks of hunger and lust, as he stares down at me.

‘I love how you say this. So submissive and pliant... We will have so much fun together, my little temptress...' The praise washes over me and I straighten unintentionally, craning my neck to hold his gaze. Sliding his hand from my nape to my jaw he tilts my face up even more, chin held between his thumb and forefinger. Golden eyes flash as he commands darkly:

'And now, kiss your Master.’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
>  This whole thing gets out of hand. I mean. I look at my notes and keep thinking... holy fuck! What am I doing here?! Oh my. Send an exorcist.


	12. Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EARLY WEEKEND PRESENT!!!! (Because I will start to study psychology soon *happy happy happy*)
> 
> I have no explanation for this chapter. And no summary. I mean. What should I write? "Please reader, don't drip too much on my work?" :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidenote: This chapter switches a little between what Ellana (you, hehe), experienced with Cullen after the end of the last chapter in form of "reliving" it and the actual events happening in this chapter.
> 
> And I think with how this chapter ends... the moderate option for comments will become quite handy now. I except nasty comments from one "fraction". Stay nice, my dear readers! <3

 

My whole body sings with desire still, as I ascend the stairs to my quarters. I am happy, content. And everyone can see it. The nobles on my way whispered excitedly, one lady even swayed dramatically before dropping to the floor. A blissful smile is the culprit, softening my normally resentful features. But I can’t, want conceal this smile.

On my kiss swollen lips his taste lingers, a reminder of what we did. The moments we shared. For a moment I even consider to never wash my mouth again. So this taste of sweet mint, red wine and uniquely him, the feel of his lips against mine stays for an eternity. Not in my wildest dreams, I imagined an evening like this. This is more than sex. With every touch and every kiss, he feeds the growing love in my heart.

 

Opening the door to my quarters, the fresh breeze from opened windows is like a caress on my still flushed face. I inhale it deeply, long eyelashes fluttering. Tunic, leggings, smalls and boots. Everything falls down to the floor as I near my bed. Even on my skin, his scent lingers. Sweat, Patchouli and his unique musk. Speaking of desire, lust and love. But even without his scent, he is still with me. I carry the fruits of his lust on my body. The feel of his tongue, fingers and lips. Burned, seared into my skin. So I will never forget what he did. And I won’t.

With a soft sigh I stop in front of the bed, naked as the day I was born. Soft firelight illuminates me, reacting in a tantalizing way with the color of my vallaslin. Cullen had been fascinated by the way the bloodwriting reacted with the soft glow of the candles in his office. Glittering and shimmering, like a string of jewels to guide his way. Heat pools low in my body, yet again.

The way he kissed me. So much desire, tracing every inch of me with his body. A pretaste, he had called it. Of what I will experience when I chose him in five – now. four days. It is past midnight already. After sliding under the soft covers, I turn on my back. Recall his strong calloused hands, roving over my skin with adoration. This was true worship. Never before a man touched me like that. And I never again want someone else. I want Cullen. My…

 

‘Master’ I whisper half aloud, the soft smile on my lips growing. How many times I had called him this in the last hours, I can’t remember. Too often. In a pleading down, downright begging him. For release, a kiss, and to be held afterwards.

 

Three more times he denied me to come. The need so strong, I almost considered to say the safeword. White. White like my vallaslin. But I didn’t. No. I wanted to show, to demonstrate that I am able to endure his sweet torture. I wanted my Master to be proud. And proud he had been. Rewarding me for my fortitude. Licking, nipping at the bumped skin of my vallaslin, tracing the tendrils as I writhed on his desk. Feverishly, body covered in layers of salty sweat.

I shudder as my hand mirrors the way his tongue took earlier. Down my neck and past the purplish bruise of the lovebite he created. I don’t intend to cover it. It is a sign that I am desired, loved. Not the innocent love I shared with Solas. No, this love growing in me now is like a wildfire. All consuming, searing me alive. Like Andraste on her pyre. How blasphemous. Maybe it is too soon to call it true love yet. Or love at all. But I never felt so strong for a person. My thoughts by day and night. They center around him. The Commander of my forces, desired by so many. Women and men alike. But he offered me to be at his side. Me, and no one else.

Hand descending lower between my legs, caressing the damp skin there. But not more. No. Master forbade me to seek pleasure on my own. Glazed eyes flutter shut as I relive what happened earlier in his office yet again. Settled down on the couch on the right side of his desk, the wide seating comfortable enough for us both to lay there. Me on my back, legs spread and bend. Cullen hoovering over me, surrounding me with his masculine scent.

 

 

‘In this game of ours, there are rules I expect you to follow’ My master announces in a stern tone and I nod, our lips swollen from the kiss.  


‘Rule One: Your body is mine. I alone decide when and how you reach your high.’ Dark golden eyes twinkle with dominance, dilating as I suck in a surprised breath. The thought thrills me. To come only in his presence alone. With him watching. Creators, this is want I want almost as much as his impressive length deep inside me. I nod without a sound, and it is the last consent he needs.

Baring his teeth, his large hand slides over my belly and upwards, closing around my throat. Loosely, demonstrating that he has the upper hand I look up trembling and then my Master bends down to brush another featherlight kiss on my lips.

 

‘I can do this the whole night… the way you look short before coming… its addictive…’

Cullen holds my gaze with an intense stare of his own, while his hand releases my throat to slide back down and between my legs.

’Rule two: Never question my devotion and faith.’’ Cullen continues thoughtfully, his finger grazing my folds. I buck at his touch, a moan ripping from my throat as he presses his finger inside.  

‘I had no other woman or man since I gave you the ultimatum, Sweetheart’ Cullen growls and I narrow my eyes in confusion. 

 

‘They throw themselves at me, wait naked in my bed or on my desk. But I send them away every damn time. Because the thought of you being mine fills me with a satisfaction I can’t compare.’

His words are accompanied by movements of his hand, steady thrusts and his thumb circling my clit. Heat flares up in me higher and higher. Effectively stopping me from asking questions, forced to listen to what he says.

 

I whimper as my orgasm builds, barely able to return the kiss he bestows on my lips. Vision becoming dim my eyelids flutter shut. I surrender. Finally… finally… No!

My hands shot out and grab his wrist as he pulls away with a sadistic chuckle, pressing it back against my clit. Pleading without words, but it is no use.

His hand unmoving, ignoring my whimpers and pleas. Pulling me this way from the haze of pleasure.

‘Not yet, my sweet… Breathe like I taught you too’ Master whispers soothingly in my ear before kissing me again, tender and soft. It is difficult but I manage to follow his order, ignoring with the last bit of willpower the intense throb between my legs.

 

My breathing evens out and I smile drowsily as he nuzzles my cheek, placing a kiss on my forehead, eyelids and then lips. For a few seconds I remain in this state, finally able to progress his words earlier. Their meaning sinks in and my eyes snap open in confusion.

‘But the scout in your office… I thought…’ I start with hurt lacing my voice and Master growls low, jaw clenching in anger at the incident which almost tore us apart.

‘Luring me into my office by pretending there was an urgent request. As soon as I entered the room she flung herself at me. Kissed me, acted like a wanton whore. I send her away and went back to Delrin and heard you were searching for me. I rushed back, but the damage was done.’ He explained, briefly hurt flashing in his eyes.

‘Yet again you showed how little you trust me. Didn’t gave me the time to explain. Instead you decided to run like a child.’ His voice is laced with anger and I shrink more and more into myself, as I look up at him with a trembling bottom lip.

‘I… sorry… I-‘ Cullen interrupts me with a shake of his head.

 

’And this is why you need time to think, my love’ he says, his voice growing softer now.

‘It is true what I said two days ago. When I make you mine, I won’t let you go ever again. So you need to be sure that this is what you want. And for this, you need to learn how to trust. Learn to let go of poisoned thoughts.’ He declares insistent and I nod again, looking guilty and ashamed.

 

For a few minutes neither of us speaks while we look at each other. Finally my head tilts to the side and I hum, while Cullen’s hands wander in slow circles over my skin. Tracing the vallaslin on my thighs. How could I ever doubt him? No, I need to tell him why I came back!

 

Gathering courage I clear my throat and look up at him again.

‘This is why I came back.’ I exclaim slowly and he raises one eyebrow as indication for me to continue.

‘I wanted to hear that you fucked that scout bitch.’ Golden eyes darken at my words and he bares his teeth.

‘Didn’t you listen to what I said, Ellana?!’ Cullen growls annoyed and the sound resonates through my body. I bite my bottom lip and shift under him, raising up on my elbows. He keeps the small distance between us, hands stilling their caress. My eyes blaze as I ignore his statement, growing bold.

 

‘I wanted to hear how you fucked her. Hard? Soft? Passionate and wild?’ He growls in warning but I for once don’t falter, instead start to smirk to mask the wave of jealousy I feel at my own words. His honest reaction at my words confirmed his declaration earlier. It made me giddy. Cullen stayed faithful. Faithful to me.

‘It drives me crazy with want to know that others already had the pleasure to feel you. All of you.’ I purr and his hold on me tightens. I take delight in the pain Cullen ignites, shuddering slightly as I add breathily.

‘I lie awake at night, fantasizing feverishly of how it would be… to be taken by you. How you will claim me as yours in five days at midnight. Will you be thorough, Master? Use every hole of me so I can’t walk the next days? So everyone knows that the Lion of Skyhold did to their beloved Herald of Andraste?' I say my title in a mocking tone, my cheeks heat up at these words and Cullen sucks in a breath. His hands on my body tremble, and I cover them with mine. Only keeping myself upward by the strength in belly muscles alone. Showing him what I am capable of. More confidence grows in me as his eyes drop down to the flexing muscles, bare from any vallaslin to obscure their movement. Grabbing him by the collar of his tunic, I pull his face closer to mine, softly kissing the corner of his mouth.

 

‘I can’t wait for this night. When my body will be yours. Because my heart… Already is…’ I whisper and he groans low, taking a deep breath to collect himself. Yes, these words are true, I feel it. To say it directly in the common tongue… for this, it is too soon. My tongue darts out to trace the scar on his upper lip. To change the topic. Make him snap. Get a glimpse, true glimpse of what he will do to me.

‘Back to the present, Commander. If I recall correctly…’ I purr with a smirk and Cullen raises one eyebrow in amusement.

‘For one, you only said you won’t fuck’ -I emphasize the last word with a sigh- ‘me till that night. So I wond-‘ The rest of my sentence is swallowed as Cullen surges forward with a feral growl. Full lips crashing against mine he presses me flat down on the table. Devouring my lips hungrily, his nostrils flaring as he forces me to part my lips. Deepening the kiss, stealing my breath till I am dizzy and whimpering with want.

My legs forced apart to accommodate him, the hard throbbing length of his cock concealed by only the clothes he wears. The pressure feels incredibly, even more when he starts to thrust. A glimpse of what he will do in a few days. My fingers clutch in his tunic, keeping him close, so close to him. Never want to let go. His thrusts become harder till he stops abruptly and ends the kiss. Eyes squeezed shut he trembles all over, composing himself from no doubt spilling in his smalls. The thought makes me moan wantonly and at this his eyes flicker open, black and feral. The growl that grows in him starts low, becoming louder and more dangerous. Wide eyed I stare up at him, captivated by his gaze as he frees his cock roughly. Grabbing my hand and closing it around his shaft, letting me feel the dampness gathered there, precome and the wetness of my own arousal.

 

‘Touch me, Ellana. Make your Master come!’ the order is hoarsely spoken and I squeeze his cock eagerly, which pulses and twitches in my grasp. Cullen shudders at the contact and then guides my hand to stroke himself. Enthralled I watch how his face contorts in pleasure, groans und grunts becoming louder as he moves faster and faster. I am the one, doing this to him. This knowledge is nearly enough to make me come and I pull him down to me again, sealing my lips over his. He groans into the kiss and lifts his hips, pumping movements of our hands becoming erratic. Then he breaks the kiss with a loud roar and hot wetness splatters all over my belly, thick ropes of white seed marking my skin. Declaring his claim. Cullen bucks several times more in our hands, wringing his cock to not squander even one drop of come. All for me. His eyes are glazed over as he slumps, catching himself in the last moment and face buried in the crook of my neck.

‘Maker you will be such a perfect temptress when I’m done with you… the perfect counterpart to me…’ Cullen husks and takes a deep breath, before pulling back to look at me. Awe and satisfaction in his gaze, clouding over as something more sinister starts to rise in him. Pleasure surges through me at the memory. I bite my bottom lip and then my hand mirrors what Cullen had done next. Not caring for his come on my skin he traced the tendrils of my vallaslin, sucking on swirls and round leaf-like ends. Following their lines down to my stomach, where the most of his seed started to cool on my overheated skin. The only white marks there. Fascinated he toyed with the stocky come, drawing circles into my skin similar to the vallaslin. As if performing his own ritual, letting me wear his vallaslin on my skin too. A second god to worship. Golden eyes flickered up to me when he was done, permitting me to answer his unspoken question.

 

‘Women…’ I croak breathlessly at the intensity of his gaze, my eyes flickering between his own stylized vallaslin and the ones of my gods.

‘Women don’t wear seldom full body vallaslin. And if they do, then never on their belly. In case they get pregnant. Because the stretchmarks would ruin it.’ Cullen groans low at my words and presses a kiss directly under my belly button. He is trembling and the emotion which flickers on his face lets me know what he is thinking, then voicing after another lingering kiss on the same spot.

‘The thought of your belly round with child… Marked for everyone to see that you are taken…’ My whole being shudders as I repeat his words from earlier, failing in mimicking the husky tone of his voice. The possessiveness. The lust. He then pushed my legs apart, electing a surprised yelp from me as hot breath ghosted over my sex. Damp – no. Wet with arousal. For him. All for him. He, my Master, never ended his sentence of who would be the father of this child. Because there was no need for it. We both knew it. An unspoken agreement which made me wail so loud, as he lowered his lips to my folds, tasting and touching for the first time with his tongue what no other man did before him.

 

‘Ellana!’ My eyes snapped open at the sound of Solas’ voice, ripping me out of my hazed dream. Followed by the creaking of the door, and footsteps on stairs. Panting harshly, I tucked the sheets around my naked body guiltily. Just in time. Solas reached the top of the stairs, blue eyes glinting in the dim light of my quarters. I swallowed hard and wiped my hand clean under the sheets, immediately aware of the tousled state of my hair. And the lovebite on my neck. Contrasting greatly with my skin, like a beacon in the night.

‘So…. Vhenan?’ I croaked nervously, combing strands of hair over the purplish bruise in the hopes to conceal it.

 

‘Tell me these rumors are not true’ Solas growled, the anger flashing in his eyes intense. My stomach churned. He never looked at me like this. Except for one time… when he attacked me in his room. When I didn’t answer his question he growled even louder, stalking like a predator in my direction. His eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he neared the bed, both hands clenched to fists at his sides.

‘Tell me you didn’t whored around with a dirty shem! Did you forgot already what I taught you?!’ Again I swallowed and sat up, trying to increase my body height to face the ire in blue glittering eyes.

‘You are a shame for all elves! Your ancestors!’ Solas lashed out, knowing how much these words would hurt me. And they did. Like hot needles in my heart. All air left my lungs as I started to duck my head, hands kneading in my lap. Gaze dropping in shame, my eyes then fell on a bruise at the inside of my left wrist. The fear and feel of guilt changed all at once. Solas does not deserve to be angry at me. He had his chance. I am the Inquisitor and free to choose whom I love. And… whom I befriend with. The last thought is born out of mixed statements. From Cullen. And my dear Sera. ‘You are not alone, Ellana my sweet’ Cullen had murmured after kissing the bruise, while I sat panting in his lap. ‘It isn’t love when someone forces you to forsake friendship and joyful moments in pretense of a pure relationship. Elves can be friends with others. There is not only war and death.’ ‘He keeps you away from others, Elly. The children look up to you in adoration. They want to see you smile. We all want. A true smile. We want to see you happy.’

I pursued my lips as rage bubbled up in my belly. Shoulders squaring, I faced the man I once loved, as he stopped in front of the bed. Shaking with anger. Jaw clenched. He opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him before he could even say one word.

 

 

‘Shut up, Solas.’ My voice tinged with malice, taunting and provoking him. Why? He deserved it! Too long he kept me under his power, so instead in the arms of friends I turned to alcohol. Never again!

‘It is past midnight. You should not be seen in my quarters. It is improper’ I spat out and for the first time since I knew him, Solas looked stunned. He obviously wasn’t prepared for me rebellious like this. Always I had ducked before him. Said ‘yes’ and ‘ma vhenan’, in fear that he would abandon me. But I don’t need him any longer. I won’t be alone, even when he leaves me now. Sera is here. Cullen too. His mouth snaps shut and he stares down at me, nostrils flaring. Strengthened by this I sit up in bed, letting the sheets slide down my nude body. Let him see. All the small bruises and bite marks my master left on my skin. Finger imprints on my hips and waist, a testament of his claim. Blue eyes dropped and widened as he saw them, taking a step back in hurt and shock.

‘Yes, look at them!’ I snarl and free my neck from strands of hair, showing off the biggest bruise there. Face twisted in a cruel grimace, the anger inside me boiling, threatening to tip over.

‘He gives me what I want! Cullen worships me like you never could!’ Every word lashed out, aimed to hurt the man who caged me in for so long. Under the pretense of keeping our blood pure. What a fool I had been! My clan would have never turned away from me for loving a shem. Never. As long as I am happy, they would support me. All these truths bubble up in me, strengthening and intensifying the feel of righteousness I felt. Yes. This is right. I am allowed to love a shem. To have shem, Qunari and dwarfs as my friends. Shaking I lift one hand, and place it above my heart.

‘And most of all: I love him. Do you hear that, Solas? I love Cullen – not you! I won’t listen to you any longer!’ My voice rose in pitch and volume, reaching its crescendo at the final sentence.

 

‘Leave my quarters in this instant or I will call the guards! We are through!’

 

 


	13. Surprise

 

‘Untill then, In-Ellana.’ I can’t suppress the tentative smile in answer as Cassandra nods towards me before sliding from her horse. With a fluttering heart I watch how the Lady Seeker hands over the reins of her horse and disappears in the direction of the armory. Halfway she turns, lifting her hand in a goodbye gesture. I copy it, the smile on my face growing. So this is… what friendship feels like.

A deep sigh, eyes fluttering close. Yes. I feel free. The whole morning, I spent mending and building friendships. Was it too soon to call these connections that? Friendship? After waking up and a quick bath I practically invaded Lady Mont- Josie’s office. The surprise was written all over her face, but quickly melted away as she saw the tray of tea and pastries I was carrying. Yes. I carried a tray of tea myself! If I wanted to start anew, I need to break old habits. This I swore after Solas left my quarters last night. No longer under his thumb, free to choose how and with whom I want to spend my time.

 

The tea-time with Josie felt strained at first, to be honest. So many invitations I rejected before, speaking volumes of how much I must have hurt her. But being Josie, she was quick to forgive me. We talked for what it felt like hours. Girlish things and on the topic of shoes Sister Nightingale appeared basically out of thin air to join us. It was nice. Really nice. To experience this other side of my advisors. See them out of the war room at all. They are just people like me. Not aloof, trying to swoop me down as soon as I grow careless. A nice change, really.

‘Josie and Leli’ I whisper to myself and slide down from my trusted horse Peanut. The smile still playing on my face I guide it into the stables. Making sure to nod in a friendly manner towards Dennet, who reciprocated this gesture of mine. One of the few who had caught on my changed behavior without much ruckus. Not everyone reacted this smooth. As I left Josie’s office after teatime and greeted the nobles standing nearby with a cheerful “Good morning!” one of them actually fainted. Not that this was something new – nobles faint all the time for stupid reasons - but I took it as a sign that they also realized the Inquisitor had changed. At least a little.

 

But one thing at a time, Josie reminded me with a smile. So not only to overwhelm the others, but also myself. It made me thoughtful. How cruel, aloof and ignorant had I been? That a simple greeting made people faint, stop and stare? I know the answer to this question and shake my head with a sigh. So much time squandered, lived in solitude and loneliness where there could have been joy and laughter. Friendship, camaraderie.

Another sigh and I open the box, guiding peanut inside. The horse gingerly trotts over to the bucket with grain, sniffing before munching with a huff. Absently I unbuckle the simple cloth which served me as a saddle, and pick up the brush. While I took care of peanut, my thoughts strayed away once more.

 

After teatime with Josie and a quick visit at the rockery (Leli was insistent to show me Schmooples 2), I stopped at Mr. Tethras’ table. Instead of brushing past like always I sat down and watched him write for a while. He glanced up for a heartbeat, assessing me with his sharp eyes before relaxing a little. ‘Just let me finish this’ he had murmured absently and nodded with his head towards the parchment in front of him. Upside down, I couldn’t read clearly what was written on it. Next to the larger parchment where 5 smaller ones and I raised one eyebrow as I recognized Sera’s sloppy handwriting on the one at the left.

 

‘What is this?’ I had asked curiously but the note was snatched from my fingers before I could read it properly.

‘You will see soon.’ Mr. Tethras answered mysteriously but added with a wink ‘Nothing bad. Just friends, trying to help. Be assured’. Before today, I would have grown suspicious and demanded to know the truth. But with my belly full of crème pastries and cinnamon tea, I felt content. Still do. It took him a few minutes more to finish the parchment with a flourish, then he blew on the paper, folded it and it was placed aside. Away from my curious eyes. We had talked then and he made it easy for me. Reserved at first, yes. After all I nearly left his best friend Hawke in the fade. But our conversation soon became comfortable and he even told me how he got his trusted Bianca. Although…. Now that I am thinking of it. That someone left such a crossbow in a barrel…?

 

With a giggle I drop the brush and pat peanut on the neck.

‘I think he tricked me, darling’ I say and get a grumbled sound between a neigh and a snort as answer. Peanut nudges me with his head, deep brown eyes flickering towards me and then back to the bucket. Oh yeah. How interested this horse is listening to me and my thoughts. I roll my eyes.

‘Yes, I got it. “Stop talking Ellana. I am still hungry. Move your ass and give me more grain.”’ Picking up the bucket and leveling my horse with a mock annoyed glare I slip out of the box.

An approving whicker accompanies my short walk towards the larder, where the sacks, crates and barrels with food for the horses are stored. The old door creakes questionably as I open it, but I pay it no mind.

 

Three horses long and two horses wide. A small larder, in comparison to the stables with nearly 15 boxes. The other horses are in a larger area down the valley, together with the bulk of Skyhold’s inhabitants. My fortress is a imposing one, but even my cruel ruler ship in the past hadn’t stop pilgrims, soldiers and peasants to travel up the mountains. Ah, well. With a shrug I push away from the door, leaving it open so light from outside filtered through. My thoughts stray away once more as my eyes adjust to the changed lightning.

After the conversation with Mr. Tethras who insisted I should call him Varric from now on, I went to find Lady Penthagast. She was just about to make a short afternoon ride with her horse and in a split decision I joined her. We talked and it made me giggle how girlish this stoic woman could be. Beneath the cold and threatening demeanor was a heart of pure gold. Compassionate, romantic and even funny if you let her. I loved talking with her and we quickly agreed upon another ride the next morning. It also meant that I have to spoil Peanut a bit now. This horse surely could be a dickhead if it wanted.

 

 

My eyes flickered thoughtfully over the crates with vegetables and other treats, when the door suddenly slams shut behind me. Leaving me in utter darkness. I jump in shock and drop the bucket, which lands with a clank on the dirty ground. Before I can react, a gloved hand is pressed over my mouth, preventing me from screaming for help. The air filled with the odor of horses, grain and straw gained another scent and my tense body relaxed instantly.

A deep dark chuckle at my right ear, full lips grazing the pointed tip as my attacker speaks in his low rumbling voice.

‘Surprise, Ellana…’

 

‘You scared me!’ I exclaim in a mix of annoyance and mirth, my voice muffled against the leather glove. Another chuckle and then I feel the hard press of his body against mine.

‘Is that so?’ Commander Cullen murmurs in my ear, his other hand settling on my waist. Curling slightly, keeping me close to him. He isn’t wearing armor, the only thing separating our skin the leather of my riding gear and the fabric of his training attire. White tunic and black leather breeches, black boots and gloves. I know this without looking. How often have I watched him train? Admired the muscles moving under his skin? Wished to know how these muscles would move bare, when his body slid against mine in passion?

 

‘Thinking dirty again, aren’t you?’ His amused voice rips me out of my thoughts and I twist my head a little, looking sheepishly up at him in the dark. The small beams of light filtering through the creaks between wooden planks at the walls cast everything in a sinister atmosphere, but I feel no fear. Golden eyes glint slightly in the dark and Cullen hums low, hand sliding down from my mouth and under my chin, tilting my head up more. I haven’t answered his question I realize now, but with the way he is looking at me he seems to read all he needs to know in my eyes. Full lips pull in a smirk and then he bends down, brushing a soft kiss against my lips. Chilled from the cold slightly, warming up under his gentle touch within seconds. The kiss remains chaste, although his hand on my waist does not. Wandering, tucking at the hem of my blue tunic which I wear under the dark brown leather camisole. Freeing it from the hold of my leather leggings, and then gloved fingertips dance over the bare skin of my belly.

I sigh into the kiss but Cullen controls my movements, preventing me from turning in his arms so I can embrace him. His growing need for me presses against the curve of my ass and my body responds in kind. It is almost embarrassing how he can make me wet with a few touches and kisses. His searching fingers are no help, tucking at the laces of my leggings and loosening them enough so he can slide his hand inside. Downwards, cupping my sex with an approving hum. Then the Commander breaks the kiss and nuzzles his face in my neck, applying kisses there.

 

‘You distracted me, temptress’ he murmurs into my skin while his middle finger dances over my folds, delighting in the way I tremble in his arms.

‘Sitting on that horse of yours, wiggling your hips in a rocking motion. I wished it was me you would ride. My cock deep inside you, out there in the open. So everyone sees who you belong to.’

Heat washes over me at his words. A dark fantasy, coupling in public under the eyes of hundreds. Gasping, finding pleasure together. Would some join us? Pleasure themselves while their leader rides her commander? This thought drives me crazy with want, so much it drowns the embarrassment I should feel. A sound outside makes me freeze, and reality crashes back in. The knowledge where we are like fuel to the fire which builds inside me. They could hear us. Someone could walk in.

‘Is… is… the door locked?’ I whisper and then gasp muffled as his middle finger finds my clit with expertise. The leather of his glove is a delicious friction to the slow circling movements and my mind starts to fog.

 

‘Of course not. Anybody could walk in any moment…’ Cullen says and I hear the smirk in his words.

‘…See their Inquisitor, being fingered in the larder by her Commander’ He adds and I whimper as a spark of lust shots through me at the image he paints. The shocked face of whoever walks in, seeing me like this. But something is not right in the way Cullen says it. I shudder and try to concentrate, to speak up.

‘No…’ my voice is breathy and the Commander stops immediately, the tip of his finger just short before breaching me. And oh how I want it! To prevent him from pulling away my hand grabs his wrist, pressing his finger harder against my clit as I continue breathlessly.

 

‘No… not her Commander… her Master. They see the Inquisitor and her Master.’ Even through the haze of desire I can feel and hear the effect of my words. A low growl of possession and then I am pressed against the wooden wall of the larder, the rock hard clothed erection of Cullen snugly buried between my ass-cheeks. My cry is muffled as one finger fills me, the other hand roughly tearing at the waistband of my leggings. Down they go in tandem with my panties, the clanking of a buckle as Cullen opens his own trousers with quick tugs.

‘Maker’s breath…’ he growls and shoves his trousers down. A yelp escapes my parted lips as his pulsing length slaps against the crack of my ass, crown damp with precome. He wedges his shaft between my ass-cheeks and up, creating delicious friction for himself. Hot and hard, pulsing against my sensitive skin. I wish he would just take me, here against the wall. His cock between my legs, buried to the hilt. A rush of wetness accompanies my aroused thoughts, and Cullen feels it. His next groan is muffled against my shoulder blade as he starts rutting, slow and lazy despite the arousal surely raging inside him. Another fingers joins the first and I tense up, my head tipping back against his shoulder. This stretch is a mix of pleasure and pain. A preparation of the stretch I will feel in a few days when my Master finally claims what is his. Full lips leave fire in their wake as Cullen litters my skin with kisses, before speaking anew.

 

‘Imagine it… Their eyes on you, wide and aroused as I fuck you from behind…’ A hard thrust of his hips, another muffled groan.

‘Filling you again and again with my cock, stretching you wide. Bending you to my will, forced to take the pleasure only I can give you…’ he rasps and I whimper louder, fingers curled tightly around his wrist as he thrusts his fingers inside me, thumb rubbing my clit.

‘There will be no misunderstanding of what we are doing. And I will have you everywhere. On your balcony with the guards watching us. In the hall on your throne, my office, your quarters. Everywhere I will fuck you, so you will remember it each time you are there’ His voice goes rougher with each word and my eyes squeeze shut as I imagine it. Heat spirals higher inside me, the slide of his cock between my ass cheeks becoming erratic. 

‘In the library, pressed against a bookshelf. Imagine the echoes of slaps when our hips collide. Your sighs and moans while I force you to come again and again.” I buck against his hand, pleasure starting to crest as he fills my mind with thoughts so dirty I would have never imagined them on my own. But the fear to be heard is still there and I press my other hand over my lips, muffling the louder becoming whimpers.

 

Cullen notices it, of course he does. With a snarl he thrusts even harder, full lips give way to sharp white teeth as he buries them into the sensitive juncture of my neck. Aimed directly for the bruise still healing there, sending me over the edge in a blur of pain and pleasure. I freeze in his arms, going rigid and still as pleasure curses through me. My cry of his name is barely audible, so hard my hand is clamped over my mouth. He growls low and pulls me roughly against his chest, hips jerking against the curve of my ass before stopping abruptly.

‘Not like this’ I think he is murmuring, but I am not sure. And quite frankly, I do not care. Not with the way my cunt clenches rhythmically around his fingers, the high of my orgasm easing away slowly. Leaving me a trembling mess.

 

Both breathing hard we hold onto each other, my hand dropping away from my face to curl around his forearm. He releases my neck with a sigh, soothing the inflamed love bite with a tender kiss. Clit throbbing in tandem with my fast beating heart I shudder as he slowly pulls his fingers out with a wet sound, applies another kiss below my ear to calm me down. Cullen looks thoughtful, stubble scratching gently over my skin as he exhales audibly and places both hands on my belly, guiding my breathing till it too is calm. Just then he turns me in his arms and leans me back against the wall for a proper kiss. Lips moving soft and tender, just the tiniest flick of tongue. I sigh contently, hands curling in the soft linen of his tunic. Like this, I could stay forever. Post coital haze, encircled in the strong arms of the man I love.

 

‘This will not do…’ Cullen murmurs against my lips, fingers busy with buckling his belt. I squint up at him, confusion all over my flushed face.

‘What?’

Golden eyes twinkle as he brushes his lips again over mine, tilting my face up to nuzzle my nose. His breath is warm; traces of the peppermint tea he drinks each morning making me smile absently. Strong and refreshing. Just like him.

‘You try to stay silent’ Cullen clarifies my question and I blink in confusion, but then my face flushes even more. The disapproval in his words is difficult to bear, weighing just as much as my fear of being discovered. The reality of what we just did comes crashing down upon me. The rumors! The scandal! Poor Josie who would have to clean up the mess!

 

Nervously I start to fidget, eyes flickering everywhere but to the man in front of me. All of sudden the ceiling and walls seem much more interesting and anxiety settles in my soul. The people have expectations. I am their leader. I need to be aloof. Untouchable. I-

‘Stop Ellana!’ My eyes snap up, guilt and anxiety plain on my face. The Commander sighs and cups my cheek, tracing with his thumb one of the lines under my eye. His gaze is soft, but I can see the silent calculation behind these golden pools. Resisting the urge to look away I bite my bottom lip instead.

‘Such a pretty head. But so much nonsense in it’ He says finally and it is said with so much exasperation that I am stunned for a few seconds. Before I can recover, Cullen continues in a low tone, my face tilting up so our lips almost touch.

 

‘There is nothing wrong with voicing your pleasure. And even if someone would comment on it. You’re not alone. It is okay to make mistakes, to attract attention. That’s what we are here for. Me, Leliana, Josephine and the others.’ His voice is imploring, the insistence with which he speaks turning me completely silent. All I can do is blink, staring up at him. It should frighten me that this human is reading me so easily. But no. It makes me feel… light. Be held. At home. Like a soothing background mantra. Cullen is here. He understands me. I am not alone. I can be myself. I can be Ellana, and he will love me no matter what.

 

‘Stop to over analyze what others will think of you. Of your actions, your words.’ Commander Cullen murmurs and I squeak like an embarrassed child as he kisses me feather light before pulling away again.

‘No one will think less of you. Your true self is lovely. Don’t hide it.’ My blush deepens and it provokes a small smile on full lips. His words sink in, quenching the tainted thoughts Solas had feed my mind all these months.

‘What you started this morning… it is the right way. To build friendships. To become closer to the people looking up at you. I have to admit; this is what I wanted to tell you when I saw you going to the stables.’ His smile grows, the scar on his upper lip stretching as it becomes smug.

‘But the opportunity of being alone with you in the larder… I couldn’t help myself.’ a soft kiss brushed against my lips, too fleeting for me to return it properly.

 

I raise on my tiptoes, chasing his lips. And just like that I feel the hard length of his cock, brushing against my belly. Eyes widening my gaze drops instantly as realization settles in.

‘You… you haven’t…’ I whisper breathlessly and another wave of guilt crashes over me. How can I claim to care so much for Cullen when all I do is take? I haven’t even considered that he was holding himself back, so caught up in my own high. And after that he had to console me because I was nearly having a fit of panic. Oh Ellana you stupid thing!

My jaw clenches at these thoughts but Cullen just raises one eyebrow, seeming amused by the flicker of emotions playing on my face.

 

‘I like it when my partner is vocal, Ellana. But you decided to deny me that’ He murmurs with a smirk, chuckling as I pursue my lips at this. Is he mocking me now?! This will not do! With a determined expression I stare up at him, quenching the nervousness I feel. I will wipe that smug grin from his face! Oh yes I will! And I know exactly, how.

‘I am sorry, Master. Let me show you how much…’ My voice is not more than a purr and the Commander raises his other eyebrow as well. Holding his gaze, I slowly sink down to my knees, using his muscular thighs as guidance to make it appear graceful. And I need this guidance, because my legs are shaking with nervousness. I have never done this, but am determined. No one stops a determined dalish. And for just a heartbeat Cullen actually looks stunned, before his eyes widen just a friction. Full lips part as he inhales sharply, realizing what I am about to do.

‘Ellana… You don’t have to-‘ He starts but I level him with the most threatening glare I can muster, my fingers curling in the waistband of his leather trousers.

 

‘Imagine the eyes of the others’ I purr and inch the leather fabric down, licking my lips as his heavy hard cock springs free. The smell is a mix of warm skin, sweat, leather and precome. Musky but not unpleasant. Even more it makes my cunt clench in anticipation as I remember the last time I experienced this scent. When Cullen spilled all over my belly, then used his seed to paint my skin. Marking me as his.

'When they see the Herald of Andraste on her knees, sucking on her Commander’s cock...’ A large gloved hand tangles in my hair, twitching as I wrap one hand around the base of his hard length. Coarse golden hair tickles my fingers and I relish in the feel, just as I relish in the lust gleaming in golden eyes. They darken as I whisper the next words, giving him my most seductive smile.

 

‘Let me worship you, Master.’

 

 


	14. Plea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will hate me so much for chapter 15. I know it. *cries*
> 
> Anyway. Here is chapter 14. Shorter than usual, written completely on my smartphone. Keep any grammar errors, they are sensual kisses from Cullen.

 

 

Cullen inhales sharply at my words, jaw clenching tightly. Golden eyes ringed with sapphire flicker over my kneeling form with lust, the air scented with my arousal and the musk radiating from his groin. In the dim light I more feel than see his dominating presence. But what I see is enough for me. Precome pearls at the tip of his impressive length and my tongue darts out, eager to finally learn how my Master tastes. I want him to feel good. Show him what he does to me. Give back at least a hint of the lust he ignites in me. And for a heartbeat the Commander seems to consider it. His heavy thick length throbbing in my small hands, pulsing hotness promising me pleasures I haven’t learned yet.

But then Cullen does something I couldn’t have predicted. The hand in my hair tightens, pushing me back from his cock instead towards it. Confused I glance up, a pout forming on my kiss swollen lips.

 

‘What-‘

 

‘No, Ellana.’ He grounds out, hissing as my hand slides downward his cock before releasing it. Encircling the hand holding onto his thigh he pulls me up against him, cupping my cheek in a tender gesture. My head spins at the sudden movement, the ugly feel of rejection rearing its head. Why isn’t he allowing me this? According to Dorian, men love it when you suck their cock. Am I not enough? Is Cullen thinking I am not good? Creators forbid… is he sensing that this is the first time I do this?

I blink rapidly to prevent hot tears of shame from falling, nearly numb as full lips brush against mine tenderly. The peppermint on his breath. The slick heat of his tongue as he traces my bottom lip. I shudder involuntarily, hands curling in the linen fabric of his tunic.

 

‘Not here. I want to see you when you please me like this, pet.’ The Commander murmurs in a dark low tone and my knees almost buckle at the lust which swings in his words. At once the rejection is brushed away, leaving only heat and eagerness to please. To please him. To please my Master.  I part my lips to speak but no tone comes out, silenced once more by full lips. Covering mine, sucking and kissing me. Oh creators, the way he can kiss. So powerful and consuming. Pouring every bit of love and lust into the kiss, tongue coaxing mine to play and tangle. He controls the kiss like he controls my heart, guiding but never taking too much of me. As if knowing my limits unspoken, every action of his carefully guiding me towards what could – no – what will happen in a few days.

I feel lightheaded, start to sway. But Cullen holds me secure, his grip firm but gentle as he walks us backwards, till my body hits the wooden wall with a soft thud. Just then he breaks the kiss, golden eyes staring down in mine. Pupils blown wide our breaths mingling as I try to regain some sense of reality.  One gloved forefinger traces my cheek, the vallaslin there lovingly. Following the intricate lines down to my jaw, fingertip brushing over my bottom lip. His taste still lingers there and I sigh, eyelids fluttering shut once more.

 

‘Not even one movement I want to miss when your sweet lips wrap around my cock.’ The Commander murmurs while straightening our clothes easily with one hand, holding me up with the other.

‘Darkness has his merits in the play lust and desire… and I will teach you this. But we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves. These first moments of intimacy need to be treasured.’ He speaks between featherlight kisses.

 

‘So you remember them for an eternity. The first time you suck my cock, it will be in your quarters in front of the fireplace.’ I nod in a trance, feel his hand slide between my shoulderblades and to my nape.

‘I want to see the light play in your hair, no sound except your eager sucking filling the room. This moment, it will be ours. Not shared unknowingly with horny stable boys standing outside the door, their little cocks straining to get at least one glimpse of you.’ Heat blooms in my cheeks at that and I tense, an action that earns me a dark chuckle.

‘I’m a possessive man my sweet Ellana… And I don’t want to share you. Not like this.’ Another kiss, silencing me before I can speak. Thoughts swirl in my head, while my hand curls in his tunic tighter and tighter. Never before a man made me feel like this. And I never ever want another man.

 

‘Make me yours...’ I whisper shakily and he stops mid-motion, lips hovering just an inch over mine. He swallows hard, the sound making my ears twitch. I think I will lose my mind if I don’t continue. I need to tell him.

‘I don’t want to wait. I am sure. I love you. Please Cullen please…’ My begging is pathetic and tears gather in my eyes. Overwhelmed, consumed with need. I want him to be my first. My last. My everything. And I want him now. Stunned he watches me, golden eyes wide and his whole being trembling. 

‘Please… please Cullen. Make me yours...’ Leaning forward, pressing my body snugly against his. Feel the hardness of his muscular body, the clear outline of his cock pressing insistently against my belly. The Commander stifles a groan at the increased body contact, shuddering at both my plea and the look I give him. Large hands tighten around my smaller frame and Cullen cups my cheek once more, forehead touching mine as he exhales deeply and audibly. His breath fawns over my face, another soft kiss on my lips. And then he says the words I longed to hear, in a tone so rough and deep it makes me shake.

  
  
‘Yes... yes Ellana... ‘

 

 


	15. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes... well. May I introduce myself? Lady Cockblock, at your service. :D

 

 

‘Ellana, I-’

‘Out of the way!’

‘What happened? Why is she crying?!’

‘Maker, someone get these people away! I swear-’

‘Inquisitor, I am deeply-’

‘Ellana!’

‘Is it true?! They are all-’

‘Maker, shut up! We don’t-’

‘How dramatic! In the middle of the courtyard, I-’

‘ELLANA!’

 

* * *

 

I can’t breathe. Sobs wreck my body. It hurts. It hurts so much. Lungs raw from all the choking and gagging. Throat raw from my screams of agony. I can’t. I can’t! This is a cruel mistake. A joke. It has to be. They can’t be - no. I can’t, want even think of it. It would make it real.

Another sob. Face feels so hot, but I feel so cold. Heart broken, in its place only shattered pieces. No. Please no. It’s all my fault. It’s my fault. I failed. Failed them all.

 

Tighter curling into a ball. Sheets underneath my cramping body damp. From tears, from sweat. From snod. I don’t care. Not anymore. My life. My past. All is gone. They are gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. One? Two? Three? It does not matter. Not anymore. The pain stays, even as the shock subsides. Why. Creators, why? Fenharel, take them! Take... me.

It is too much. I can’t cry. Eyes raw and red, it hurts to even open them. How pathetic. How weak. Disgusted with myself. But I can’t. Can’t bring myself to care. Care… like my clan cared for me. Face twists. An ugly grimace. Another choked sob. Saliva trickling out of my mouth. Seeping into the mattress underneath. Not an hammock. Not an aravel. A bed. Like a shem. A dirty shem. Like those who kill-

Eyes squeezing shut, heart seizing up. Hands balled to fists anew. Dried blood from too long fingernails, digging into sensitive skin. A faint pain, no comparison to the pain in the space where once was my heart. They are gone. And it is the shem’s fault. Dirty, dirty shems! I-

No. It’s MY fault. I failed them. I failed my clan. Send nameless soldiers instead of protecting them myself. Whored around with a shem, while my clan was murdered in cold blood. What a shame for clan Lavellan.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Fingers on my face. Soft. Tenderly. Wiping away with featherlight touches the dirt from my face. Her gaze, filled with tears. Not for them. But for me. Then her face blurs again, I close my eyes. Like a puppet, she pulls me up. Into a sitting position. Unbuttons tunic, leggings, shoes. Smalls. Careful, not one hectic movement. Cloth dipped again in scented water. Slow circles, touching my skin. Washing away the filth of days in misery. I shudder, head tipping forward. Seeking contact. Seeking warmth. She grants it. Of course she does. Drops the cloth finally, pulls me in her arms. Holds me. Just holds me. No words. No phrases of condolences. They won’t bring them back.

 

‘You have to live, Elly’ She whispers during one of these moments. Never far, always here. Not my choice. I would have locked myself away for a eternity. But she refused to let it happen.

‘You need to live. For them’ voice soft, resonating through my shattered heart.

‘It’s not your fault that they are gone...’ She says next. Tilts my head up, soft lips brushing my cheek. My gaze drops, unable to hold hers. She is right. I know she is right. But I feel numb. They also would have wanted me to protect them. They believed I would protect them. Trusted me. And I failed. What good I am… a so called savior for the world. If I can’t even save my own blood?

 

* * *

 

One week. Seven days. 168 hours since Josephine stopped me and Cullen short before my quarters. Face pale, eyes red and puffy, she handed me the report. Which now lays crumbled somewhere near the fireplace. I-

 

‘Elly.’ She says softly, tilts my face up as I glance away. Carefree face always laughing, now filled with sympathy. Not pity. A tear rolls down my cheek. I let it fall, soak into the furs underneath us.

‘Oh Elly…’ She repeats and pulls me close. Arms wrapping around me, holding me secure.

‘You’re not alone, Elly. Even if it feels now like it. You have friends. They all ask about you.’ A pause.

‘He asks about you’ Calloused hand cupping my cheek, gently forcing me to hold her gaze. Another tear wells up.

‘Sera…’ I croak, voice rough and scratchy from the long time unused.  

‘You don’t have to do anything. I just want you to be aware of this. You’re not alone’. Insistent, watching my reactions carefully.

 

‘They are gone…’ I whisper, croaked, voice hurting still. She shifts a little, hands me a mug of water from the nightstand. We sit cross-legged on the floor, furs arranged as a makeshift bed. I can’t sleep in that shem bed. It disgusts me. It hurts me. Eyelids flutter, another tear.

‘Yes’ she answers and lifts the mug to my lips, chilly rim already refreshing so much. Tilting up, pours cold water past my dry lips. Some runs down the corner of my mouth, dampening the furs. Then I start to swallow. Her gaze is soft. After just a few sips she puts the mug away, wiping with her thumb over my face.

 

‘The pain won’t go away. It never will. But it gets easier, with time.’ Her words from another day, resonating through me. I squeeze my eyes shut. This task seems so impossible. How can I live, when they are dead? Smile and laugh, when they can`t?

‘They wouldn’t want you to give up. Not like this.’ She leans forward, kisses my forehead. A sigh leaves my lips and I glance to the side. Shame. Sadness.

‘Your clan is gone’ I tense as she speaks out aloud what I am thinking since that dreadful day. It makes it real, a different kind of hurt.

 

‘But we are still here. You are still here. And you have to live, Elly. Live for them. You are not alone’ Her voice is so soft, words chosen carefully and spoken slowly. For a while, neither of us speaks. Silences tickles by, the sound of the outside world muffled by large doors and heavy curtains. Slowly, unsteady I extract myself from her embrace. The furs rustle underneath as I slide from the nest we made, walking in a trance to the balcony. Hands curling in the heavy silken fabric of curtains, dalish designs stitched into it. Josephine’s doing. I trace the patterns absently, my gaze flickering through the dimly lit room.

 

Yes, their love for me is everywhere. The cinnamon tea Leliana gets me from far away, resting next to the hearth in a small basket. It’s flavour faint but there.

 

The small wooden figures Blackwall crafted me. Halla’s, fennecs, rabbits, cats. I love animals. Miniature trees. Because I can’t be in the forest every time.

 

Cole’s collection of glittering pearls, because I once mentioned I like their shine. I remember his owlish look as he gave them to me and the confused face I made.

 

Three books about dalish stories, Varric organized me as I got homesick shortly after the temple exploded. A gift from one of his friends, a dalish mage named Merril. From clan Sabrae, I think. She lives happily with the champion of Kirkwall, Varric said. Expecting their first child.

 

Cassandra’s old dagger, a gift she made me after the breach got sealed for the first time. She must have seen the longing looks I gave that weapon, the beautiful engraved dragon on it. It looks so real.

 

At last, my gaze falls on the two items near the fireplace. Pushing away from the curtains, I walk on shaking legs. Closer. Fixing the two with tired eyes. A necklace with an wolf jaw-bone. A small but well used chess set. I close my eyes, breathe deeply.

 

I am the last of clan Lavellan. One of the last true dalish, the blood running in my veins pure and not tainted. But I am also the Inquisitor. I have a duty. Not only to the elves, but also to the dwarves, qunari and shem in thedas. I am the last of Clan Lavellan. And I will live. For them. And for me. Another deep breath, as my fingers touch the surface of one item. Then I turn towards my best friend, squaring my shoulders and facing my future.

  
  
‘Tell my advisors… that I want to see them in an hour in my quarters.’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
>  Ellana didn't recruit Vivienne. So no - I didn't forget her ;)


	16. Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Ponticle and Liala for beta-reading! You're the best!
> 
> And to my readers: Thank you all for subscribing, bookmarking, giving kudos and squealed comments! It made me incredibly happy! <3 <3 Feel hugged and kissed, all of you!
> 
> Enjoy Chapter 16! Soon I will post the "grand finale" ;)

 

 

Every breath is measured and carefully taken. The scent of soap clings to my clean skin and I feel refreshed. Ready to face my future. Sera had left not long ago, after a last parting hug and kiss. I smile as I remember the feel of her lips on mine, tasting of honey and self-baked cookies. I’m a glad to have her as a friend. In another life we could have been lovers. But in this one, my heart is already taken. And if I am honest with myself… it has been taken for months.

On silent feet I walk over to the massive wardrobe in my quarters. Dark oak wood, t he same material which my people used to build our aravels . Sadness flickers in my eyes for what was lost and what was gained. The clarity that even if my clan is gone people who care for me remain. Despite my attempts to push them away in the beginning, they wormed their way into my heart. Bit by bit. The wardrobe, the windows in opalescent green designs, the fine curtains. Everything arranged to make me feel at home.

My slender fingers slide along the fabrics contained in the old wardrobe. Dresses, uniforms, my leather armor and capes. All cleaned and ready for me to wear. It’s strange that I never gave any thought of these little things. The flowers on every table in the room, radiating the scent of forest and nature. I shake my head and then chose the one attire I always refused to wear. Out of spite. Out of anger. Out of… resentment.

 

But that was the past. I will be what Thedas needs. What the people living here in Skyhold want, need, me to be. Their savior, their leader… but also their salvation.  I am the herald of Andraste -- even if it is technically a lie. Adamant proved that, at least at the first glance. Yes, the anchor which I carry was Corypheus’ doing. But it was the call of divine Justinia that pulled me into that room. Her plea for help, answered by me. Anything could have happened that day. I should have died, but I didn’t. I am not so blasphemic of the creators to believe that it was Andraste who saved me. My creators watched over me that day with Mythal, the goddess whose Vallaslin I carry proudly on my face and body, leading them.

The creators may have protected me. But no matter what a human, elf, dwarf or qunari may believe, in the end our religions are all the same. The hope that someone out there watches over us, guides us and protects us from harm and because of this, it does not matter what people call the one they worship. Be it one name, or nine, a simple stone or the rules of a society. In the end we are all the same.

 

The towel slides from my body, falling in a whisper to the ground. A glance outside tells me I still have some time, and so I pick up the brush, combing my hair carefully. Untangling knots from days of neglect, till my hair is silken and straight once more. It reaches to my elbows and I scrutinize myself in the mirror. No. I want this to be perfect. Cassandra’s knife serves me well, and a smile spreads on my face as I look at my new self in the mirror. My hair barely touches my shoulders now, slightly curling now that the tresses lost some of their weight. With a hum I smooth the locks a bit, before piling them up in an elaborate bun at the top of my head. For the attire I have chosen, ‘long freely flowing hair does not match’ I smile as I hear Josie’s beautiful accented voice echo in my head. Next I pick up lipstick and kohl, accenting my eyes and lips in a manner Leliana taught me at the Winter Palace. Back then I had hated this face painting. But now I`ve grown up and understand the importance and power you can imply with correctly chosen makeup.

When I am satisfied with my work, I turn back to the bed where I have lain out my chosen attire. It shimmers beautifully in the soft light of my quarters, rich silk and fine embroidery telling of its value. Even though I hate austerity, in my role as Inquisitor people expect me to appear otherworldly. Better. Pure. But it also means responsibility and duty. Carefully I dress myself, smoothing away any wrinkles made and folds not right in place. A flowing burgundy red dress with a high collar, closed at the front and back leaving my arms bare, showing the intricate white swirls and tendrils of my vallaslin. The dress fits nearly perfectly, only a little bit loose around my middle. No wonder, I lost weight in my state of grief. But no more, look forward, Ellana.

Stepping in front of the mirror once more, the accompanying jewelry shines as I attach it to complete my dress. Adorned with silvery chains and white gems resembling diamonds, the shoulder chain necklace radiates power, beauty - but also gives the impression of armor showing my strength in court and the battlefield.  I smile at my reflection, the chains rustling gently as I move.

 

Perfect, I achieved what I wanted to. Reflected back at me is a young woman, but with an air of confidence and power around her. A deep breath and I nod to myself. I can do this. Face my future, with all it entails. So I move away from the mirror and in front of the fireplace. On my way I pick up a glass, quenching my thirst and stilling my nervousness. Another thing I swore to myself, no longer I will turn to alcohol to gain false strength and warmth that only lasts a few hours. I know I can find that strength elsewhere. The firelight plays beautifully with the jewelry around my neck and shoulders and I let the warmth of the room seep into my bones.  My quarters are neat and tidied up now, except for the small chaos I created and contained in the bathroom. Everything else is back in its place and nothing gives away the fact that I grieved for nearly one and a half weeks in private.

Deep in thought I recall and rehearse what I want to say to my advisors.  Soon, the church bell chimes eight times signaling the start of the evening chant, the tower of the church illuminated by the setting sun, just as I had asked it to be. At the last chime and on time as always, they knock three times on my door. I square my shoulders and turn to the fire, taking another sip from my glass of water.

 

‘Enter’ I announce, voice steady and filled with authority. The glass returns to its place on the mantlepiece with a click, just as three pairs of boots climb up the stairs. I keep my back turned towards my guests, staring into the fire and my arms folded in front of my chest.

After a few seconds the footsteps become muffled then stop, as my advisors line up properly and at a respectful distance away. They wait for me to start this meeting, and I can feel their eyes gliding over my form and new image. I feel a subtle shift in the air as they, no doubt, take in my appearance and stance and realise my change in leadership and personality. I am grown up now and know what I want. No longer will I let myself be held down by ill-advised whispers spoken deep in the night. I am my own woman and can decide for myself what I want, how I want and when I want it..

I let the silence grow heavy for a few seconds longer, before slowly turning around. Facing all three advisors with a warm smile, catching the approving glint in Josie’s eyes. Still there are traces of worry in their features, although my tactical and advisor and the spymaster mask this emotion well. Three pairs of eyes resting on me as finally Josie opts for a small bow.

 

‘Inquisitor’ she says in her beautiful accent, in this one word implied all the things she wants but can’t say. Not yet. Not now. Concern for me. Relief that I feel better. Approval of my changed appearance. But also curiosity. Leliana’s eyes stay on my form as well, although I am sure that she already knew about it before. Her spies are everywhere and she does not seem surprised in the slightest.

At last my eyes shift to Commander Cullen, who regards me with a calculating but impassive look. No emotion shows on his face and no matter how hard I try I can’t guess what he is thinking. The ultimatum he gave expired a few days ago and I know what that means. Maybe I deserve this impassiveness. But right now I need to settle another matter first before saving my personal life.

 

‘Thank you coming here at this late hour’ I say in a steady voice, eyes finally straying away from the imposing form of the Commander.

‘And thank you for handling everything while I was...’ My lips purse for a moment as I think of an adequate word.

‘... indisposed’. Eyes flicker over to Josie who nods in understanding. I have no doubt who is responsible for securing my solitude. All the nobles she must have entertained and steered away from me. I make a mental note to thank her later personally once more.

‘Of course, Inquisitor’ Josie acknowledges and then a tentative smile appears on those plush dark red painted lips.

 

‘We trust you feel better?’ A rhetorical question but I sense the worry in it. As answer i turn my back to them once more, slender fingers sliding over the warm stone of the chimney. No trace of dust. The servants kept everything clean. Unseen like little helpful imps. I wonder if they are paid appropriately for their service.

‘It took me some time….’ I admit, and it feels good to be so open with my feelings. In the past I would have never turned my back to them. Showed my vulnerability.

‘But yes. I feel better now.’ Again I turn, picking up the glass from the mantlepiece and bringing it to my red painted lips.

‘Despite that, what happened at Wycome...’ my voice falters for a moment, and golden eyes darken the tiniest bit. I glance away from Commander Cullen.

 

‘It can’t be left unatoned. They murdered in cold blood what I held...hold… dear’. Josie nods in sympathy, the quill in her hand scratching over parchment as she makes notes.

‘We brought everything that could be saved to Skyhold, Inquisitor’ Now it was Leliana who spoke up and surprise flashes over my features. Everything that could be saved? But why? I swallow hard, gesturing for her to continue.

‘Commander Cullen thought it would be in your interest to give your clan a proper funeral.’ She says softly, carefully. My eyes dart to Cullen, who still regards me with a calculating but unreadable stare.  Then my vision blurs as I visibly crumble under the knowledge of this new information, Its weight settling in. My fingers curl on the stone of them mantlepiece as I try to remain upright.

 

‘This… this is a good thought. I will look through it as soon as-’ The world spirals, fabric rustling as my knees buckle.

He moves swiftly and within heartbeats strong arms steady me on my waist and shoulder, guiding me gentle but insistent towards the armchair close to the fireplace.

‘Sit’ Cullen murmurs close to my ear and I comply, sinking down into the plush seating and closing my eyes. A thin layer of sweat pearls on my forehead. One hand splays out on my stomach I take deep steadying breaths, subtly leaning into the gloved hand still resting on my shoulder. Like an anchor. A rock.

The cool rim of the glass is held against my lips, and my eyelids flutter. Leliana smiles gently as she tilts the glass up, letting me drink cool water to quench the dizziness which weakened me till the last drop. The glass gets refilled swiftly and again pressed against my lips.  I open my eyes as soft hands touch mine, interlacing them in my lap.

 

‘One thing at a time, Ellana’ Josie says, motherly in her beautiful accent, squeezing my hands. Her clipboard is abandoned carelessly on the ground as she tucks a strand of hair behind my pointed ear. Silence reigns until I compose myself, then glance up to my Spymaster. Three pairs of eyes watch me carefully as Leliana informs me further, ignoring the disapproving glance of Josie.

‘Belongings were packed in crates and labelled by date, place and contents. The… bodies…’ she takes a step closer but I nod slowly so she continues.

‘Are laid out in a secluded area of Skyhold, near the undercroft. Guarded twenty-four hours a day and under a constant freezing spell. We thought to delay the proper funeral until you felt better.’ Again I nod, taking the glass from her hand and emptying  it with one last sip.

 

‘Thank you.’ Is all I manage to say, then wipe the back of my hand over my face.

‘Is there anything else I should know?’

‘No. We took care of the direst things’ Again it is Josie who speaks up, squeezing my hand once more.

‘It can be reviewed as soon as you are able, everything is documented,’ I wince at that. It was an order I had given my advisors shortly after becoming Inquisitor. My need to control everything. To prevent them from backstabbing, blackmailing me. Now I feel foolish for ever distrusting them.

 

‘But right now nothing is more important than your full recovery. Thedas can wait for its savior a few days longer.’ Josie ends with a soft smile and then rises, picking up her clipboard and quill as she goes. I nod thoughtfully and rise as well, the hand on my shoulder dropping away. I instantly miss the warmth and comfort it provided, but square my shoulders and step to the fireplace once more. Looking down into the flames I close my eyes, breathing deeply.

‘Thank you. All of you. That will be all.’

‘Of course, Inquisitor’ my advisors reply, my head tilting slightly and I smile as Josie squeezes my upper arm gently before turning away. Their footsteps are muffled by the thick carpets in my quarters, and soon after that I hear the faint click of the door as it closes behind them.

 

Releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding, both hands slide up to my neck. Over the fine silvery jewelry, I massage my nape and roll my shoulders. It feels good to have them. And I will do my best to secure their friendship. My eyes flutter open once more and I drop my hands. Tongue darting out to wet my lips I turn around. Facing the enigmatic form of my military advisor, who leans subtly against my desk. Arms folded over his broad chest, the silver of his armor glinting in the firelight. Golden eyes rest on me unreadably, his whole posture watchful and patient. Neither of us speaks a word for a few minutes, while my eyes commit every piece of him to memory.

Black leather trousers clinging to his muscular legs and thighs, adorned with the wide equally black belt. Stitching on the accessory, as well as several chains of silver and gold. Surcoat in a dark rich red color, velvety and also decorated with embroidery. A similarly colored tunic is wrapped around his broad and muscular upper body, obscuring the sight on the polished silverite chestplate he always wears. Dark fur extends the width of his shoulders, and with his more than 6, 3 feet he towers over me. Golden hair combed back neatly, sun kissed skin blending in with golden stubble of three days growth. Both are soft; I know this from trysts in the past. Sharp golden eyes rest on me, betraying neither emotion nor what he is thinking in this very moment.

I exhale audibly. Never before has two feet seemed so great a distance.  How… how should I begin? How can I tell him what my decision is? Swallowing hard I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, lower lip pulled between my teeth in thought. They say actions speak louder than words. But how… how shall I tell him?

It is the Commander who breaks the silence finally, voice deep and dark as he says these words, which haunt my dreams and waking hours since the first time I heard them.

 

‘What do you need of me, Inquisitor?’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
>  http://www.fashionlobster.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/red-evening-gown.jpg (Dress)
> 
> http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1D.PhIVXXXXaLXpXXq6xXFXXXo/2015-Fashion-Wedding-Jewelry-necklace-bride-shoulder-chain-high-quality-shinning-princess-lace-body-chain-for.jpg (Shoulder Chain jewelry)
> 
> \----
> 
> Sidenote: I romanced Solas and Cullen in seperate Playthroughs. And guess what? In the one where I romanced Cullen, Clan Lavellan died. In the one where I romanced Solas, Clan Lavellan lived.   
> Coincidence? A punishment for my pretty Quizzy to chose a shem over the dreadwolf?   
> Who knows...


	17. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well.
> 
> I received a good advice from a User. So know this: I haven't abandoned this story and will complete it. So please be patient one last time dear Reader. The last chapter you all are waiting for is currently being betaed. I want to do things right. And it didn't felt right to let them bang just like that. Cullen is a caring Dom and knows about Ellana's state. I take such matters of dom/sub seriously.
> 
> With luck, Chapter 18 is up till the weekend. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience and understanding.
> 
>  
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

My lips twitch unbidden at his words and just for a heartbeat I am able to see a glimpse of the man who captivated my whole being. Images flood my mind of our times together, the love he had offered willingly as well as his endless patience. Golden eyes lock with mine and I nod slowly, finally allowing the smile to break free. His face is an unreadable mask, gaze calculating as he watches me.

For a moment I glance to the side, the warmth of the fire behind me kindling an idea. How I can achieve what I want. ‘The first time you suck my cock, it will be in your quarters in front of the fireplace. I want to see the light play in your hair, no sound except your eager sucking filling the room. This moment, it will be ours.’

His possessive and sultry words echo in my mind as I glance back towards the Commander, slender hands gliding up over my curves to undo the clasp which holds secure the shoulder chain jewelry. Golden eyes follow my movements, unreadable. It irritates and motivates me equally. I want him to react. To finally claim me as his. The loss of my clan still makes my heart heavy and my thoughts are clouded. But Cullen… he can help me forget.

 

The jewelry drops carelessly to the ground, not important anymore. With Cullen, I don’t need armor nor to keep up the appearance of the almighty inquisitor. Not now. Not ever. Our eyes locked I take another step forward, fingers curling around the small ribbon at the back of my nape. A quick tug and the dark rich red fabric loosens, falling whisperlight down my body. Smoothly, gliding over skin and baring myself to the Master’s gaze. He widens his stance a bit, full lips parting as I let him see his prize. All I offer now, it is for him. My Commander, my Master.

The firelight illuminates my skin, the pigments of my tattoos reacting to it. A faint glow, stark white tendrils and swirls on ivory skin. Another step, my head tilts upwards so I can hold his enthralling gaze. Just a few inches apart from one another I bite my bottom lip, knowing that I am not allowed to touch him just yet. Instead one hand glides in my hair, undoing the bun and freeing silken tresses from its prison. A glimpse of surprise at the new haircut, then a slow smile mirrors my own. One gloved hand of his reaches out, tangling in my hair. His scent overpowers me, the combination of musk, sweat and uniquely him the drug I missed and was denied for so long. He notices, of course. Humming softly, soothingly, playing with the shorter tresses. I lean into his touch, let him twirl the locks around his fingers before he pulls back again.

 

‘Master...’ I purr and he inhales deeply at the way I say his title.

‘I offer you my devotion. My heart and soul.’ Golden eyes glint as I repeat these words from a long time ago, twisting them. Once he offered all this to me. But now, I am the one who offers. Tongue darting out to wet my lips I glance downward. The outline of his half hard cock clearly visible through the rough material of his trousers, igniting a hunger in me. To finally taste and devour what will be mine. This is, what I want. To show my devotion. But as I am about to sink to my knees in front of him his other hand curls around my forearm, preventing me from doing so. Confusion washes over me, breaking the seducing spell I created. What is wrong?

 

‘No, Ellana’ His voice is calm and dark, no trace of lust even though I can see how affected he is of my bare body. Of my will to surrender to him alone. I blink and then shame colors my cheeks brightly pink, humiliation nearly choking me. Of course he does not want me any longer. The situation had changed, his ultimatum over. Cullen must have read my thoughts because  he breathes deeply, one hand sliding in my hair. Pushing the strands out of my face, tilting my head up so I look at him. Our height difference so great, I barely reach his shoulder. Nervously I hold his gaze, golden eyes studying me carefully. Internally I steel myself for his rejection. Surely he already thinks about a way to let me down. Obviously another woman he chose to warm his bed at night. Not the weak Ellana… not me. Tears gather in my eyes but I blink them away, even though my heart is about to break. I don’t know if I can be simply friends with him after all that happened. Creators, I need him so much…

 

A few minutes pass and then the Commander bends forward to my surprise, my eyes widening as full lips brush against mine. Subsiding the tremble that runs through my body I sigh into the kiss, calming down as he pulls me closer. One gloved hand in the small of my back, the other tangled in my hair. The kiss remains chaste however and after a few seconds Cullen pulls back, eyes slowly opening and studying me once more.

‘Not like this, Ellana.’ his voice so calm and collected, not in the slightest out of breath like I am now. How is he doing this? Remaining so composed when my knees feel like jelly from this one kiss?

 

‘Your feelings are in turmoil. Maker knows I want to claim for you for me above all else. But I won’t take advantage of you now.’ words spoken intently, rekindling the hope in me anew. I swallow hard and hold his gaze, fingers curling in the fabric of his surcoat.

‘I want you… I want you….. Please I am ready. I am sure…’ I beg him and notice how he clenches his jaw, eyes closing for a moment to collect himself. Deep down I know he is right. There is nothing I want more than to be his… but tonight wouldn’t be right. Not with my feelings raw, barely mended. I keep myself together, but just barely.

 

Golden eyes open once more and Cullen cups my cheek, gloved thumb wiping a tear away which had escaped my eye. The look he gives me is oh so tender, as if I am the most precious thing in his world. Full lips pull in a smile, scar stretching boyishly and he bends down once more, placing a featherlight kiss on my lips.

‘So what happens now?’ I ask unsure into the kiss, hearing Cullen chuckle with faint amusement. Shaking his head slightly he smoothes my hair before straightening to his full height. Golden eyes resting on me thoughtfully, staying in my face even though I am completely naked. If our roles were reversed… I don’t think I would have this willpower. But I guess this is what makes the difference between us. Everything he does is planned and measured, a fact that gives me assurance. Yes. Others would have taken advantage of my state now.... Simply took what I offered them… not caring that the pain of loss still lingers.

Shyly I fold my arms in front of my chest, chewing on my tongue. Not because I am embarrassed to be naked in his presence. But because I almost made a mistake I would have regretted. My first time should be memorable. Not rushed and with the need to bind him to me.

 

As Cullen slides one hand into the pocket of his trousers my eyes follow him curiously, widening as he retrieves something silvery from it. Delicate and small, it takes me a few seconds to recognize it. Then I arch one eyebrow in confusion, meeting golden eyes once more. Carefully he takes my hand and places the jewelry inside.  

‘Why are you giving me this?’ I ask and he chuckles amused, curling my fingers around the bracelet. The coin attached to it is warm against my palm, it’s engravings worn and nearly blemished.

‘I want you to have it. Originally this was supposed to be my gift for you after I made you mine.’ I know what his words imply instantly and blush, while Cullen merely smirks knowingly and lifts my curled hand up to his lips.

 

‘If you are ready, my love. Wear this and I will know. I have already waited so long… a few days more won’t hurt me.’ As the meaning of his words sinks in I gasp, mouth dropping open.

The commander chuckles and clicks my jaw shut with a gloved finger, before pressing another kiss to my lips.

  
‘But know this… you will have a lot to make up once this matter is settled…’ he murmurs against my lips and I squeak very unladylike as his gloved hand settles on my bare ass and squeezes. Finally snapping into action I wrap both arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Face pressed in his neck I inhale his unique scent, joy and love searing my heart. A second chance. He gives me a second chance!

 

 

 


	18. VILSC

 

 

 

Small hand touching the chilly surface of the mirror. Connecting in a visual way with the young woman, looking back at me. A soft smile plays on her lips, the attire chosen for today with care and determination. Silken hair frames her face, tresses still damp from the bath in vanilla scented water. White vallaslin and ivory skin in perfect harmony, tendrils and swirls accenting eyes larger than the ones of a human, the stubbed nose and pouty lips. Except for kohl around the eyes and lipstick, no traces of makeup can be found. The two colors match with what she wears. Leggings as black as the kohl around her eyes. A blouse in the same deep red than the lipstick. The attire hugs her figure, more curvaceous than most of her kin would be. But she learned to accept herself. Gained the self-confidence to stand up for her own desires. Wishes. Needs.

It had been a long way for the shy hunter of clan lavellan. Thrust in a world foreign to her, made a symbol of hope and a religion she didn’t even knew in detail. Struggles and failures coated her path, followed by misguided whispers of mind and heart. But she wouldn’t want to miss these experiences now. It made her who she was. Maybe young of age - she still had proven herself worthy of the title as “Inquisitor”. A wielder of force and power. Greater than Orlais and Ferelden combined - even though she would never dare to abuse her power like this. It was harmony she craved now. A peaceful life with the ones destiny didn’t took away from her. 

 

The loss of her clan lingered, still. Knowledge of never being held in the arms of her keeper. Being jested by clan-mates for a misguided arrow; or pressed by the young dalen`s to tell colorful stories in the evenings at the fireplace. All that was taken away in a cruel moment. But she would honor her clan by living the life they all wished for her to have. Being happy. Loved. Treasured.

A soft smile tugs on painted lips before they part misting the chilly surface with a breeze of warm air. Smile widening she slid her hand towards the small cloud created, doodling a small heart in it. Eyes glittering with unshed tears, blinking several times so she would not ruin the kohl. Then her gaze flickers away from the heart she made and the two letters written in it. Up, holding eye-contact with herself. Taking in the features of face and body, committing it to memory. Tomorrow, everything will be different.

 

‘Dareth Shiral, old self’ I whisper and my hand drops away from the mirror. Turning away, ready to face my future. On featherlight feet across the room, black heeled knee-high boots making no sound. My goal is the nightstand, next to the bed. Sheets still unruly from last night, where I have tossed and turned for hours. Still - I feel refreshed. Today is the day. With that thought in mind I pick up what lies cushioned on a black velvet cloth. My most treasured possession. 

 

The church bell chimes 11 times, then another, shorter chime follows. It is time. With a last glance in the mirror, I leave my quarters. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

As I step into the main hall, the bustling sound of people greets me. Nobles just barely awake, complaining as always that there is no breakfast left for them. Just in the last moment I can catch myself before shaking my head in amusement, instead stopping patiently as Lord such-and-such directly approaches me in righteous disbelief. His orlesian accent grates my nerves, all lilting tone and slurred syllables. How dare the cook to reject his call for pastries and eggs? Freshly made bread rolls and croissants? No wait - he never liked these croissants anyway. To “ferelden” for his spoiled palate. 

I nod patiently to his complaints, internally basking even in it. A few days ago, no one even would have dared to approach me at all. So this small step into normality is welcomed, even though it is exhausting to an extent. Carefully I gesture him to follow me across the main hall, making sure the speed of his steps matches with mine. I still have the war room meeting to attend do in not less than twenty minutes. No matter how important lord such-and-such thinks his breakfast is. My gaze flickers away from him momentarily, while he gesticulates wildly and slips into a long drawn complaint about the eggs being “not soft boiled” enough. 

 

In the corner next to the large doors, a part of my inner circle stands and sits crowded around a table. Their heads close together, several fingers pointing out something on a parchment. A parchment on which varric writes hurriedly, occasionally stopping a sneaky finger from ruining not dried ink. It is not unusual to see some of them together - but the current constellation still looks… strange somehow.  A thoughtful hum leaves my lips as kohl-rimmed eyes rest on the small group.

Sera, Cole and Varric - that combination makes sense. The dwarf acts like a father figure for the younger ones, and especially Cole seems to enjoy the clucky attitude. Cassandra hovering next to them is a bit more of a surprise. While she and Varric have sort of a rival-friendship on going, she still wastes no opportunity to point out how much Varric annoys her. But maybe - whatever Varric writes now - is sort of a new book idea. The only thing next to a good fight that Cassandra admits to enjoy. Iron Bull and Leliana however… I would have never pictured them to be part of such a group. But before I can ponder the exact reason for their meeting in detail, Lord such-and-such raises his voice and my attention snaps back to him. 

 

‘And imagine that, Inquisitor! That cretin you employed and pay as a “cook” does not even know about the anderfels delicacy!’ I arch one eyebrow, lips pursuing slightly. My first instinct is to remind him of a better choice of words. But then Josie’s warning words pass my mind. Don’t irritate the orlesians. Simply raise the cook’s loan to keep things calm. 

‘And what delicaty might that be?’ I ask in an even voice, suppressing a wince as Lord such-and-such’s eyes widen almost comically under his mask.

‘The Inquisitor is in a joking mood today, Lord Balamore’ A leather gloved hand loops around my arm, the distinct smell of crystal grace permitting the air as Leliana appears out of thin air, coming to my rescue and smiling sweetly at the offended orlesian. 

‘Of course Inquisitor Lavellan knows about the “Pinyin”. Sadly they aren’t easy to get nowadays. But Ambassador Montilyet just secured a possible merchant who will send us some within the next week’ my spymaster continues to speak, while stirring me subtly towards Josie’s office. The orlesian lord - which’s name I already forgot again -claps his hands in delight before letting us go, scurrying away to his entourage. No doubt telling them that HE secured the flow of…

 

‘Pinyin?’ I whisper curiously as soon as he is out of earshot and Leliana lets go of my arm, smirking knowingly at me. 

‘Eggs, buried for three months under ground in a sud of anise, water, chalk, spice and other things.’ she explains and chuckles as my face twists in disgust. Bile rises, my imagination unbidden supplying me with the assumed taste of these pinyins. 

‘That sounds… horrible…’ I say between choked coughs, to which I receive a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. 

‘Believe me, Ellana. It is even worse than it sounds.’ Leliana smiles and opens the door, gesturing me to enter first. Sheepishly I return her smile, shaking my head. 

 

‘Tell Cullen and Josie that I will be there in a few minutes. I need to deal with something first.’ One manicured eyebrow arches at my words and sharp eyes glance past me, towards the door next to the fireplace where Varric and the others are gathered. Then she looks back at me, scrutinizing. All-seeing eyes flickering over my face and body, halting for a moment on my left wrist. Then she nods slowly, her face unreadable.

‘Alright, Ellana.’

 

I am once more terrified and impressed equally. Of course she knows. A curt nod and she disappears behind the dark wooden door, black hinges screeching in protest. A deep breath, air filling my lungs and I square my shoulders before turning away. I want to do things right, and so my next appointment is necessary. Booted feet echoing along the stony walls as I walk once more through the main hall, this time thankfully unbothered by nobles or other talkative peasants. A quick towards Varric and the others of my inner circle, a wave of confusion rolling over me as I see their worried glances. As soon as my back is turned to them they fall into hushed whispers too quiet for me to understand. Only Cole’s voice rings out clear and I hesitate for a heartbeat, hand resting on the handle. 

 

‘Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, provides the peace she needs for her soul. And she knows.’ That first part makes me smile, but what follows lets heat rises in my cheeks. 

‘Strong arms wrapped around her, not caging but concealment. Heated kisses, wanting more. Tidal waves of lust, passion cresting when they finally become one. Tonig-’

A unbidden squeak leaves my lips and with vigor I rip open the door, slipping through to escape the unexpected humiliation. A chorus of snickers and bellowing laughs wafts through the door, muffled thankfully. That’s the last thing I need now. 

 

Squaring shoulders once more and straightening to full height. My goal stands with his back turned to me, hunched over his desk. It is strange. The affection once so strong… now is fleeting. Like a tiny flame, out-shadowed next to the roaring fire his rival had ignited in me. I feel sad, in a way. Maybe in another life, we could have been together. But I have matured, know that whatever had been between us… wasn’t build on love. It was synergy between wisdom and an inquisitive mind. Our age immense, something I tried to ignore. He forty-five, me twenty-three. In the past it had bothered me, yes. But he had this youthful presence. Still has. Our common ground is our origin - at least to an extent. He never held the dalish in high regard. Always criticizing, compromising. Lecturing me when we entered the temple in the arbor wilds, treating me like a clueless child. It was even worse with Morrigan standing next to us, watching the snarky exchange of words with a salacious smirk. One of the few times I had questioned the nature of our relationship.

How dare he to question me like that? Lecture me in front of others - in a way a hahren would chide a dalen? I shake my head, turning back to the present. Not everything had been bad between us. Joyful snippets of times together, the way he kissed me first shyly, then with sudden passion in our fade-trip to Haven. I still remember how my heart leaped the moment he pulled me in his arms. Close to his body everything else turned to grey as he claimed my lips with his. The passion and love I felt back then… it is something I will always treasure. 

 

‘Solas, we need to talk’ I announce my presence, preventing myself from getting lost in lingering feels of a dying love. My path is set, my decision made. The light weight around my wrist is proof of that. And because of this, it is “Solas”. Not “vhenan”. “We need to talk” and not “Can we talk?”. I am my own woman and stand my ground. 

 

He does not react, at first. The seconds tick by and for a moment my determination falters. But then pointed fingernails dig into the flesh of my palm as I close my hands to fists. No. I will see this through. And if he is not able to look me in the eyes - then it’s his loss, not mine. Eyes trained on his slender form, the play of lean muscles underneath his linen shirt is subtle. But after months of being with him and with my hunter-trained attentiveness, the signs are clear. He knows I am here. And if the twitch of his right ear is any indication… he also heard glimpses of what Cole said. 

‘You asked me to give you a second chance.’ my voice carries through the room, demanding respect and attention. Solas shifts a little, tilting his head down. 

‘And I am here to inform you of my decision.’ detached and professional, voice betraying no emotion. It is better this way. What use is a tearful string of words like a jagged and dirty shard, when a clean but sharp cut lets wounds heal better? I have moved on - and so shall he. No more “what if’s” or “if things would have been different”. This line of thinking only hurts in the long run, the comfort felt at first elusive. 

‘I don’t want to be with you. Not today, not tomorrow. Not ever. We are over.’ A small lump in my throat, voice only one cracking a little at “not ever”. Sad, but true. He isn’t the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Silence stretches as my words fill the room and again it takes him a few seconds, minutes to react. It is a small tilt of his head, nothing more. Face hidden in shadows, I can’t see the emotions playing on his face. 

 

‘I see.’ Solas speaks finally and I take a physical step back. Fear crawls down my spine at the sound of his voice. Gravely and dark. Sinister. Not in the way Cullen speaks, whose voice may be sinister when he is aroused… but never this dangerous. Terrifying. Swallowing hard several times I press my lips in a thin line, taking another step back. Not retreating, no. I said what I needed to say and he acknowledged it. For me, this matter is settled now. 

‘For what it’s worth. I am sorry and I wish you the best...’ mumbling this under my breath I turn away, pointed ears twitching as I notice the rustling of fabric. The hairs on my nape stand up and muscles flex, body readying to defend myself if needed. But no attack happens. 

 

‘May the dread wolf never find you…’ Solas says instead and once again fear blazes up in me, first hot then icy cold. It sounds like a curse, a threat. Whispering growl - but maybe this is how a adult break-up unfolds. The wounded part lashing out in a last attempt to inflict pain. Placing one hand on the doorhandle I glance over my shoulder at him, a arrogant smile on my lips as our eyes met. He can’t hurt me. Not anymore.

‘I do not fear the dread wolf. I am a hunter and for me he is just another wolf. Let him come.’ With that I leave the scene, closing the door with insistence. Hinges swallow his response and I shake away the final feral look he had given me. And just for a heartbeat, I feel as if I doomed my future. But then I shrug, meeting the several eyes of my inner circle. 

 

They look at me with rapt attention and if I had to guess, I am sure they eavesdropped. But of course innocence glints in their eyes and I smirk, giving them a thumbs up. 

‘If you excuse me, I need to kick the butts of my advisors.’ Covering the uneasiness I feel with that quip I brush past, secure steps leading me to the war room. Cackles and bellowing laughs follow me once more on my way, Cole thankfully silent now in voicing my thoughts and emotions. Dulled I hear the sound of the church bell chime 12 times and once more shorter, signaling that it’s well past noon and my advisors are waiting since more than 30 minutes for me. I grimace, chiding myself. I spend more time in Solas’ room than I had planned. What a great way to start being a better Inquisitor, by being late at the first meeting.

 

Quickening my steps to avoid being pulled in more talks about pilyins I cross the main hall, eyes focused on the wooden door. The bustling of my followers around me, parting slowly and in respect. It makes me smile - genuinely. So much has changed. And the lack of condolences is Josie’s doing, of that I am sure. Something I appreciate - because it wouldn’t change anything, even if the words uttered in regret and sympathy were honest.

Clearing my mind from thoughts by shaking my head I push open the door, slipping through. It falls shut behind me - and all at once it’s silent. The sound of my heeled boots on the floor is almost ear deafening as I cross the room, heading towards the war room. There I stop and smooth my attire, checking my appearance in the mirror. As I lift my left hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind my pointed ear, one single beam of light catches in the silver around my wrist. The bracelet twinkles in the golden sun, promising and beautiful. 

A last nod to myself and then I turn away, both hands curling around the massive handles of the doors. The chilly metal soothes me and then I push downwards, opening the large old doors with determination and entering the war room. 

 

 

But instead of the sight of my advisors gathered around the wartable... all that greets me is darkness. The light from the corridor behind me illuminates the room sparsely, and even with my night vision I barely can make out the imposing wartable in the middle of the room. Surprise and anxiety taking my breath away, a choked gasp escaping my lips. And then the doors fall shut with finality behind me, leaving me in utter, complete darkness.

 

In a flash I whirl around, eyes wide but still unseeing. Nothing. Darkness. Pitch black. Fear rises higher and higher. A trap. Creators. Muscles tense and blood pumping with adrenaline, I then notice it… I am not alone. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit. I am terrified to post the last chapter. You all wait for it. And I am sitting here, biting my nails (and the ones of my fiancee), being like "omg omg omg they will kill me! The lynch mob is approaching!". Truly - I am terrified. 
> 
> With this story that started out of annoyance.... I gained so much attention. I mean... Look at this:
> 
> What do you need of me, Inquisitor (Stats):  
> Subscriptions: 151 Hits: 8043 Kudos: 350 Comment Threads: 133 Bookmarks: 92
> 
> This is insane. And it makes me nervous. Truly. really. I had a few rough weeks regarding physical health (diagnosed epilepsy, heavy seizure with long hospital stay. The medication makes me sleepy and limits my concentration span). But that alone is not the point.
> 
> I know not everyone will like the last chapter. Every reader has his own imagination of how things will play out, hopes his own kinks and desires get fulfilled. Because in a way, we all want to be Ellana. I am still open for suggestions regarding the final act, even though it is ready to post. Small changes can be made, still. So don't be shy - maybe you have an idea I didn't consider. 
> 
>  
> 
> But in any case:  
> I hope that you will like it. Last chapter will be posted tomorrow evening at 6pm, european time. Thanks to everyone who read this story, commented and kudoed. You are awesome and made me smile so much the last few months.


	19. Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bloody hell. 21 pages of pure smut. A worthy end of this story. 
> 
> I will write a small epilogue and include the sketch a precious person made for this story (As soon as I figured out how to insert images) as chapter 19. If one of you is interested to send me fanart, a poem or something else for this story as well, my tumblr is 
> 
> http://o-lilkjay-o.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for the attention, grab your tissues and have fun with the final chapter! (Did I mention the 21 pages of smut...?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidenote: I don't know if there are any mistakes or spelling errors. I let two people betaread and also re-read it myself three times (before tackling my fiancee [...]).

 

 

Hunter senses kicking in, even if it is already far too late. The world slows down, down. Comes to a stand. Breathing flat and inaudible, eyes closed so not to betray my current position with their luminous reflection. One silent step. Two. It is no use to scream for help. The walls are thick here. Perfect to discuss secret Inquisition matters... but no one will hear my cries for help. I am on my own.  Another step, then a smooth roll over towards the wall. On the right side of the room now, back pressed against chilly stone. Comfort and trap in one. This way, no one can stab me from behind - but also the front of me is exposed.  A small decision, made by reflex. With a knife in my gut, I still can fight. The same knife however, embedded in my spine...

 

Eyes closed, my other senses sharpen with every heartbeat. Adrenaline rushing through my blood, transferring me back in time. Fourteen years old, separated from the other hunters as we chased a grizzly bear. Enough meat, fat and fur that would ease the clan’s suffering through the harsh winter. The similarities are laughable but fitting.  Me, with my back against a hard surface. No weapon to defend, to fight. Carelessness in the past, false-safety now. But there is no point in cursing that fact. Higher things are at stake. 

A movement to my left, so quiet I nearly miss it. My body reacts before the mind catches up. Muscles tense, flex, the motions practiced. Lunging forwards blindly, white canine teeth bared into a snarl. Air hissing around me and a surprised yelp as my attack gets deflected. Pushed back with a growl so deep dark and sinister. Ears twitch. I know that growl. Large gloved hands encircle my wrists, keeping them pinned against my chest while I am hurled backwards. Shuffling of feet, I stumble twice. Yes, I know that growl. Mind reeling, trying to understand. 

Then my back connects with the wall, insistent but careful. Of course. He knows how to dose his strength. My heart beats fast, but now for a different reason. His hands leave my wrists, sliding along my arms. One grazing the bracelet with adoration before pulling my hands up, over my head. Body stretching in a sinful curve towards him, the approving hum music to my ears. Grip secure but tender. We both know that I won’t fight. His other hand goes down, curling around my hip. Keeping me secure against the wall. Both actions a silent demand. Stay where you are. With each breath I inhale his scent, easy to detect now that he is close. Painted lips twitch before my smile breaks free, head tilted slightly to the left in amusement. 

 

‘That was dangerous... I could have killed you...’ I say half aloud, heart swelling with pride as he chuckles in dark delight. 

‘Not if you continue to leave your left side open.’ Answer in a mocking tone, but all that ignites in me is love. Oh, he knows me so well. 

‘And now you will ravish me in the dark as punishment?’ Long black eyelashes flutter in feigned innocence, the thought however prompting a wave of desire to wash over me. Not being able to see him... only to feel...

 

Another chuckle and then his hold on my wrist and hip loosens. 

‘Little Minx.’ He murmurs, although the lust and approval in his voice lets my heart flutter. ‘Darkness has its merits in the play of lust and desire... But one thing at a time...’ he reminds me and with that  steps back, making a chiding sound as I try to follow. And so I stay still, the only sound his footsteps as he crosses the room in darkness. It’s fascinating how he managed it - to stay this silent while wearing full armor and not to trip over anything. My face tilted in the direction where I think he had left, seconds later being rewarded. 

 

A fizzling is heard, then a tiny flame illuminates his face. Golden hair combed back neatly, shining in orange light as he ignites a fire in the hearth. Flames start to lick hungrily, brighten the room more and more. Enraptured I watch how slowly darkness gives way to light, transition tender enough so my eyes don’t hurt. The Commander is crouched down in front of the fireplace, calmly observing the flames. It gives me time to take in his attire and at least one curiosity is sated. The heavy armor he always wears is gone, instead he is clad in black leather trousers, boots and a white linen tunic. Muscles hiding under all that fabric, making my head spin as I try to imagine their play and movements once he is bare. 

Heat pools low in my belly at the thought, a soft longing sigh leaves my lips. Cullen glances over his shoulder at me, face cast in shadows so I can’t read his face. Picking a small candle from the mantle piece and igniting the wick at one of the flames, he rises. Like a lion, elegant and graceful. But instead of coming back to me he walks to the right, golden eyes trained on me. They glint wickedly in the small flame in front of his face. Every now and then he stops to ignite another candle on his way. The room grows brighter and I suck in a surprised breath.

Candles of different size line the walls along the war room. Casting mysterious shadows, heightening the fire in my belly. And in this sea of tiny flames... the man I love. The smirk he wears grows, pleased at the emotions displayed on my face. Awe and fascination with every candle more that chases away the darkness. 

 

The heavy war table is pushed towards the wall opposite of the door, the ground in front of the fireplace covered with soft fur in a beige color, sheets and blankets in sinful red and black. Cozy and inviting. There is also an large armchair set up at the edge of the cushioned area, imposing and making my heart beat faster. I feel myself relax a bit more at the realization that my first time won’t be in a bed. It’s something I still am not able to do. My mind conjures images of what will happen soon. The both of us lying naked there, writhing and finally giving in to our desires. Lust makes my skin tingle, a shudder running through my body. So entranced by this, I miss how Cullen places the candle on the war table, before sauntering over to me. Only as his bulky form blocks my view I snap out of trance, glittering eyes looking up at him.

 

‘This... this is wonderful...’ I whisper in awe, one hand leaving its ordered place to cup his cheek. Dark golden stubble tickles my palm, thumb brushing over his jaw in a caress. Like a tame lion he leans into my touch, leaving a kiss on clammy skin. It betrays my cool demeanor. I am nervous, even though I want this more than anything else. Will it hurt? What if he does not like how it feels to be with me? Or he is annoyed because I am already so wet, without him even touching me intimately? Thoughts swirl in my head, prompting me to avert my gaze. But Cullen is having none of it.  With a tsking sound he tilts my face back up, forcing me to look at him. His features lie in shadows, but the way with which he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger I can’t look away. 

‘Ellana... ‘ he murmurs darkly but soft, the timbre of his voice inflicting goosebumps all over my skin. Bending his head down, warmth of his breath tickling my lips. I blink once, twice, clearing my head from all doubt. 

‘Sorry... I was just thinking...’ I admit in a whisper, although a sheepish smile grazes my lips. Cullen growls and shakes his head, taking my hand and pinning it back up over my head. 

‘You’re testing my patience, little girl...’ he murmurs, his other hand settling on my hip. Fingers wandering, sneaking under the fabric of my blouse. Touch hot like fire, digits drawing circles in my skin as he steps closer. My eyelids flutter, the somewhat insulting endearment sparking me to test his resolve. One golden eyebrow rises as he notices my growing smirk, pulling back slightly to observe me carefully. 

 

‘I am sorry, Knight Commander...’ my purr is halfway swallowed as he takes a shuddering breath, his eyes fluttering close for a moment as I mention his past title. Next his hand curls in the soft flesh of my not pulling me towards him just yet. Only decreasing the distance between our bodies till they nearly touch,   the heat he radiates engulfing me. 

‘Kinky little minx... be careful with taunting me. You’re not the only one clinging to the frail rope of self control...’ he rasps, my answer left unheard as he claims my lips. Hungry and demanding, swallowing also the surprised whimper I make. Inaudible, but he seems to have heard it anyway. His hold around my hip tightens, pulling me flush against his hard and unforgiving body. My Master dominates the kiss like he dominates my heart, lips moving against mine in a sinful pattern. Sucking, nibbling, licking. The world starts to circle, knees growing weak as I surrender fully. But then all of sudden he pulls away, licking his lips appreciatively.

 

‘But indulge me... what is going on in that pretty little head of yours?’ Cullen drawls darkly against my lips, the golden color of his eyes giving way to utter darkness. At first all I can do is squeak pathetically, following the movement of his retreating lips before being able to think again. Dazed I look up at him, slowly registering what he demands to know. To voice these thoughts however... They sound so silly now, even in the role as the little girl I portray. The way he kissed me is more than proof of how much he desires me. But he is my Master, and the dark look he gives me a silent command to answer. 

 

‘I... I thought about... that it could hurt... or I don’t feel good around your... your...’ I swallow hard, blush creeping up my cheeks. A golden eyebrow raises in amused patience, the fingers holding my chin loosening slightly to trail down my throat. 

‘My cock?’ he helps between nipping the sensitive skin there, feeling how I swallow another time hard, before nodding and ending my sentence.

‘Y... yes... Your cock... And that you may be annoyed because I... am so wet already. I will make a mess...’ Eyelashes flutter as I close them, not strong enough to see the disappointment in his beautiful eyes. He stills in his travel down to my collarbone, humming thoughtfully before pulling away. For a few seconds he says nothing, the anticipation and anxiety building painfully in me. Then he takes a deep breath, warm air fawning over my face as he exhales. It tickles my eyelashes and I furrow my brows as I feel his hand sliding further along my hip till it comes to rest on my ass. Splayed out and large, massaging flesh and guiding me snugly against his body. 

 

‘Do you feel how hard I am for you?’ Cullen asks in a dark growl, a throaty chuckle accompanying his words as my lips part in a silent gasp. The evidence of his desire presses hard against my belly, pulsing in time with his rapid heartbeat. The knowledge to feel his impressive cock not only pressed there, but soon buried inside me as well… 

 

My knees buckle at the thought, Cullen reacting timidly and with a hoarse chuckle as if he anticipated this. Clinging to him I nod fervently, biting my bottom lip in an attempt to inflict pain. To concentrate. To cling to the shards of my sanity.

‘Yes... It feels so good...’ I whisper breathlessly, receiving and amused chuckle as response and a fleeting kiss. 

‘I will promise to be as gently as I can, so it won't hurt. And regarding your other doubt...' Cullen hums thoughtfully and considers his answer for a moment. 

'The thought not to only to know...‘ he murmurs and pulls the glove off with his teeth, dropping it carelessly on the ground before tugging at the laces of my leggings, loosening the complicated knot easily.

‘But also to feel...’ My breath hitches as he slides his hand along my lower belly, easing between my panties and dripping cunt. Calloused digits gently dance over the hairless mound and further down, his bulk keeping me upright as my knees buckle anew. All the while he whispers in my ear, full lips and tongue tracing the delicate shell. 

 

‘How ready you are for me... soaking wet and smelling so good...’ he continues and presses three fingers against my slit, chuckling low as I tilt my head back. 

‘There is nothing more beautiful than your sweet little cunt glistening and ready for me...’ My Master purrs sinful words in my ear and chuckles as I shudder.

‘Well... except you on your knees and suckling my cock as if it is a sweet treat of course... but all in good time...’ With that dark promise spoken full lips brush along my cheek, nostrils flaring as he inhales my scent.  

‘First I intend to drive you crazy with want... build the anticipation... so our union will be all the more divine...’ Cullen husks and nips at the tip of my ear, before finally, finally, pressing the first digit of his middle finger inside me. Instantly I clamp down on the intruder, electing a hiss of dark lust from my Master.

 

It takes him a few seconds to collect himself, his finger unmoving till I have adjusted to the stretch. Only then he addresses me again, sliding his thumb tenderly over my clit.

‘I have waited so long for you... the thought alone that I am your first is nearly enough to be my undoing...’ he whispers and presses in deeper, my mouth parting in a silent oh as I try to relax and accept. Encouraging murmurs ease the way, my obedience rewarded as he starts to move his finger. Trembling hands try to find purchase in his attire till he assists once more, taking my hand with the silvery bracelet and placing it around his neck after a featherlight kiss on my pulsepoint. 

 

‘Yes... just like that... good girl...’ Cullen murmurs as my fingers curl in the nape of his neck, my stance widening to give him better access. An access he uses greedily, distracting me from his second finger by covering my lips with his. I tense but lose myself in the kiss soon, the urgent way his lips move against mine so different from the gentle way he stretches me inch by inch. His thumb traces patterns over my clit, holding me on a constant high of arousal. Face flushed and with a thin sheen of sweat I break away from his lips finally, free hand snapping down and grabbing his wrist hard. My fingertips don’t even touch but still I try to change the movements with which he thrusts his fingers inside me, grinding desperately against his palm in an attempt to find release. It is not enough. His movements deliberate and cruelly slow, masterfully keeping me tethering on the edge.

‘Oh Cullen please...’ I plea, head tipped back and cushioned by his hand from the stoney wall. My breath becomes ragged and uneven, skin feeling too tight and the world starts to spin. Heat flares higher and higher, words in elven and the common tongue falling from my lips. A string of further pleas and his name, anything to let him sway, to receive his mercy. Golden eyes watch me intently with dark delight, full lips pulled in a devious smirk as my whole body grows taut. And then he laughs sinister, the muscles in his wrist  underneath my fingers flexing. No... no... please... I am so close... so... so...!

 

‘No!!!’ My despaired scream echoes along the walls as he pulls away all of sudden, other hand thrust forward against my shoulder to keep me pinned against the wall a heartbeat later. The other glistening with arousal he lifts up to his lips, tongue darting out to clean the three fingers. 

‘Mhh... delicious...’ Shudders run through my body as I twitch in his grip, Eyes fixated on his tongue flickering out again and again. Finally he wipes his hand dry on his tunic, then places it gently but insistent around my throat. Dominance. Don’t move. The order is clear. Still, my legs shake badly and tears slide down my cheeks as the orgasm so beautifully built fades away, leaving me mad with sheer want. 

 

‘You have now idea how beautiful you look right now... That one moment when your eyes glaze over and you are ready to fall into bliss...’ Cullen praises and I whimper pathetically in answer. Coldness creeps along my heated skin, my Master’s body now a few inches away as he continues to laugh in that sinister tone. Hands shaking too badly to function properly, nestling helplessly at the waistband of my leggings. I want them down, end with urgent despair what Cullen denied me. My sight is blurred, only his smirking amused face sharp in my tunneled vision. Cruelly he watches as I tear at my leggings, head tilted to the side slightly. The hand around my throat, sticky and damp, draws tender circles over my trachea. Never constricting my breath, a sign of dominance only. The other on my shoulder, keeping me upright and providing a strange sense of comfort despite all his sadism. Angry and choked huffs accompany my task, the steady rub of damp panties against my clit a torture of its own. But as I finally succeed in pushing down the offending leggings over to the curve of my ass to have access, Cullen reacts.

 

All at once he is upon me, both my hands pinned on either side of my head. One knee pressed between my legs and up, the sharp pressure bringing me right back to the brink of pleasure. My eyes snap up and widen almost comically, protest died down on kiss swollen lips as I am captivated by his steely gaze. 

‘Remember the rule. Only with me you will find release... and only when I allow it.’ These words said in a silken sinister tone, destroying my hopes of getting sweet release - but also stoking the fire in me anew. Unable to look away I hold his gaze, swallowing hard and several times before nodding finally in defeat. He keeps his gaze drilled upon me a few seconds longer before losing his iron grip around my wrists, thumbs brushing soothingly over my pulsepoints. I haven’t noticed that he held me so tight that the blood was unable to flow, just now sensing the tingling feel. He breathes deeply then drops my right hand, which falls uselessly to the side. The left one he keeps in his grasp, thumb grazing the silvery bracelet as he starts to move backwards, delicious pressure of his knee between my legs gone.

 

‘Come with me...’ he murmurs in a dominating command and I follow willingly even before my arm is completely outstretched to keep the distance small between us. A dazed smile adorns my face as I move with him, ready to walk with him into the void itself without a second thought. But the exhaustion in my body shows. Where I stumble a bit his gait is steady, navigating easily across the room without looking back. In fact, his eyes never stray away from mine, till we finally come to a stop in the middle of the cushioned space in front of the fireplace. Once more his face is hidden in shadows, but I can feel how his golden eyes rest on me. Lifting my hand up to his lips he kisses the bracelet first, then my knuckles before letting go. 

Like the true Master he is, Cullen settles down in the large armchair comfortably, legs spread slightly and presses his fingertips together. Even though he is sitting we have nearly the same height, a fact that makes me shudder in delight and freely chosen fear. He is an enigma, and imposing leader and Master. And tonight... I will be utterly his. With body, mind, heart and soul. Cullen seems to read my thoughts because the smirk he sports stretches the scar on his upper lip as he looks over the tips of his fingers expectantly at me. A bit unsure of what he expects me to do next all I do is stand there, illuminated by firelight and with a heaving chest. 

 

A few seconds, minutes pass in silence and it takes me the same amount of time to realize. He waits till I have calmed down completely. Till the throb between my legs becomes less and less prominent and subsides completely. And so I square my shoulders and straighten my back, holding his gaze demure but confident. He rewards this action of mine with an amused chuckle and then leans forward slightly so I can see the twinkle in his dark golden eyes. The firelight catches in his golden hair, giving him an angelic look if it weren’t for the sadistic smirk still playing on his lips. It makes my heart thud fast and wild, but I force myself to stand still. I want to please him, show my worth. When I am relaxed and calm to his expectation, he breaks the silence.

 

‘Undress.’ 

The command is simple and plain - but it makes my face flush nonetheless. Again white sharp teeth bury themselves in the tender flesh of my bottom lip, a deep breath taken before I finally obey his command. Maybe I should make a show out of it. Sliding the blouse tantalizing along my shoulders, letting it drop to the ground before gazing in his enthralling eyes with heat. But instead It is almost laughable. He had seen me naked in the past - but still my hands shake violently as I undo  button by button of my blouse. A seam rips as I pull the garment from my shoulder, wincing at the embarrassing sound. Blood rushes in my head, coloring my face a dark shade of crimsons as I close my eyes in humiliation. What a great temptress I am. But once again my Master saves me from my dark thoughts, calloused hands sliding along my bare waist and pulling me between his spread legs. I gasp in surprise, slender hands coming to rest on his broad shoulders to steady myself. In one hand I still have the blouse, but let it drop sheepishly as Cullen arches one amused eyebrow. 

 

‘How about...’ he says softly but in a dark tone that makes me shiver and stops me from apologizing.

‘... You leave the ripping of your attire to me in the future?’ Amusement swings in his voice and I can’t help myself and giggle, before the meaning of his words catches up with my thoughts. 

‘Of cou- oh... oh... you mean...’ I stammer and thankfully my face is still crimson, so the new blush isn’t that obvious. Cullen chuckles and slides both hands up, grazing the undersides of my breasts with his fingers.

‘I am a greedy man, dear Ellana... you can’t even begin to imagine how often I wanted to tear away those different clothes from your body and simply take you then and there...’  My eyes widen and I start to squirm under his heated gaze, biting my bottom lip anew.  But I have his command in the back of my mind and undo my breastband while he elaborates his words at my questioning look. 

 

‘The formal attire suited your curvy silhouette, I have to admit. But you should have worn a dress at the winterpalace... Easy to push up and take you against the nearest wall... In front of that lecherous duke...’ My breastband falls to the floor and Cullen hesitates for a moment, eyes dropping away from my face and to the small round mounds bared to his gaze. He inhales deeply and drags his hands up simultanously, cupping each breast tenderly. Testing their weight and feel as if it were the first time, before glancing up at me anew. 

‘That hobo elf has danced with you on the balcony... but I would have done many other things than just dance...’ his lustfilled words make heat flare up in my belly, the fact that he had watched me and Solas dance not mattering anymore. It is the past. Even more so, my mind fills quickly of what exactly Cullen would have done if it were him with me on the balcony that night. 

Golden eyes glint knowingly and then he bends forward, brushing his full lips against my right nipple. It pepples quickly under his hot breath and has his tongue darts out to have a taste, my fingers in his broad shoulders curl. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feel, his slick tongue toying with the sensitive peak before full lips enclose it gently. No teeth for now, the spark of pain he loves to inflict this time conducted by his other hand. Or more specifically his thumb and forefinger, rolling the nipple between calloused digits. Pinching now and then Cullen chuckles everytime I flinch, while greedily suckling on my other breast. After a few moments he pulls away and looks up at me once more, wiping away the saliva from my breast. Then he licks his lips and leans backwards again, my body instantly missing the warmth of his hands on my waist and breast.

 

‘Continue. Let me see you.’ He orders, then adds with a soft smile.    
‘But slow, my love... I want to enjoy this’. I nod eagerly and regain my composure, mind filled still by the images of a tryst on the balcony at halamshiral. It makes me wetter and boosts my confidence, giving me the strength I lacked before. A seductive smile appears on my lips as I hook both thumbs in the waistband of my loosened leggings, before turning my back to my Master and slowly sliding the fabric from my hips and ass. Cullen inhales sharply as I bent down, no doubt approving of the view I present him. As smoothly as I can I slide the leggings down my legs, using his left thigh as support to pull off my boots. A shudder runs up my spine as Cullen’s large hand settles in the small of my back, splayed out and only stabilizing me as an afterthought. 

 

His intent becomes clear as I move to straighten once more, but am stopped by an insistent press down again. Bend forwards I hear how the leather creaks as my Master scoots forward a bit, his hand sliding from the small of my back down over one asscheek,. Just in the last moment it leaves its path, an outstretched finger trailing along the covered cleft of my ass. 

‘So divine...’ I hear Cullen murmur in a throaty tone and have to bite my bottom lip at the sensation he bestows upon me next. Fervently as if I am a treasured present he pulls down my flimsy and damp panties, helping me to step out of them. He keeps me bend over while doing so, shuddering audibly as I show him what will be his. No. Is his, already. I can’t bite back the moan as his forefinger repeats its path along the cleft of my ass, all the way down till stopping at my dripping slit. Hand curling in his thigh my breath hitches as Cullen lets his finger slide along the soaking folds, tracing them before sighing in unconcealed pleasure.

‘And all mine...’ the second part of his sentence is just a whisper, as if he can’t believe this fact himself. I glance over my shoulder at him, heat rising to my cheeks once more as I realize how greedy his stare is. Pupils huge and swallowing all color of his eyes, full lips parted and damp. It takes him a few seconds to notice my stare, but when he does he smirks deviously and brings the finger damp with my arousal to his lips. Eyes drilled into mine his tongue darts out and tastes the shiny liquid, before full lips enclose the fingertip completely. He hums deep and low, a lewd pop as his lips finally release the digit again. 

 

‘All mine... mine alone...’ he repeats in a sensual dark way and ends the eyecontact between us, gaze drifting to the furs, pillows and blankets on the ground. 

‘Lay down.’ My Master murmurs and I nearly trip so hurriedly I try to comply. Soft fur tickles my bare skin as I kneel down on the soft ground, then turn around and look in awe up at him. Golden eyes watch me intently as Cullen leans back again, fingertips once more pressed together. 

‘On your back, Ellana. Spread your legs wide and show me how ready you are’ Heat rushes up to my cheeks and I stare at him, a few seconds passing before my Master raises one eyebrow expectantly. 

 

My mind catches up with his request and I can`t help but whimper in delight, then fumble on the furs into position to obey. Back flat on the ground and legs bend and spread slightly, He has a full view on my lower body, able to see the wetness dampening the inner side of my thighs and cunt. Shame faints quickly at the hungry gaze I receive for this brazen display, my fingers curling in the fur for purchase. My head tilts to the side, watching him sit in the massive armchair still. Golden eyes glide over my body slowly, taking in my whole appearance. The heat in his eyes matches the firelight next to us and I close my eyes, let him drink in what is his. Silence reigns for a few minutes, my chest heaving and sinking even though I relax slowly. 

The simple knowledge that no other man saw me like this... and ever will... it is the strongest aphrodisiac. And soon, soon he will claim me truly as his. I can’t wait. How will it feel to have his muscular body pressed against mine while he slides home? The stretch of his thick cock when he claims for himself what no one ever even touched? His rapid heartbeat when he takes pleasure from me, thrusting harder and harder till we both come... how will it feel to have him spill inside me? A tiny voice inside me even regrets to have taken a precaution potion this morning. It is foolish, a child now in the middle of war isn’t a good idea... but it would also be such a big statement for everyone to see…

 

‘What a beautiful sight... and now touch yourself for me, Love.’ Cullen breaks the silence and my eyes snap open, then fix on his face. A knowing smirk play on full lips and not for the first time I contemplate if he is able to read my thoughts. A shy smile grazes my lips and then clammy fingers let go of the fur, settling on my small breasts tenderly. 

‘Yes, Master.’ I purr obediently and trace two of the longer swirls of vallaslin on my body, leading down on either side of my ribs and waist. They frame the free spot of pale skin around my belly button and lower, golden eyes following the motion heated. 

 

He gives me power over the situation I realize, the authority to prove my worth. And I am more than willing to show him that I am perfect for him. Sharp white teeth bury into my plush bottom lip, the red lipstick there faded already. Lower and lower my hands wander, past my hipbones and pelvis. Up thighs and following anew tendrils of vallaslin, coming to rest for a moment on my kneecaps simultaneously. 

‘All for you, Master...’ I whisper and then spread my thighs apart wider, lifting my ass at the same time a little. Arousal trickles down my cunt and over the curve of my ass, no doubt dripping onto the fur. Cullen bares his teeth at the display and leans forward more, tongue darting out to lick his lips hungrily. But he remains silent for now, keenly watching how the hand with the bracelet wanders back down the inside of my thigh, stopping on my pelvis. 

 

I keep my eyes fixed on his beautiful face as I pull the outer lips apart, shivering at the way the chilly air brushes over my folds. Then my middlefinger slides down, finding it’s target with practiced ease. Still sensitive from my Master`s ministrations earlier, throbbing as soon as my fingertip grazes over it. Instinctively my eyes close on their own, a soft moan leaving slight parted lips at the spark of heat radiating from there. I am wet, so wet that the fingertip glides with ease in soft circles over the nub alone, legs quivering as I fight to keep them spread apart for my Master to see. He growls deeply and I flinch guiltily, eyes opening dazed and unfocused at first. When they find his he looks at me intently, leaned forward and elbows propped up on his knees. There is a strange glint in darkened eyes, something I can’t understand at first. But then he addresses me, voice silken and dark. 

 

‘Close your eyes again, love.’ My eyes close dutifully and I sigh as the sensation of my finger massaging my clit seems to double. Distracted by that feel I am unprepared for what my Master says next, and it is like fire poured over me. 

‘Do you remember, back in Haven... when you entered the meeting room to bring me your report of Redcliffe?’ Confusion makes my eyebrows furrow but I nod, unsure where this is going. But I don’t have to wait for long. 

‘It was late at night... we were all alone...’ Goosebumps rise on my arms at the way he speaks, so positively filthy as I remember the situation he describes. 

‘It was a report about the horses from Master Dennet... you were pleased that I not only secured them but also recruited him.’ I answer, my voice shaken and hitching now and then. Cullen hums in agreement and the leather creaks again as he makes himself more comfortable. 

 

‘You were wearing that simple beige blouse and leggings like always... hair still damp from the bath you took...’ I shudder as I recall the scene, enthralled by the husky tone with which he speaks. Fascinated that he is able to remember such details.

‘Your hips swayed so hypnotizing when you closed the distance between us... as always invading the personal space as you handed me the report...’ Cullen chuckles for a moment as he adds. 

‘You had to learn first how to keep your distance properly... But to be honest I didn’t mind... it gave me such a great view on your breasts, pushed up and tempting in that blouse.’ A blush spreads on my cheeks, finger slowing it’s circling movement over my clit. Heat spreads in my body, but it is my Master`s voice that leaves me drunk with desire. 

‘No breastband... What a tease...’ He chuckles at his own words while my blush intensifies, realizing that he was right. 

 

‘Do you want to know what I wanted to do with you in that very night, Ellana...?’ He asks and I shudder, biting my bottom lip again and nodding quickly. Air leaves my lungs in small puffs as I speed up my movements again, moaning softly as Cullen reveals his thoughts. 

‘I wanted to grab you and bend you over the table. Markers and map be damned.’ His timbre drops and I shudder, imagining it. 

‘One hand in your neck, holding you down while pushing these tight leggings down... freeing your sweet ass and cunt to my hungry gaze... With the other undoing my belt and trousers, freeing my cock to rub it against the cleft of your ass.’ 

 

I whimper and lift my ass up in the air at that, almost able to feel the crown of his cock there just as my Master describes it. 

‘Tease you relentlessly till you beg me to fill you. The thought to have you squirm under me drove me mad...’ another whimper as I recall the sudden heated glare Cullen gave me back then in that room, when he still was “Commander Cullen” for me. The way his golden eyes watched my every movement, burning and enthralling. How his voice had been breathy and dark just like now as he thanked me for the report. 

 

‘Please... yes please...’ I hear myself say and Cullen inhales through clenched teeth, my eyes opening to see him leaned forward in the armchair, eyes drilled on my finger swirling rapidly around my nub. One of his hands massages his cock, concealed by black leather trousers still, but the blown pupils now are just the same like back then. 

 

‘Yes... exactly like this you would have begged me... and I would have given in. Made your scream as I rammed my hard cock inside your tight cunt, forced you to take every inch...’ his sentences are interrupted by low grunts, hand around his clothed cock squeezing and stroking. I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and they fall shut, back arching as wave of lust rolls over my body. My skin feels like on fire, finger rubbing rapidly over my throbbing clit. 

‘Oh... Oh Creators...!’ My head thrashes from one side to the other, Cullen’s groan resonating in my ears as he continues this sweet torture. 

‘And you would have loved it, craved it just like you do now... Whimpered and thanked me while I fucked your roughly, driving you to the brink of ecstasy... till... till... Maker...’ He shudders and then the leather creaks as he rises swiftly, the sound of his belt being unbuckled drowned by his final command. 

‘Till you came, gushing all over my cock like now. Come for me!’

 

Pleasure explodes and I tilt my head back, whole hand pressed over my clit as a powerful orgasm surges through me. Bucks and twitches make my body jerk, broken syllables and scraps of words tumbling over my lips. Then I fall back down limply, kneecaps touching as I come down from my high. Sweat beads on my forehead, strands of hair sticking to skin as I try to catch my breath. Blood thrums in my ears and as my eyes flutter open, Cullen stands above me. Legs spread, feet planted on either side of my thigh. The strange glint is still present in his golden eyes as he peers down at me. Full lips parted he slowly bends both arms up and behind his back, pulling the white linen tunic over his head in a fluid motion. 

 

My mouth starts to water as I watch the play of muscles on sunkissed skin, glazed eyes taking in this god of a man. Golden coarse hair covers his chest and trailing all the way down to the waistband of his trousers. All human’s have body hair, I learned thanks to him. And I adore the way it tickles on my skin, another sensation only a man like Cullen can provide. Lips parted I watch in enraptured silence how Cullen’s head emerges from the fabric finally, and he drops the tunic carelessly on the pile of clothing next to the armchair. Broad and muscled, fingers itching to touch the hard skin. But no. One look of him and I remain unmoving, waiting. He approves of that fact and gifts me a dark smile, stepping closer and then motions me to sit up so my face is on level with his crotch. 

The impressive bulge concealed by black leather is a dark promise of what is about to happen, and just for a fleeting moment I doubt my capacity to take him at all. I have no comparison to the cock of another man, and Solas member is no comparison since he is an elf. But if the rumors cursing around Skyhold are right, my Master is well equipped, even for a human. Doubt is replaced by sharp jealousy and my eyes darken in silent anger, the knowledge that other woman received pleasure from this man who is rightfully mine. Called his name in the throws of her ecstasy, accepted his come willingly in the hopes to be one day the ones who he called wife and mother of his children. 

 

I bite my bottom lip hard and a feral growl rumbles through my heaving chest. Cullen above me stops in his movements of undoing the laces of his trousers, both eyebrows arched as he sees the white hot jealousy displayed on my face. Dark golden eyes soften for a moment and he drops both hands to cup my face, bending down to press his lips against mine in a chaste but passionate kiss. A try to calm me down and reassure me. I let myself get distracted only a few heartbeats before pulling away, staring up at him. Waiting for permission, which he grants after a calculating look down at my flushed face. 

  
‘Serve your Master’ Cullen grounds out and bares his teeth anew as I grab hurriedly for the loosened belt and laces of his leather trousers. 

I don't need to be told twice. With a snarl my hands shot up, tearing at the laces of his attire, growling impatiently as it takes me what it feels like an eternity to free his impressive cock. My Master chuckles amused but then hisses as chilly air touches his hard length. Our eyes connect and then my lips part, sliding the crown of his cock inside my mouth. It tastes musky and so utterly male, the deep groan my Master gives in reaction bolstering my courage. A last deep breath and then I show him why he was right to chose me above every other woman.

 

Large hands grab my hair roughly and he groans a curse as I push forward, swallowing his whole length in one go. He tries to stop me but I ignore it, determined to shatter my Master’s control. Swallowing hard, an action that slides his cock deeper down my mouth and electing another lustfilled groan.  I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to gag at the sheer length invading my mouth and throat. Ignoring the tug of his hands in my hair I start to bob my head back and forth, making up with eagerness what I lack in finesse. The base of his shaft encircled by my hand I stroke him additionally, moaning greedily around the velvety hot steely length. He feels exquisite. Heavenly. I could do this for an eternity.

‘Maker... Maker’s breath Ellana!’ Cullen grunts above me, fingertips digging in my scalp as I assault his cock. Sucking, licking and swallowing in a hurried pattern, the taste of precome coating my tongue spurs me on. It feeds my hunger for him, the need to see him come undone. My Master is a loss at words, his control snapping as I finally glance up, watery eyes meeting his. The grip on my hair becomes painful but I don’t mind as he takes over, guiding me back and forth as he starts to fuck my face without abandon. Groans and grunts accompany his erratic movements, and I never felt so high and powerful like now. He uses me to his own pleasure and I let him, like the good pet I am. The thought fills me with a blazing heat and gives me the will to endure as my Master`s thrusts become uneven and his expression wild.

 

It had been too long for him too I realize, his already impressive length thickening in my mouth before Cullen`s whole body tenses. With a growl he pushes me away roughly, my fall cushioned by plush pillows as I stare up at my Master. He has his jaw clenched and grips the base of his cock tightly, the shaft glistening with my spit. A shuddering breath and then he starts to stroke himself hard and quick, the dark purple crown of his cock adorned by a single pearl of precome appearing and disappearing in his clenched fist. He takes a step forward and then falls on one bent knee, pulling my face closer to his crotch again. 

 

‘Open your mouth.’ he grounds out in a dark hiss and shudders as I obey instantly, scooting slightly lower and sticking my tongue out wide. The sight of me lying naked and so demure under him is the last straw. Cullen squeezes his eyes shut and then roars loud and throatily, keeping my face with his hand in place as his pleasure crests. Several thick ropes of sticky white seed hit my face, hair and chest, the most however starts to pool on my tongue as a tiny lake. My Master wrings every last drop from his cock before slumping partially over me, breathing harsh and twitching in the aftershocks of his high. I shudder in delight at this display, taking pride in the fact that it is me who made him lose control like that. As he finally opens his eyes again he has a glazed over gaze, looking for a heartbeat so vulnerable and young it leaves me speechless. The golden color in his glittering eyes looks like molten lava, darkening a shade as he glances down to my mouth. 

 

‘Swallow...’ he orders hoarsely, voice strained and unsteady. The hand in my hair loosens a bit and slides along my jaw, before taking hold of my chin. 

‘Now!’ My eyelids flutter and I obey, accepting the offered gift of my Master. The creamy liquid is too much to swallow at once, the taste bitter but not unpleasant. Still I mourn each drop that escapes and trickles down my chin, a fact that Cullen comments with a hoarse groan. He catches these drops with his thumb, smearing it over my lips and starting to smirk as my tongue darts out to lick it clean. 

 

‘Good girl...’ My Master murmurs proudly and rewards me with a kiss for my obedience, not caring for the taste of his come shared between us. In fact he deepens the kiss with a low groan, our tongues dancing and sharing the bitter taste. When he pulls away finally he nips my bottom lip in parting, before smirking down at me. Golden eyes trail over the slowly drying stripes of white come and Cullen hums thoughtfully. From the pocket of his trousers he receives a handkerchief and folds it once, before lifting it up to my face. I hold his gaze in utter adoration, enthralled and captivated. 

 

‘It suits you, my love...’ he murmurs but starts to wipe away the come nonetheless, the deep hum still rumbling through his chest accompanying the task. When he is satisfied with the result the handkerchief finds its end in the hungry flames of the fireplace, which crackles next to us merrily. One calloused hand cups my cheek and he brushes another kiss on my lips, featherlight and chaste. The urgency is gone from his eyes but they are still dark, and I lay down willingly as Cullen guides me. One knee between my spread thighs he hovers over me, his impressive cock half hard and brushing over my lower belly. 

 

‘Then I will wear it more often from now on, Master.’ I whisper finally as I find the strength to speak again, blushing at the amused smirk I get as answer. 

‘Don’t give me ideas, Ellana.’ his voice is soft like silk, the sound of my name from his lips filled with love so great it makes my heart ache. Nuzzling my nose with his he finally settles next to me on the fur, one arm propped up and watching me. The firelight illuminates us both and I close my eyes in pleasure as the tips of his hand trace the vallaslin on my collarbone and shoulder. Lean muscles twitch under his dancing fingers, a soft sigh leaving my parted lips as my Master bends down and kisses my shoulder. 

 

The air is thick with sex, firesmoke and sweat, but also the musky scent that is uniquely him. To be honest, I never envisioned exactly how my first time would be. Only that it would be with him. The man I love. The commander of my army, tactical advisor... My trail of thought evaporates as full lips enclose my left nipple, and said man chuckles amused as my whole body stiffens. 

‘You`re thinking too much again.’ He murmurs and laves with his tongue on the sensitive peak. It pepples to attention within heartbeats and as Cullen presses one hand in the small of my back I follow just as eagerly, curling to the side and into strong muscled arms. Slender hands come to rest on his broad and hairy chest, starting a journey on their own as I trace the several scars marring his skin. I don’t dare to ask where he get them, the way Cullen looks at me telling that this is a story for another time. So instead I cup his cheeks with both hands, pressing a tender kiss to these soft and full lips. 

 

My Master hums into the kiss and guides me further, till I am on top of him. My thighs on either side of his hips, pelvis pressed against the underside of his cock. It is still soft and slightly sticky, but I do not care. Too lost in the kiss I pour all my emotions in, trying to explain with lips and tongue what I can’t quite voice just now. Large hands on either side of my waist caress sensually in a soft pattern up my back and then back down. Firelight casts shadows as I finally end the kiss and sit up, looking down at the man who captured my heart. 

He smiles lazily up at me, left hand straying away from its former path and now up over the soft swell of my belly, stopping there for just a moment. His eyes drop to the are bare of any vallaslin there, my explanation from a few weeks ago resonating inaudible between us. And just then his mask as the great seducer slips and I am able to see a glimpse of the man underneath. The yearning for more than simple sex is emphasized by the way he traces the untattooed skin in awe, golden eyes transfixed and glassy as he seems deep in thought. I let him reveal in these fantasies of the future, my heart swelling with pride at the knowledge that I am the one he imagines in it. He chose me just like chose him. 

 

As our eyes meet finally again the heat has returned in these golden orbs, and Cullen slides his other hand into my nape. 

‘Come here...’ he commands in a dark murmur and pulls me down, our lips meeting again in a kiss. first chaste but then growing passionate with each passing heartbeat, the grip in my hair never faltering. His hold on my waist changes, prompting me to slow rocking movements. Back and forth, back and forth. It feels so natural I don’t even overthink it. The wetness between my legs coating his slowly hardening length. A shudder runs through my body as the throbbing shaft rubs over my sensitive clit, fingers curling in coarse chest hair so I won’t lose myself too soon. When his tongue finally demands entry I part my lips, whimpering as Cullen uses my momentarily distracting to shift a little. His hand on my hip stills, keeps me secure as he breaks the kiss with a parting flick of his tongue, looking up at me with a lustfilled but loving gaze. 

 

‘Are you ready to be mine, love?’ Cullen murmurs and my mouth goes dry all of sudden, anticipation knotting in my stomach. All I can do is nod, uncertainty flickering over my face as I break eyecontact to look down. Down at the thick throbbing cock nestled between my legs, damp with our shared arousal. Gently my Master cups my cheek and tilts my face back up so I look at him again, love and desire shining in dark golden eyes. With the motion I lean forward a bit, missing how Cullen takes hold of his cock and aligns it carefully with my entrance. As I realize it finally he soothes me with a loving kiss, the patience he shows calming me. He would stop if I wanted him too. Even now, even though I can feel how much he wants to close the last few inches. And so I smile bravely and take a deep breath one hand placed on his cheek and our foreheads touching. 

 

My nod of consent is barely detectable but the smile I receive is one of gratitude and love.

‘Relax...’ he murmurs and on his gentle guidance I sink down, mouth opening partially as his thick length breaches me. Inch by inch and so so slow and gentle, golden eyes fixated on my face to ensure I only feel pleasure and no pain. The stretch is immense but bearable, Cullen’s gentle way of easing inside me taking away the distress. His chest heaves and so does mine, a low groan of unbridled lust leaving his lips as he stops me after a few inches. My eyelids flutter and I tilt my head down, chin propped up on my chest as I accommodate to his size. I feel so full already I think I might burst, but one glance down confirms that he isn’t even halfway inside me. But why did he stop? 

 

Lifting my gaze to meet his the struggle for control is visible on his face, contorted in pleasure and concentration. Time stands still as he holds my gaze and then leans up, muscles on his stomach moving under sunkissed skin as he cups my cheek. Our foreheads touch and Cullen inhales deeply, hot breath tousling my hair as he exhales. 

‘Relax and don't forget to breathe...’ Cullen murmurs and as he starts to guide me down further I know why. It is a slight pinch nothing more, but still Cullen kisses me instantly as the pained expression flickers over my face. He does not stop in pressing deeper, nursing me through the lingering faint pain with slow and sensual kisses. And then finally I feel the coarse hair of his pelvis tickle my hairless mound as his cock is buried inside me. Not completely, but quite. We both are panting hard, breaths mingling between our faces as the kiss of distraction ends. 

 

My sharp fingernails have buried themselves deep in the skin of his chest but Cullen only covers one of my hand with his, a slow smirk starting to spread on his full lips at my guilty expression. But then his features turn serious and he regards me with an intent gaze, leaning up further till he sits upright. The motion makes his cock inside me shift a bit and I shudder as he slides in even deeper. When my eyes open again Cullen still watches me, one hand on my cheek the other on my waist comfortingly. 

 

‘Are you alright?’ He asks, not trusting the signals my body sends solemnly. Warmth blooms in my chest at the look he gives me, the knowledge that he is still holding back for me. His cock throbs deep inside me and I cherish the feel, the softest of smiles appearing on my lips. Brushing my nose against his I nod slowly, looking deeply into his golden eyes. 

‘I am more than alright... because I am yours now’ I whisper against his lips and Cullen groans low at that, heat darkening the golden irises quickly. A passionate chaste kiss pressed against my lips and then he leans back down, head and shoulders propped up slightly by a large pillow. I gaze down at him, my heart thudding in my chest as he smirks in slight amusement, both hands settling on my waist. 

 

‘That you are...’ he murmurs and then sighs as I roll my hips experimentally, having grown bold at the way my Master lets me dictate the pace and rhythm. It won’t be like this in the future, I know this. So I enjoy this power above my heart’s desire even more in detail, curling my fingers around his wrists and lifting his hands up to my breasts. 

Another slow roll of hips that makes us both shudder our eyes locked as calloused thumbs massage my nipples gently. The movements I make are slow, growing accustomed to the feel of my Master’s thick impressive length impaling me so deeply. I feel every ridge and vein, the throb of blood while I move, each moan falling from my lips answered by one of his own. It feels foreign but oh so good. 

 

With every rocking forward my clit brushes over his coarse pelvis, the sensation intensifying as Cullen drops one hand to press his thumb over my sensitive nub. The small massaging circles match my movements his eyes closing every few minutes to enjoy our connection. I act much the same, head tilting back and looking through dark lashes at the man underneath me, taking the pleasure he provides greedily. Constantly and steadily my movements start to speed up, like a pendulum swinging faster and faster. Heat coils in my belly and flares, prickling over my skin as I moan more freely now, view altering between the ceiling and the lustfilled face of my Master. 

 

Lewd sounds of our coupling mix with the sounds of our voiced pleasure, then my hips stutter to a halt as it becomes too much. Slumping down on top of Cullen I moan helplessly, not used to the foreign motion but in dire need of release. My thighs quiver, fingers curling apologetically in his hair. 

‘I... I can’t... help... please...’ I beg, feeling the large hand slide from my waist to the small of my back. A low growl is my sign that he takes mercy on me, and all of sudden the world tilts. My back meets the damp furs once occupied by my lover, one muscled forearm propped up on the left side of my face. His cock slides out and I whimper at the loss, feeling the emptiness all the way to my pounding heart. Greedy lips capture mine in a searing kiss at the same time his other hand hooks my leg up and over his hip, then my Master starts to take over. 

  
  


Smoothly he slides back inside, my body welcoming him readily. The changed position lets him close the last few inches, the crown grazing my cervix as he bottoms out. I never felt anything like this and my toes curl, thighs trembling as Cullen guides my legs over his hips. My whimper breaks our kiss and I stare dazed upwards in pools of molten gold, the face of my beloved hoovering oh so close over mine. 

‘Mine.’ Cullen growls possessive and pulls back, only to slide back in a moment later. A choked gasp is my answer next to a fervent nod, shaking fingers curling tightly in his golden locks as I pull his head down for another kiss. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, mimiking the movement of his hips as he starts to thrust hard and deep. His hand curls around my shoulder to keep me in place as he increases his pace, with each snap of his hips hitting my clit and sending flames of lust through my body. 

 

The orgasm building in me rages like a wildfire, the hard pounding Cullen now bestows upon me as he loses control shredding my fragile grasp to reality. 

‘Come for me!’ He growls against my lips and I obey without a second thought, back arching away from the ground and nearly pushing him down from me. The wail echoes along the walls and he reveals in it, clutching me tighter to his body as I buck another time violently. He struggles for a moment but then resumes his fucking with a feral growl, sweat slick face buried in my neck as his thrusts become erratic. I moan helplessly under him, my high prolonged to his continued onslaught. 

‘Who do you belong to, Who is inside you?!’ Cullen snarls feral and my eyes roll back, a second orgasm washing over me unexpected but with incredible force. 

‘You. You Cullen! You!’ I call out, voice slurred and more a babbling than actual words. But it is enough to satisfy him. Our lips find each other blindly and the kiss is a mess, broken as Cullen finally tips over the edge as well. HIs whole body trembles as he groans throatily against my lips, eyes squeezed shut and face contorted in pleasure.

 

The rush of his seed as he fills my womb with several spurts makes me moan throatily, eyes squeezing shut as a thin voice inside my head sends an unconscious wish to the creators. Let it take root. Let me give him the life he deserves. Cullen shudders and continues to thrust shallowly, our lips meeting again, slower this time. Urgency gone from our unification, he gives a last thrust before growing still. We stare at each other while trying to catch our breath, skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat, the air humid and thick. My trembling hands find his face and I trace his stubble reverently, returning the soft kisses he bestows upon my lips. 

 

The thought “what now?” crosses my mind just as Cullen shifts anew, pulling me upwards and into his lap. He takes a blanket with him, draping it with one hand around my shivering body. Not from coldness, but from exhaustion and overextension. Cullen smirks knowingly and kisses my forehead, humming soothingly while my body continues to shake. His cock softens slowly inside me but neither of us cares of the mess we are making on the furs, too occupied to look in each others eyes. His hand in the small of my back holding me steady, golden eyes brimming with love and happiness. I know that mine mirror these emotions and I smile drowsily, one hand leaving his chest and curling on his shoulder. 

 

‘I just had sex...’ I whisper and Cullen chuckles amused at that, shaking his head before giving me a featherlight kiss. 

‘I know. I was present’ he quips and the jest is so unexpected that I blink taken aback, before slapping his shoulder lightly. He takes it in stride and slides one hand in my nape, guiding my head closer to his so our foreheads touch. The gesture is so intimate and loving, it makes my heart swell. This... this is perfection. Like this, I could stay forever. 

 

‘I love you...’ I whisper shyly but with emphasis, feeling joy bloom as golden eyes light up at that. He brings our lips together for a chaste kiss, then hand in my nape massaging gently.

‘And I love you.’ Cullen answer then adds as an afterthought. 

‘But I am not done with you yet my love...’

I stare blankly at him, then my gaze drops between our bodies, where his slowly hardening length is still buried inside me. 

‘What? So soon?’ I squeak and at this my Master laughs, loud and dark before settling me gently back down on the furs, kissing my neck as he leans over me. 

 

‘Do you really think I would be sated after one round? After experiencing finally how it feels when your sweet cunt tightens around me?’ Cullen murmurs in my ear and traces the shell of it with his full lips, electing a shuddering gasp from me. My hands splays out flat on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat... it only beats for me. The thought makes me so unbelievably happy and I smile, cocking my head to the side so I can look up at him. 

‘Don`t we need to sleep?’ I ask jokingly, feeling heat spark in my belly as Cullen grinds our pelvises together, his cock hardened and filling my tight cunt. I sigh in pleasure, accepting the slow sensual kiss my Master gives me, before he speaks anew. 

 

‘The night is still young and I intend to show you very thoroughly what it means to be loved by the lion of skyhold’ My amused giggle as he mentions his given title gets cut short as his sharp teeth bite down in the juncture of my neck, letting the embers of desire flare up anew. 

 

Very thoroughly... indeed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way: I disabled the comment moderation. So please let me know what you think! <3


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small Epilogue for this story. The sketch at the beginning is from the **talented** Angyvalentine! Thank you so much for this wonderful sketch! Also **big** thank you to Axeman, who explained stupid me how to insert pictures!  <3

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

‘So…?’

 

My eyes snap up from the report I am reading, focusing on Sera sitting across of me on the Couch. Or rather… Hovering halfway over me, blonde tresses grazing parchment. A wide grin shows off canine-like teeth, her eyes dancing with amusement and mirth. I bite my bottom lip and feel heat rise in my cheeks, breaking the intense eyecontact and glance to the side. My left hand with the bracelet dangling from it lifts up, rubbing the bitemark blooming at the side of my neck absently.

‘So?’ I repeat shyly, my gaze averted still and clearing my throat to stall time. We both know very well for what her “so?” stands for. The area between my legs is sore in a pleasant way, throbbing a bit as I recall the last night. Very thoroughly… indeed. I smile and shift a bit, hand dropping from my neck. Several more bitemarks are strewn across my whole body. No. Lovebites. Even over my left wrist he left one after discovering how sensitive these spots free of any vallaslin exactly are. Cullen had been relentless, till I couldn’t take anymore. And even then he pushed me a bit farther, coaxing one last orgasm from my exhausted body before he finally allowed me to fall asleep in his arms. It had been almost dawn and I dreaded the several appointments I would have to endure.

 

But like a miracle my schedule was cleared, the whole day spend to recover. I woke up in my own room, Cullen’s broad form wrapped around me and holding me secure to him. It was wonderful to open my eyes and look into his, the scent of what we both had done the last hours still clinging to our skin. Cullen had left shortly after that, looking not in the slightest as exhausted but truly sated and happy. A soft kiss on swollen lips, then he was gone. In his stead Sera had showed up at noon, waking me very ungentle by dropping on top of me with a loud giggle. To embarrassed delight she had surged back up directly, thumb and forefinger pinching her delicate nose.

 

‘Eww! You stink like a whole brothel!’ She had exclaimed and then we both broke out in a fit of laughter. She helped me to wash and dress, our late breakfast  taken in silence. She waited for me to speak first, to tell how it had been. I knew, easily reading her nosy gaze. But to her credit she held out till the sixth bell at the evening. Now.

‘Come on! Tell me!’ Sera exclaimed petulantly and crawled back over me, knees on either side of my hips and cupping my face with her hands. A pained whimper leaves my lips at the slight pressure there, muscles tired and protesting against the weight of my best friend.

 

‘Sera... ’ I sigh in building annoyance, to which I receive a swift but soft headbutt.

‘Don’t you Sera me! Give me details! Not to his manly bits, because blergh!’ She sticks her tongue out and I can’t help but giggle at her antics. 

‘Okay, okay... what do you want to know?’ I ask in defeat, leaning into her palm as Sera nuzzles my nose affectionately with hers. She hums thoughtfully for a moment before shifting to sit a bit more comfortably, curious eyes dropping to the lovebite at the right side of my throat for a moment. But just as she opened her mouth to ask the first question, the door to my quarters bangs open. A loud crashing sound that makes the both of us jump, Sera’s hand immediately flying to the dagger she always kept on her belt. 

 

‘Inq- Ellana!’ I hear Leliana yell even before I see the purplish hood of her attire between the banisters show up, and the urgency in her voice intensifies the dread in my stomach. 

Short on her heels was Josephine followed by Cullen himself, whose golden eyes flicker across the room before landing on me. Relief washes over his face and I feel my mouth go dry, Sera hurrying to the left as Cullen strides with three big steps across the room and to my side. Strong arms slide around my waist, shaking to my alarm a little. Crushed into a strong embrace, the whispered words of 

‘Thank the Maker you’re here’ prompting me to wrap both arms around his neck tightly. Face burying in his neck I kiss his jaw to soothe, noticing the rapid way his heart beats. He shudders at the gesture and lifts me up, straightening with me in his arms.

 

A blush spread on my cheeks as I realize  what kind of view we now give Leliana and Josephine, although neither of them seems to be disturbed by it. Instead my spymaster’s watchful gaze sweeps across the room, while Josephine hurriedly scribbles something on her board before stepping closer. With Sera on his heels Cullen walks over to the armchair next to the fireplace, gently settling me down there. His hand remains on my shoulder, a steady bodycontact. But Why?

 

‘What`s wrong? Are we under attack?’ I ask in confusion, noticing how Sera locks all doors and windows on Leliana’s silent gesture. 

My lover’s hand twitches on my shoulder and I look up at him in worry. The dread in my belly coils and as Josephine finally breaks the silence, her voice shakes a little.

 

‘It`s about Solas... he is gone.’ She says and I blanch, my hand sliding up and interlacing with Cullen’s on my shoulder.

‘Gone? What do you mean, Gone? Where did he go?’ I hear myself say and at this the eyes of my three advisors met, before Leliana steps forward. 

 

‘We don´t know yet… but he left a note. For you, we assume.’ Again Cullen’s shoulder twitches on my shoulder, the grip becoming painful as Leliana pulls a folded note out of her robe and hands it to me. With a trembling hand and unwilling to let go with the other of Cullen’s, I unfold the small parchment in my lap.

 

 

**Fen`harel ma halam.**

 

 

A choked gasp escapes my lips, the note falling innocently back down on my thighs. Leliana watches me with a worried gaze.

‘We... translated it, Ellana... It means-’

Before she can end the sentence I do, afterwards burying my face into my lover`s surcoat in fear.

  
  


‘The dread wolf will end you.’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
>  I'm sorry.


End file.
